AISubs v3.4
Yo! What's up, man?!
Hello, sir! Thank you for coming again!
Sir!
Yes?
It's been exactly ten years since we opened our hotel!
Oh, that's great!
Yes! So today, in commemoration of our tenth anniversary...
...we're going to Ohiro...
In commemoration of our tenth anniversary...
Yes, yes...
...we're going to Ohiro for the big bingo tournament!
Oh, that sounds like fun!
And we're going to win luxury goods!
Yes! Let's do it!
Yes, let's do it!
No, I'm fine! I'm fine here!
Oh, you're fine?
Yes, I'm fine!
No, but today...
Huh?
You should come over here...
No, it's fine!
Oh, you think I should come over here today?
Well, you know, there was a first aid kit...
No, I'm fine here!
Oh, you're fine?
Yes, I'm fine!
Oh, I'm sorry about that!
Good luck!
See you!
Yes!
Thank you very much!
I bought five of them at the shop!
Oh, really?
Now, go!
Are you ready?
Be careful not to get hurt!
Now, go!
(laughter)
Are you crying?
I'm not crying, I'm just sad.
Two in a row!
Here we go!
Oh, this is good.
OK!
One piece with a chopstick?
You want me to use a chopstick?
Chopstick!
What's that?
Hey! Hey! Hey!
No way!
Hey!
What are you doing?
Hey!
What's that?
Give me that!
Wait!
One piece!
Hey!
Wait!
Hey!
Give me that!
You want me to use a chopstick?
What?
OK, let's do it.
Can you do it?
Do you have it?
Who?
You.
What do you want me to do?
What?
Do you want me to hold it?
Hold it.
What do you want me to do?
Hold it.
What do you want me to do?
Hold it.
What?
Hold it.
One, two...
Ouch!
This program is brought to you by Nestle Japan, Nisshin Foods, Maiden, Lotte and P&G.
Good evening!
Judge Kouhei here!
Today, we have a renewed competition segment!
Kouhei will continue to give it his all!
Without further ado, let me introduce...
This person...
Pen name...
Former director Kitada-kun gave it to me.
Judge Kouhei-san, good evening!
Good evening!
Watching on TV, I'm thinking...
Wada Ben and Dave Spector's quarrel is too trivial and I'm getting angry!
Between the two of you, which is more...
Trivial? Please tell me!
Understood!
Then, let's get this competition started!
First up...
Wada Ben's entrance!
Does Ben-san look like me?
Ben-san, you look fine!
One hundred percent Ben-san!
Is Ben-san crying today?
Today, Ben-san is crying, so...
Kouhei and Ben-san...
Keep making...
Nice to meet you!
Not at all!
Please do your best!
Yes!
Now, let me introduce...
Dave Spector-san's entrance!
Who...
It's Dave Spector!
Is this really Dave?
Then what should I do?
You listened to music, right?
You listened to Devilman's music, right?
You say "devil", right?
Dave... Dave and Devil...
I'm a devil, so...
When you say "Dave"...
I say "aren't you a devil?"
What are you spacing out for?!
Can't you see what I'm saying?!
Hey, you two...
Don't say it!
It's a boring drama!
You idiots!
What?! It's boring?!
It's boring?!
It's not boring at all!
Don't say stupid things!
Please edit it!
No, please edit it!
Forget it!
Today's battle...
Let's go!
- Are you ready? - I'm ready!
I'll explain the rules of today's match.
Today, you two will do whatever you want to do.
But you can't make any noise at that time.
- Don't make any noise! - Don't make noise!
Why is this game a game?!
Be quiet! Silent!
- Now! - The pieces of shogi have come out.
From now on, you two will play a game of taking one piece of shogi on top of the other.
- You will not make any noise at all. - I see.
You will be challenged.
Let's play rock-paper-scissors to decide who goes first.
Rock-paper-scissors!
Which one do you want me to do first?!
- High school, right?! - Yes!
Understood!
- Now, we will start! - I dropped one.
Okay, you dropped one. We will return it right away!
- What?! - Now...
