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In the first episode of "Gaki no Tsukai Ara" we'll see Yamazaki Hosei sparring for the first time!
- So, Yamazaki-san. - Yes?
- Sparring for the first time. - Yes, that's right.
- Yes. - Well, to put it simply, it's Yamazaki's last chance.
- Finally, it's the last chance! - Let's ask Yamazaki himself why this happened. - I see.
- Yamazaki-san is waiting for us in the back. - That's right. - Let's go. - Yes.
- Oh, you look desperate.
- What's with that desperate look? - Well, I'm angry today. - Are you angry? - Yes, I'm fired up. - Why?
- You know what's scary about being in the entertainment world? - Yes, yes. - There's always competition. - Yes. - You lose or you win. - You lose or you win. - You lose or you win.
- In the end, you have to look up and look at their butts. - Is that so? - Yes. - If you look at their butts, you can win.
- Yamazaki, who believes that the entertainment world is the place where butts are fought, is determined to protect his own butt.
- He defends as much as he can from opponents approaching and kills his butt. - And...
- In the end, there is a champion of butts. - Yes. - Who decides? - In a match. - Yes. - And fight. - Yes, we fight. - You win, look at their butts, stand in first place. - Yes, they will definitely win. - I see. - 35 years old. - 29 years old.
- What are you doing? - What's going on?
- Well, Masuo-san. - Yes. - First, the sparring partners. - Yes, yes, yes. - Shall we call people together? - Yes.
- So, how many minutes will it take for you to take off your pants? - I see. - As long as you don't take off your pants for a long time, you win. - I see. - Well, it's a practice, so you can't take it off, right? - That's right. - I see. - Yamazaki-san, are you ready? - Yes! - Well, let's go. First of all, the sparring partners, please!
- Well, this is the first sparring partner. - As a partner, you've chosen quite a strong opponent, haven't you?
- Yamazaki-san, are you ready? - Yes! - Well, let's go. - Ready!
- Nine seconds and five seconds! - He's laughing!
- Oh! Nine seconds and five seconds! - I see! - I thought you'd last a little longer! - But you didn't even resist!
- Well, I don't attack, so it doesn't matter how much you run away. - You didn't run away at all!
- I'm glad. - You're glad? Why are you glad?
- Well, let's go! Next up is the sparring partners, please!
Oh, it's pretty good.
Oh, menchi no keiai!
Oh, it smells good.
It's amazing.
I think it's better than before, but...
Is that so?
It's pretty good.
It's already reserved for everyone.
Oh, it's pretty reserved.
Can you protect yourself from the beast- transformed carnivore?
Mrs.
Let's do it.
Ready...
Ouch!
I can't get my foot off!
We're getting knocked down!
What the hell is this?
What do you think you're doing?
Yes, Mr. Yamazaki.
Mr. Yamazaki, I had 19 seconds.
You had 19 seconds?
Yes.
That's good.
Well, I wanted you to say 30 seconds.
No.
Let me hear the footwork. I can't hold it.
Yes, let me hear the footwork.
When you wear pants, you do something like this, right?
There's something like this.
Like this little boy.
There's something like this.
When you try to wear it, there's something like this.
Oh, there it is.
Um...
As a regret...
Yes?
This is the end?
It's the end. That was the last one.
No, no, it's the champion's turn.
Oh, the champion's turn.
It's a little long.
I don't know who decided it.
Okay, let's do it!
The champion is here!
That's Hayakumo Kensen!
Hayakumo Sensei's attack!
So, Yamazaki-san, do you have a plan?
This time, it's not sparring anymore, so Yamazaki- san's attacks and punches won't be used.
I think it will be a very fun match.
You're in an "ose ose" mood all the time.
Right?
I don't make anyone laugh.
Who will win the title match?
The champion is Moriman!
Let's go!
Kick in!
That's bad!
Yamazaki-san! Yamazaki-san!
Yamazaki-san, stand up!
Get up! Get up!
She's really, really weak!
Yamasaki-san, you didn't even fight back!
One more time, please!
This is a joke!
This is really bad.
Because, you know, without joking, you said you'd definitely win.
Oh, really?
Yes.
You said it was easy?
Well, even if you say it, it doesn't end.
Yes.
I see.
Yes.
(Laughter)
You really look like you're in trouble.
(Laughter)
Well, let's go!
(Bell)
Oh, oh, oh!
Go, go!
Please.
Oh, you've come this far.
