AISubs v3.4
In the first episode of "Useless Kids", "Chikichi! Aim for one million yen! Eat up all of Osho's menu!"
Osho!
It's a little different from before.
As I said before, you can't book Osho unless you make a reservation over the phone.
It's become such a shop.
Let's go to Osho.
You can eat up all of Osho's menu!
How many kinds are there?
There are 87 kinds.
If you order all of them, it's 36,769 yen.
That's cheap!
Can we eat all of them?
To be honest...
Can I say "shoro" with five middle-aged men?
That's right.
But!
But it's impossible for the five of us.
No, it's impossible.
Thank you.
Can you come up?
Yes, let's go!
Come in!
These people!
Come in!
Thank you!
If you're wondering why there are so many of you...
I thought you'd come.
No, no, no!
Is that so?
Am I fat or do I have a beard?
No, no, no!
Do you have a beard?
That's not true!
But last time, I went to eat with Mr. Mimatsu.
Oh, Mr. Mimatsu again.
He said, "I'm the only one who left a mark this time."
In the last recording.
You're so mean!
He said it.
I hate you!
How is it?
In terms of experience...
I eat a lot now.
I love eating.
You've lost weight.
I've lost weight.
I love eating.
I eat about twice a year.
That's normal.
That's not much.
But it looks like you're watching "Shinkigi".
Everyone's eating a lot.
Everyone, let's do our best!
"Shinkigi" recording, start!
Please like and subscribe!
Gyoza King Show! Eat up all the menus!
Greatly processed all kinds of food for 100 units of yen! If you fail, you have to pay for it yourself!
It's open from 11.30am to 3am!
Will it be a great success?!
First order, please!
Yes, yes!
We'll take turns.
Yes, yes!
Here you go!
Thank you for waiting!
Gyoza King Show! Eat up all the menus!
It's refreshing and delicious!
How about you, Gyoza King?
I can eat it all by myself!
Really?!
Really! I can eat it all!
That's great!
I'm not a big eater, but I can eat two Gyozas.
Well, well, well...
Excuse me!
Could you stop for a second?
Excuse me!
What's wrong?
Huh?
What's wrong?
Oh, my God!
What's wrong with you?
What's wrong?
Huh?
What's wrong with you?
Why do you say you don't eat much when you're planning to eat a lot?
But it's a lie to say I eat a lot.
It's a lie!
Do you really want to tell me the truth?
Do you really want to tell me the truth that you don't eat much?
It can't be helped if you can't eat it because you say you eat a lot.
But it's okay, isn't it?
You haven't eaten a lot from the beginning, have you?
Right?
You're too excited.
And you know, I come here about twice a year.
I've let you down, haven't I?
Maybe you called me nicely last time.
But you just missed that chance.
It's over.
It's over?
No, it's not.
It's over, isn't it?
It's only just begun.
No, it's not only just begun.
Have you ever been called again for doing something wrong?
You haven't, have you?
Batsume, you failed, but please do it again next time.
There wasn't such a kind show, was there?
You've failed even more now.
It's over.
Everything is over.
You won't be called again.
Right?
Tanaka, just let him do it.
Make sure you do it properly.
Make it look like you can do it.
You don't need any appeals or anything like that.
I just want you to do it.
You have a lot of appeals.
Isn't it like that when you're doing FM radio?
A guest comes and asks you a question.
And you make it look like you're doing it yourself.
So you give him the question that's written in the script.
And you say, "No, it's for this album."
And you say it.
You have about five questions.
And when you're done with those five questions, you stop talking.
So I say, "Oh, he's not talking."
And when you don't talk, you always say something like...
I see.
That's right.
It's like that, isn't it?
Why is it like that?
Why do you keep quiet?
You're losing your voice.
Right?
So I panic and say, "Oh, but even if I write the song this time..."
"I'm sorry, but are you doing your own thing?" I asked you a question like that.
So you... "Here you are, sir. Here's your dumpling."
I'm not saying much.
I dare... I dare say I was silent.
I didn't say anything.
After you asked me a question, after you asked me five questions, you said, "Hmm, I see. Hmm."
I was silent.
You said, "Hmm, hmm," for about six seconds, and in the end...
Don't you have any questions for me, Nishio-san?
You asked me a question, didn't you?
You didn't ask the artist.
I don't need that kind of appeal.
When Yoshio Kojima was having a great break...
Well, in the middle of the story...
When I said, "It doesn't matter."
Normally, I thought you'd say, "Don't mess with me!"
When I said, "It doesn't matter," you said, "It does matter!"
What do you mean? It didn't matter at all.
I don't know anything at all.
So you're Yoshio Kojima's gag, aren't you?
I don't know Yoshio Kojima.
Yeah, I don't know.
And that's it.
I want you to study.
When I was on the show...
I don't think you noticed it, but I'm actually fat.
You said, "Why?"
I'm fat.
What do you mean, "Why?"
I'm fat.
What do you mean, "Why?"
I'm asking you, "Why are you fat?"
When I was in fourth grade, my family started going to Okinawa.
I started traveling from there, so I got fat.
You'd better say that.
I'm fat, but why?