- Oh, it's already from here. - Oh, it's from here.
- Now, let's start! - I dropped one.
Rock!
Be quiet! Silent!
Ha! Ha!
Where is it?
I'm sorry, but we can't do that.
I'll show you a simple way of fighting.
Where is it?
Ha! Ha!
How can you take it from the middle?
Do you need a finger?
Oh, that doctor!
Ha! Ha!
Wait a minute!
It's messed up!
What a dirty guy!
It can't be helped.
I'm surprised you don't have one.
Do you have one of these?
Ha! Ha!
Oh, no!
No way!
Are you serious?
Ha! Ha!
It's all because of you!
Huh?
It's like a mixture of middle-aged men.
Next up is this!
Next up is...
Dekopin!
You have a compass, right?
Yes.
Let's use this compass.
Yes.
Ouch!
If you hit your head, you lose.
Are you ready? Then let's play rock, paper, scissors.
Rock, paper, scissors!
Let's start with you, Toma-san.
Let's start with you, Ben-san.
He's an idiot when it comes to things like this!
You don't even know what's going on, do you?!
No, I don't know anything about it!
I'm serious about this!
Don't make a big deal out of it!
This guy's eyes are red!
They're not the eyes of an entertainer!
Here we go!
What's with you?!
Let me talk quietly!
You can't say anything from now on.
Yes, that's right.
That's it!
Shut up and play the game!
It seems like you were in pain.
Even if you were in pain, you shouldn't say it out loud!
If you said it out loud even if you were in pain, you'd look like a loser!
Now...
Did you get up? Were you surprised because you got up?
You weren't in pain, were you?
You got beaten up, didn't you?
You got beaten up, even though you were playing deco pin.
Today, today, you'll get a penalty.
It's a penalty, so you'll do it twice in a row.
OK, Mr. Bell.
It's a penalty. You can't break the rule!
Penalty, twice in a row!
Are you OK? Are you OK?
You didn't say anything!
You wasted your first chance!
What did you say?
OK, OK. One more time, one more time.
Hey! Give me my phone back!
Time's up!
You two are so heavy!
Shibuya, let me go!
You're so heavy!
Hey, you guys!
It's okay if you're tired!
Now!
Now, let's go!
Hey, you!
What?
You're scratching me with your nails!
I'm not scratching you!
You're dirty!
If you hit me, I'll be dirty, too!
Now!
Here's the next one!
Now!
The hot water is ready!
From now on,
you'll take the hot water from this dropper
and pour it where you like!
It's hot!
Until now, it's been hot!
If you say that, you lose!
Wait a minute!
Yes?
It's tough!
Anywhere is fine!
Oh, I've decided, too!
I know where it's tough!
It's both of our calculations!
Okay, okay!
Let's do rock, paper, scissors after the match!
Rock, paper, scissors!
Okay!
I won first place!
You're very excited!
You're very excited all of a sudden!
Now!
I'm sure I can't stand it anymore!
You found such a good position!
Of course!
What's with him?
I got it!
Now, let's do it!
Game!
Be quiet and silent!
You said it.
Where are you going?
You're not going anywhere!
Quiet!
Uh, Ben, you're really angry!
You're very angry!
Okay, now, cool down!
No!
Don't cool down!
I won't!
I won't! I won't!
The end!
You all want to fall for a star, so you're desperate!
And so, the next match is this!
Now, for the last one. Look behind you.
There are two rooms.
While you're at it, you'll go into each of the rooms.
You'll do exactly as I say.
Is that okay? First, you'll go into the room.
Then, you'll take out a drink from the fridge.
You'll open up the dining table and take out a glass of wine.
You'll put the drink in there, take a sip, and once you've calmed down,
you'll put it in your bed and go to sleep.
The winner is the one who finishes this task first.
Of course, if you lose during that time, you'll lose.
Is that okay?
Look in the middle.
Yes.
There's an "I want you" full of poop.
What's that?
It's an "I want you" full of poop.
Yes, it's an "I want you" full of poop.
"I want you" full of poop.
It's an old manzai.