It doesn't change.
Throw it! Throw it! Throw it!
Oh, oh, oh!
(Laughter)
She took it! She took it!
She took it!
She took it! She took it!
(Laughter)
She took it! She took it!
(Laughter)
She took it! She took it!
(Laughter)
(Bell)
Mr. Yamazaki!
(Laughter)
Mr. Yamazaki!
(Laughter)
What are you doing?
Let me show you!
You!
You fool!
(Laughter)
You fool!
You don't know what's interesting at all!
You fool!
You're just having fun and not doing anything!
Is this today's opening, you fool?!
(Laughter)
Cut it out!
What are you doing?
Tell me about it, you fool!
(Bell)
Oh, oh, oh!
You're having fun and not doing anything.
No,
I'm not just having fun.
I don't know what it means.
Even if you show your butt
and everyone thinks you're great,
if you don't show your butt at all,
You don't think he'll chase you, do you?
It doesn't make sense for you to think like that.
Ladies and gentlemen.
- Is that so? - Yes, that's about it.
You know, I happened to be in the bathroom with you before the show started.
Why don't you say something?
That's my cell phone!
I turned it on first!
And you followed me and were doing yoga.
And I was like, "Shut up!"
And I was like, "Oh, it's Hatsumoto."
I hate it! You don't get it, do you?
- There are three bathrooms here. - Yeah.
- And you're facing me. - I'm running to the far left.
I'm running to the far left and I'm like, "What should I do?"
Well, I'll give you one.
- But you shouldn't have said anything! - You shouldn't have said anything!
- I was waiting for you to say something. - What did I say?!
I was waiting for you to say something.
- But... - But...
- But you're facing me and you're like... - But you're facing me and you're like...
I can't use it, you bastard.
You're using it a lot!
Well, you know, usually it's the one who's facing you who doesn't say anything.
Why would I be facing you?
- You're the one who's facing me! - No, no, no.
- Maybe it's the one who's following you who says something. - What are you talking about?!
I don't know why.
- I hate that atmosphere. - So, like that...
- You know that "hey, hey" thing? - Yeah.
- It comes down from the elevator. - Yeah.
There are two of them until it comes down!
- There are a lot of them! - There are a lot of them!
- You know, there's a narration by Mark. - Yeah.
Hey, hey, hey, music down!
Just turn it down already!
I want you to turn it up already!
Mark, don't talk!
Why are you lowering the elevator?!
It comes down so easily...
- Say something. - What?
- If we ever meet again. - I don't have anything to say...
- When you came in, I was so excited! - Yeah, me too!
The way you walked was getting closer and closer...
Is this Matsumoto?
It's gotta be him!
I knew it!
I'm so annoyed...
Say something.
I was walking the other day.
I was walking...
From behind me...
You're lying!
This is bad.
What should I do?
But it's still cute.
The other day, a kid hit me with a ball on my face.
Oh, it's you, Hana-chan!
It's hot!
As expected of you!
That's bad.
How old are you?
I'm in elementary school.
I've been in elementary school for about six years.
We're about the same age.
Well, you know...
Well, you know, I'm old.
You're definitely older than me.
Really? I'm older than you.
No, no, I'm older than you.
Well, you know...
Well, you know, I'm older than you.
I'm a little older than you.
Well, that's terrible.
That's terrible.
But what did you do about it?
Well, well, well...
I'm going to use all of my strength...
and make you look like you're going crazy.
Just your face.
Your all-powerful blue-teethed face.
Yeah, like that. He was breathing in some air and was like...
Was it just you?
No, there were about two of us.
I don't know if you know me or not, but I didn't know you.
You were so high-tensioned.
I couldn't do anything about it.
Seriously...
If it was Takamura Ken, you wouldn't do it, would you?
No, I wouldn't!
I wouldn't look at Takamura Ken and go, "Yay, Takamura Ken!"
You wouldn't do it, would you?
Because I'm clumsy!
Well, I guess I wouldn't say it.
You wouldn't do it, would you?
Well, I wouldn't do it.
I wouldn't do it, because I'm a comedian.
What else was there?
The election was over.
Yeah, the election was over.
You fell.
You fell pretty hard this time, didn't you?
You're pretty clumsy, aren't you?
Why?
You're pretty clumsy, aren't you?
Huh?
You know me...
Ow, ow, ow, ow!
Watch it!
Oh, it's a fool's face!
Tell me when you're leaving and I'll help you.