- It's a sweet and sour fish. - It's a sweet and sour fish.
- In that situation, you often say, "I'm done playing with you."
- I'm not playing with you. I'm scared of you. I'm not going to play with you. I'm scared of you.
- I'm not playing with you. I'm scared of you. - You're not playing with me. I'm scared of you.
- You know only what to say and you're doing it for me. I'm not going to do it.
- Once you were eating a mess of food.
- I was irritated. "Hey, you, don't eat a mess of food."
- I said. "Do you remember what you said?"
- "If I can't stand it, I won't eat with Takeuchi."
- "First of all, I may be Takeuchi."
- "Your local friends may be a mess of food."
- "First of all, I may be Takeuchi."
Do you check what you look like?
- I'm just asking. - "Ebichiritohappousaitosureta desu."
- "Excuse me." - You don't check it, do you?
- I've been asking you about it for a while now. - "What?"
You look like you're super proud of yourself, but do you check what you look like?
And you say, "I don't check what I look like."
And you say it in a really cool way. "I don't check it."
You should check it.
You should check what you look like.
You should check if you can use this part of you.
You'll know if you check it.
You haven't danced successfully even once with your impersonations.
You haven't slipped even once.
You haven't made a mistake even once even if you're stupid like me.
You haven't spoken even once in a two-hour special edition.
You can see it all.
You should check it.
You'll learn a lot.
I'll ask you one more thing.
Did you see the video I showed you last time?
I'm asking you a question.
Did you see it?
I didn't see it.
You didn't see it?
Yes.
You didn't see it?
I'm relieved you didn't see it.
You didn't see it, right?
Yes.
You didn't see it.
There must be a reason.
Why didn't you see it?
I tried to show you the video, but...
I can't hear you.
I tried to show you the video, but...
my wife was filming it at the same time as me.
I'm asking you a question.
No, no, no.
That's your family's freedom.
Right?
Your wife is strong.
I can't interfere with that.
That's fine. I understand.
But!
You didn't see it.
There must be a reason.
That means...
you asked the people in the agency...
Would you show me the video you filmed?
Would you ask the staff to give you the DVD?
That means you asked them.
I didn't ask them.
You didn't ask them.
You're still irritated.
You didn't ask them.
You're still irritated.
What's wrong?
You didn't see it?
I didn't see it.
You didn't see it.
Then, why didn't you see it?
I wasn't at home.
You weren't at home.
Yes.
You didn't film it.
You didn't ask people for help.
You didn't see it.
Even though you didn't see it...
you said to your colleague...
You said you were hooked on me as a kid, didn't you?
Your junior told you that you were hooked on me as a kid, didn't you?
I'm talking now, though.
Did you ask me a question now?
Did you ask me a question?
Please answer me.
Did you ask me a question?
I didn't ask you a question.
You didn't, did you? Because I'm talking now.
Please don't talk.
Can we talk now?
Say it proudly to your classmate.
You're addicted.
Even if you don't see it.
It's amazing.
Where are you addicted?
Where do you think you're addicted?
Please.
I'll wait for you. Please.
I didn't ask you for details.
I'm glad you didn't ask me.
Yes, please.
Are you not convinced? Please continue.
Well, that's it.
What?
That's it.
That's it?
Yes.
You didn't ask me for details, but you said you fell in love with me.
Wow, you're strong.
You didn't ask me for details, but you said you fell in love with me.
Wow, you're strong.
You're strong-willed.
You didn't ask me for details.
That means you don't know anything about comedy.
That's all I want you to know.
You don't have to know anything.
You just have to do what you're doing for yourself.
Please.
I always look for a timing for comedy on a program.
For example, I always say "tsukkomu" when I'm funny.
Read the atmosphere of the place.
Three?
Three, right?
Raise the tension.
Four, right?
Can't you hear me?
Yes.
I got it.
These four things I do.
First, say where you say one-shot jokes.
I haven't said it once in a seven-hour program, so I won't say it again.
It hasn't been done.
Second, I always say "tsukkomu" when I'm funny.
I've gone through it earlier, so I don't do it anymore.
I don't do it anymore.
Third, read the atmosphere of the place.
If I were reading the atmosphere of the place, I wouldn't say "I can't eat."
I don't do it anymore.
Third, I haven't done it yet.
Fourth, raise the tension.
I can't say it here.
"No" is commonplace.
So when I say it, it's not too low-level.
I said "no" but I haven't said it yet.
I haven't said it yet.
It's been a while, but I haven't said it yet.
It doesn't ring.
If you still have it, go ahead.
Doesn't it ring?
Let me hear it.
It's "no" for now.
I haven't said it yet.
I haven't said it.
It's just there.
Let's do the lowest level.
It doesn't have to be funny anymore.
It's like that today, too.
Before I came here, I was so excited about this food project that I didn't know what to do.
Let's have a little meeting. We came here a little earlier.
What's up with the clock?
What's up with that?
Time? Huh? Oh, it's here.
It's been a long time.
Oh, it's here.
Does what I'm saying resonate with you now?
Does it resonate with you?
Then I'll be relieved.
Right?
If you could understand what I'm saying and what I'm saying, this hour wouldn't have been possible.