Now, let's have you two stand by.
Stand by.
Now...
I'll start.
Can I start?
Now, for the last one, there are three points.
You can also reverse the game.
Be quiet and...
Silent!
"I want you" full of poop
Excuse me, I need to read this.
(whispering)
No, no. I should not drink it directly.
I'll eat it first. Give me the glass.
Oh, nasty.
Move it slowly. Move it slowly.
I'm not lucky.
Ah, it is fast, it is fast, it is fast.
What is it? What is it?
Watch out! Watch out!
Watch out!
How was it? How was it?
No, it was too...
It was too intense...
The pigeon stopped.
The pigeon was like a mannequin, wasn't it?
It was too good!
And with that...
This time...
With Dave Spector and Wada Ben...
Wada Ben's...
See you next week!
See you!
- Amada, you there? - Yes, I'm coming!
- What do you want? - Give me back my money!
- I said I don't have it!
- You're always like this! - Shut up!
- I'm sorry. - If you say it out loud, I'll beat you up!
- Brother... - Please, sit down.
I'm sorry, Amada.
I know it's rude of me to ask you like this, but I don't have any money.
- Are you sure about that? - Yes, I am.
- I heard rumors about you. - What are you talking about?
- You're a troublesome man. - What do you mean?
- Amada... Japan is rich now, isn't it? - Yes, it is.
- Have you ever been on a Shinkansen? - Yes, I have.
- It's amazing how fast a piece of iron can run. - Yes, it is.
- The Tokyo-Osaka line runs for two and a half hours. - Yes, it does.
- I also got on one recently. - Yes.
- You know, the one that runs inland. - Yes, I know.
- The train just passed through Shizuoka. - Yes, I know.
- I was asked about it and... - What should we do?!
(laughter)
(phone ringing)
- Oh, it's a phone call. - Yes.
Oh, yes, that's right.
Oh, yes, yes, please wait a moment.
- It's from Osaka Travel Agency. - Oh, yes, yes, yes.
Oh, hello!
Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you!
Yes, which way is Misubori?
Oh! One hundred and fifty thousand!
One hundred and fifty thousand per person?!
One hundred and fifty thousand? To Hawaii?!
Really?! That's cheap!
Yes!
Yes! Is that okay with you?!
Oh, is that so?! (laughter)
Yes! I'm thinking of gathering fifteen people!
Oh, of course! Once a year we go on a peace trip!
Yes! I understand! Well, then!
Oh, thank you! Thank you!
Hawaii! Hawaii!
(laughter)
Peace trip to Hawaii!
You can't buy it! (laughter)
You can't buy it! You can't buy it! You can't buy it!
(laughter)
You can't buy it! You can't buy it!
(laughter)
You, uh...
You seem like you're having a lot of fun, but...
(laughter)
Do you know that idiot, Sakata?
(laughter)
Oh, uh... Sakata...
Oh, yes, yes...
The other day, he caused a traffic accident.
Oh, yes, I know!
Well, everyone says that guy is an idiot.
But an idiot can't be a comedian.
Oh, yes, I know!
An idiot can only be a smart guy.
Yes, yes, I know!
Even in a circus, the one with the best technique is a clown.
Oh, yes, I know!
Being good is bad.
Oh, yes, I know!
He's an idiot! He's an idiot! He's an idiot! He's an idiot!
Hey! Hey! Hey!
I'll beat you up!
You're an idiot!
Yoko, my head hurts.
Bring me some medicine.
Yes.
Oh, I'm sorry. Give me some medicine.
Ouch, ouch, ouch.
I see.
This is probably...
How many drops did you take?
Two.
Two drops?
Ouch!
That's my brother for you.
I'll cut you up!
Let's go!
It looks like you woke up a sleeping tiger.
Motou Nyango Club?
I don't know.
Good morning!
Please come in.
- You're pretty slow. - I don't know! I don't know!
Go ahead.
- Mr. Yamada, how many children do you have now? - I have three.
- Oh, you have three. - Yes, I have three.
- You're good. - You're not married yet, are you?
- I'm married! - Oh, you're married. - Yes.
- You know. - I know. - Do you have children? - I have two.
- You have two? - I'm a fourth-year and a second - year student.
- Oh, you're married. - Yes, but it's hard.
- Oh, I'm sorry. Can I have this gum? - Why?
It's my birthday in the winter.
- I only do it for a thousand yen a day. - Oh, I see.
- Even for my own food bill... - Get a part-time job!
Yes, I'll get a part-time job.
- Um, can I ask you something? - Yes.
Actually, I've found a partner and I'm thinking of doing manzai with him.
- Again? - No, I can do it this time.
- You found him so quickly. - Yes, we met at a pub by chance.
- Go ahead. - Um, I'm inviting him again today.
If you have time, I'd like you to watch it.
- Are you coming? - Yes. - Go ahead.
- Are you sure? - Yes. - Thank you!
Onyudo-kun!
- Good morning! - Good morning!
Um, my partner, thank you for your hard work! Everyone, thank you! Thank you!
Today's meeting was really good! Really, really, um...
- My partner! - Thank you! Thank you! - How old are you? - Um, I'm twenty-two!
- Twenty-two? - Yes! - What were you doing until now? - Until now, I was a salaryman, but...
I thought I'd try it out here for once! I really always watch TV!
I thought it was wonderful! I'm really glad! Yes!
- Do you have siblings? - Ah, siblings! I have two! - Two? - Yes!
- How... How do you know? - Um, my sister is there, but...
She's a really great fan of mine, and um... I haven't told her I'd be meeting her today, but...
- You've finished talking, haven't you? - Yes! - I see.
- Why don't you try it out? - May I? - Yes! - Can I do it here?
- Well, just watch it! - Ah, I'm sorry! It's short, but I wrote it a little!
- Ah, I see! You wrote it in short? - Yes! - I see!
- Um, may I? - Yes! - I'm sorry! I'll do my best! - Um, Onyudo-kun...
- Ah, let's do it like that! - Ah, okay, okay! - Yes!
- Everyone! First of all, I'm Sandaisu's Shinji! - I'm Koji!
- Ah, you're really doing your best! - Um, you know...
- People say we're an information society now, right? - Yes!
- We keep trying out new things! - That's right! That's right!
- Even when I'm free, I don't just sit around doing nothing! - You don't sit around doing nothing!
- I mostly use my computer! - Ah, your computer's amazing!
- Ah, you can't even use one of your computers! - That's right! That's right!
- Do you know how to use a computer? - Don't make fun of me!
- I can't even use one of my computers! - Really? - Yes!
- Ah, really? Then I'll do it for you today! - Ah, really?
- Ah, really? Then I'll do it for you today! - Ah, really? Then I'll do it for you today!
- Who are you? - You're so annoying!
- You're so annoying!
I'm sorry! I'm sorry!
That's enough!
I'm sorry!
I said the line would fly away!
What are you guys doing?
Aren't you practicing?
Here you go.
That's enough!
This is for you.
Here you go.
The line will fly away.
The line will fly away!
Oh, really?
Here you go.
What's wrong with you?
It's like I'm nervous for a real movie.
Yeah.
But I think I have a lot of talent.
I think I have a lot of talent.
Are you okay?
Hey, hey, hey!
Now!
Dry Natto!
Hey!
Onew Dog!
- Are you okay? - Excuse me!
Please call an ambulance!
Excuse me!
Onew Dog!
Are you okay? Onew Dog!
A black and white portrait of an amateur painter!
What a nostalgic set!
How nostalgic...
Speaking of which, where is Onew Dog?
He used to be here.
He used to be here, didn't he?
We don't have a set like this nowadays!
Today we have a domestic delivery.
It's a Koshiikari.
It seems like you got it from someone else.
Oda-kun, do you have any rice left?
I don't have any rice, and I don't buy it.
You don't eat at home?
A star doesn't eat at home.
I like grilled pork from overseas.
Do you like grilled pork from overseas?
I like papaya.
Why?!
If you had money, you'd definitely put papaya on the table!
Well, then...