Really.
It's been a long time.
You don't have to say anything.
Is it okay if we continue?
What's up? Do you want to eat this?
Why did you laugh just now?
What's up?
Was it funny?
I know.
Why did you laugh? You're laughing now, too. What's up?
I'm sorry.
No, I don't want you to apologize.
I'm asking you. Why did you laugh?
What's up?
You said you wanted to eat it.
No, I saw it and asked you if you wanted to eat it.
That's why you laughed.
I said such a joke. It was funny.
I'm going back to my seat.
What's up? What did you say?
Did you throw away your white board?
No, I didn't. What's up?
It's funny when you get mad at me.
I wonder if you're mad at me.
I'm not mad at you or anything.
I don't have any feelings for you.
I don't know if you're mad at me or not, but I don't have any feelings for you.
I'm talking now.
Shut up.
I don't know if you're mad at me or not, but I don't have any feelings for you.
I'll be careful.
I'm not going to be careful.
I'm not going to apologize.
Just don't get in my way.
That's all.
Don't get in my way.
No, I'm not saying you shouldn't get in my way.
Just don't get in my way.
Please.
I don't care what happens to you.
Whether you sell or not, it doesn't matter.
Whether your children are bullied or not, it doesn't matter to me at all.
Please be bullied.
It doesn't mean anything to me.
Just don't get in my way.
That's all I feel.
Okay?
I'm glad you apologized now.
I thought you might apologize now.
I don't feel anything when you apologize.
A salaryman apologizes to you 10 meters ahead and you turn around and say, "Oh, he's apologizing."
Even if you apologize here now.
Wow, he's apologizing a lot. He's done something. He's messed up.
You turn around and apologize.
Don't get in my way.
I mean it.
Okay, I'll...
Okay?
Don't get in my way.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
Thank you.
Wow, there's a lot of people in line.
Hey!
Ladies and Gentlemen
Hello.
You know...
It's strong.
The president of XXXX...
What are you talking about?
XXXX...
It's strong, but...
What are you talking about?
The governor of Tokyo...
It's not strong.
Me?
It's strong, but...
It's not strong?
Why doesn't it come out?
It's strong.
The president of XXXX...
If it comes out, it's strong.
It will come out.
Maybe...
No, it's not.
XXXX...
It will come out.
You're right.
It doesn't come out.
What?
Is that so?
Why doesn't it come out?
It's strong, but...
Mr. Ishihara gave me a baton.
I thought it would be like that.
- No, I don't think so at all. - I have no intention of that at all.
It's you, isn't it? Don't you suddenly go home?
No, no, no, wait a minute. I don't know.
First of all, I've never stared at the National Assembly like you.
I deliberately stopped the car.
You're wrong.
I think it's probably passed under the National Assembly.
- With Kimoto. - That's...
I deliberately stopped it and opened the window. Why did you make me stare at it like that?
Then why does Kimoto lie to me?
- No, I'm not lying. - Stop it for a second.
No, no, I think he wanted me to laugh.
What does Kimoto want you to laugh about?
- And it seems like you didn't fully open the window. - A little more.
- It's like... - You're the one who turned it on!
- You're a bulletproof glass, aren't you? - No!
- Why is it bulletproof? - Are you aiming for something?
- No, it's not like that. - Really?
I don't think about it at all.
- Oh, really? - Yeah.
- Oh, well, that's good. - No, no, it's not like that.
- You're relieved, aren't you? - No, no, no.
- That's... - If that happens, you'll have to quit the show, right?
- No, I mean... - Yeah, yeah.
- You're better than me. - No, I'm not.
- I'm not like that. - You're about to say you're going out of nowhere.
- No, no, no. - I'll do it!
- Not at all. - You're about to say you're going to the National Assembly!
- I won't say it, I won't say it. - It's definitely not like that.
- No, no, it's not like that. - I'm going to say it for everyone's sake.
- If you feel like that, I'm probably going to make you do a news program or something like that.
- If you feel like that... - A little while ago...
- Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're just pretending like you're doing it.
- No, I mean, at the New Year's Day this year, I asked you, Suga-san, what positive things you said at the end of the year that you shouldn't laugh about.
- And at that moment, I said, "Oh, I'm not going out."
- No, no, no!
- I was like, "Ugh!"
- No, it's like, "How about this year?"
- To be honest with you, how many times have you dreamt of going to the National Assembly?
- I haven't even once.
- I haven't even once dreamt of going to the National Assembly.
- I haven't either.
- No, really!
- I've never dreamt of it!
- You're lying! - No, really, really!
- Have you ever dreamt of chasing after the National Assembly?
- The National Assembly...
- Have you ever dreamt of chasing after the National Assembly?
- I've dreamt of chasing after the National Assembly and then it would slide off from there.
- That's what I dream of.
- I see.
- I definitely dream of it.
- It'd be interesting if it came out of this, but...
- How about you, Yama-chan?
- I feel like I'm being targeted a little bit.
- I'd be really surprised if it fell off.
- It'd fall off at an incredible speed!
- Mr. Steel Mazer apologizes to his employees.
- He apologizes to the power.
- And that's it for this week.