Now we'll have our guest judges join us.
Let's introduce them!
First of all, she's been doing manzai for 44 years!
Utsumi Yoshitsuna!
And next to her is the idol you know and love, Shinohara Ryoko!
And last but not least, the ace of Fuji TV's entertainment show, Sato Yoshikazu producer!
Shinohara Ryoko!
I've made a lot of funny jokes, but none of them were funny.
Thank you for having me!
Are you also a producer?
Yes, I am!
Thank you!
Okay, let's get started!
First of all, here's our top story!
Manzai!
Produced by Kiyoshi, the title is "The Two Are Always Well"!
Hello!
- You say it. - No, you say it.
- No, you say it.
- You say it! - Yes! I'm Kiyoshi!
- Correct!
- Kiyoshi-san! - Yes?
- What is your usual healthy secret?
- My secret? - Yes.
- The health law...
- Every day... - Yes?
- I drink alcohol... - Yes?
- I drink it for breakfast, lunch and dinner. - Yes, yes!
- Isn't it so, Kiyoshi-san? - Yes, yes.
- You and I are always together in our hearts and minds. - Yes?
- Is my son healthy? - Yes!
- Yes, yes! - Yes!
- The other day... - Yes?
- You and I went to that contest... - Yes, yes!
- Yes, yes, yes! - Yes!
- At that time, you were young... - Yes! I was!
- You were wearing a swimsuit... - Oh!
- You were so thin! - I see! I see!
- You were wearing something... - Yes!
- You were wearing something... - I see!
- You were wearing something... - I saw everything you wore...
- I took pains to see it through until the end.
- I see! I see! - I also...
- Yes? - I also arrived there a bit early, Kiyoshi-san...
- Yes! - Yes!
- I'm not going to be taken away by you.
- Thank you very much! - Please come in!
- Thank you very much!
- So, how was it? - How about you, Sho?
- Do you like manga? - I love it!
- If only you were a little smarter... - It's my first time.
- What? - It's my first time. - It's your first time.
- It's your first time and you're a great person. - No, no, no...
- But... - No, no, no...
- What is it you're talking about? - Oh, I'm sorry!
- You're nodding your head. - I'm nodding my head, aren't I?
- No! - No!
- Is this your first time? - It's my first time.
- It's your first time and you're a great person. - No, no, no...
- It's my first time and you're a great person. - No, no, no...
- That's it for you. - Yeah, that's it for you.
- Study hard! - Yeah.
- Study hard! - You're really going to do it?!
- Starting from now... - Are you really going to do it?!
- We'll talk about this later. - OK!
- So, thank you for your pure and strong singing!
- Next, who will be presenting? - Next...
Mr. Onodai Heihachiro, please give us a short story!
Let me tell you a short story.
The first story is...
Hashi!
But, a woman has been calling you.
What is she to you?
She is your mother.
"Kobanachi" Part Two
Oh, no!
I thought that man wouldn't be caught by either a knife or a stick,
but surprisingly...
you have good taste.
Well, that old man is eating rice curry with chopsticks.
As expected of the Edo period.
No, it's a can.
Kobanaki, that night...
You're all the same, aren't you?
Coffee, please!
Sam, what did you think of it?
Well...
It reminds me of my late husband.
It's a little story.
Well, I can't say anything about it.
Well...
It's a terrible tempo.
Right?
It's definitely not for a professional.
It's not even calculated.
It's not calculated!
Young lady, please ask him.
Yoko, what did you think of it?
Well...
I thought it was interesting.
Yoko, what did you think of it?
Thank you very much.
What?!
You... you...
You think it's interesting, don't you?!
That's right.
But you know...
If it's not interesting...
You can't do it.
That's right.
Well, thank you very much!
Next...
Hirooka!
Tenichiro.
"Fukuwajitsu"!
Please!
I'm Hirooka.
You are...
Shou-chan!
Shou-chan, well...
Shou-chan, how old are you now?
I'm five years old.
Shou-chan, you'll grow up again, won't you?
No, I won't!
It's a doll, so don't forget it!
It's moving with my mouth!
Well, goodbye.
Wonderful!
Is this your own school?
Well, I sell coffee.
Coffee?!
You sell coffee with that?!
Well, I'd like to talk to Shou-chan, but...
Shou-chan!
What?!
Shou-chan, how old are you now?
I'm five years old.
Shou-chan, do you like Teichiro?
What?!
Sometimes...
Sometimes it's my own voice, so it's like a doll's.
That's funny.
Thank you!
That was funny!
I'd like to watch it again!
Anyway, the last one!
Kamiichi Uchida!
"Flattance"!
Please come out!
Let's go to the beach and dance together, our dance.
I'll give you a beautiful ring.
Shall we dance, my dear?
Let's paint our noses.
I'll give you a beautiful ring.
Shall we dance, my dear?
Let's paint our noses.
Shall we dance, my dear?
Let's paint our noses.
How did you like our dance?
Why did you think it was fun?
It's fun, isn't it?
I don't like it.
What is it?
It's a 500-yen coin.
This is the most expensive one, 800 yen.
This is 800 yen!
I bought it at a shop across the street.
Is the shirt yours?
It's my mother's.
Isn't it nice?
Let's dance together.
I see.
My mother always says good things.
Thank you very much!
Judges, please think about it for a moment and announce the winner.
Well, Mr. Wazo, please announce the winner.
Yes, can I say it first?
Yes, please announce the winner!
Yes, well... No. 2, Mr. Onoda of Kobanashi!
Mr. Onoda of Kobanashi!
Well, Mr. Onoda of Kobanashi will receive 1,000,000 yen as a present from his mother!
Thank you very much!
Yes!
I think it's very encouraging for an elderly person like you to do something like this.
It's a good thing!
Well...
If you're enjoying doing it, I hope you two will continue doing it until you get older!
I'm sorry!
I understand!
Thank you very much, everyone!
I hope you two will continue doing it!
You're finally back!
You must be tired, Gekko!
What's with you?!
What are you doing?!
I'm sorry! I'm sorry, I need to poop!
What are you doing?!
Um...
What?
Two weeks ago, you said you'd buy it for me again.
You said you'd do it on Monday, so I came.
But you weren't here.
Oh, I forgot!
I'm sorry! I forgot!
I've been waiting for you.
You've been waiting for me for two weeks?
Yes, you've been waiting for me.
No, it stinks!
Oh, it stinks!
It stinks!
Oh, it probably stinks!
It's probably me.
Did you go somewhere?
No, I went to Hawaii with my family.
Oh, you went on a trip?
Yes.
Is it heavy?
No, it's not heavy!
What about you, Ryoko?
Ryoko's the same!
You've been here for two weeks?
Yes.
Um...
No, I wasn't here.
I could have gone home right away.
I heard that it stinks in Tokyo,
and I didn't want to get robbed or anything like that,
so I took it easy and caught a cold.
I wasn't feeling well,
but two weeks later, I decided to take a break.
So I took a break.
But people kept coming.
Bang! Bang! Bang!
They came and went, and came and went.
But there were still people who came.
But...
among them...
there was probably a real thief, too.
I see...
There are dogs, too, aren't there?
I think so, too.
I see...
It was tough, wasn't it? Two weeks.
But still...
when it's tough...
a photo book!
- You still had it? - Yes.
Well...
I'm hungry.
- Let's eat. - I'm hungry, too.
- Do you have anything? - Yes, we do.
- Let's order something. - Yes.
Aren't you hungry?
Well...
I like cubes, but...
It's tough.
Well? It's been a while since you ate at home, hasn't it?
- Really? - Yes.
Sometimes you're funny.
- Really? - Yes.
- Well... come in. - Yes.
Thief!
Thief! Thief!
Go home!
I'll go home today.
After the war ended, we were born.
Without knowing about the war, we grew up.
We became adults and began to walk.
While kissing the song of peace,
I want you to remember our names.
We are children who don't know about war.
We are sponsored by Netsur Japan, Nissin Foods, Maiden, Roppe, and P&G.