I don't know where you're coming from.
Are you going to leave?
Think about it!
But I...
I think we should fix the country.
You said something big again.
We should fix the country.
Oh, really?
What would you do if you had the most money now?
What would I do?
First of all, I would fix the consumption tax.
Wow, you're stingy!
No, no, you're a pervert!
No, I mean...
If Matsumoto were to do it, you'd expect him to help you, wouldn't you?
If you won.
Yes, yes, yes.
If a woman said, "I'll fix the consumption tax," you'd say, "No way!"
Well, well, well...
I'll make you a nation-wide hot pant.
You're stingy!
You're disgusting!
I'll make you a nation-wide hot pant.
I won't attack any country.
You're scary, you're scary!
I've had this for a long time.
On weekends, you always go to Yoshi's and drink karaoke snacks at the Golden Gai in Shinjuku until morning.
It's been a long time!
Yes, it's been a long time.
There is a thing called "jongara samurai," but what is "jongara"?
Jongara...
Jongara... Please tell me about it.
Well...
You want me to tell you about it, don't you?
Yes.
Well...
You really want me to tell you about it, don't you?
No...
Please tell me about it.
Yes, please tell me about it.
I'll change my mind.
Please tell me about it.
Then I'll tell you about it.
Yes.
You just told me you wanted me to tell you about it, didn't you?
Yes, I did.
Right?
That feeling is already "jongara."
This is a good "jongara," isn't it?
That was a good "jongara" because you were trying to teach me.
That was a very good "jongara" in a good way.
What is a bad "jongara"?
A bad "jongara" is... how can I say it...
First of all, it's "tsurime."
If you say it by appearance, it's no use!
"Jongara" is a very spiritual thing.
It's not that "look at me" tool.
Then you can't draw "tsurime."
"Tsurime" is...
This is me...
I'm sorry.
I was a little "yancha."
I don't know why.
For example, let's say you're walking in the city on a Sunday and you drop your wallet.
What do you do?
Oh, you opened it.
And?
What do you do with the wallet?
If you look inside, you'll see that it contains about 30,000 yen.
Oh, my!
What do you do?
That is "jongara."
What kind of "jongara" is that?
That is a good "jongara."
That's a bad "jongara"!
Did you steal it?
No, of course I put it in my pocket.
What did you do with your wallet?
I put it in my pocket.
Oh, my!
That's a bad "jongara"!
Wait a minute. Is it a good "jongara" to take 30,000 out of your wallet?
This is a good "jongara."
This is a bad "jongara."
This is a good "jongara."
This is a thick "jongara."
I don't know!
So, everyone, what I want to say is that everyone is "jongara."
Everyone is really "jongara."
What is the meaning of "jongara" anyway?
I don't know what "jongara" is anymore.
Ever since you came on stage today, I've been thinking, "Wow, that's a lot of "jongara"."
"Wow, that's a lot of "jongara" today."
Is it coming out?
I thought, "Wow!"
And I got cold feet.
I thought, "Wow, there's a lot of "jongara" living here.
Jongara
I'm Matsumoto, a car enthusiast who owns five supercars in his basement parking lot of his apartment building.
Thank you very much.
What do you have?
A Countach, a Tessa Rosser...
Yes.
Oh, is it the same?
No, it's different.
Well...
What else do you have?
Well...
An Integra.
"Integra"?
Is that a first?
Yes, it is.
The other day, I bought a car wash.
To avoid damaging shiny paint, I want to be careful about car washes...
Yes, yes.
Please tell me about the three most suitable soft things for car washes in the world.
Oh, yes, yes...
Is there such a thing?
Well, I don't know much about cars and women, but...
Yes.
I'm sure you don't know, but...
Well...
It's easy to damage.
Oh, yes.
Well, it's the most...
I don't know if it's the most...
Yes.
The most soft thing for metal is...
In general...
Yes.
In our world...
Yes.
It's called "the old man's...".
It's said that the back of "the old man's..." is the softest.
- But you look kind. - I know, right?
But to tell you the truth, it's physically impossible.
But you cut "the old man's..." and...
- "The old man's..."?! - That's right.
You cut "the old man's..." and put your hand in there and...
Tell me if you have it!
No, I don't think anyone has done it!
But to tell you the truth, it's morally unacceptable and there are various problems.
But to tell you the truth, it's like that.
- You take out "the old man's..." and... - You empty "the old man's..." and...
To tell you more, you turn "the old man's..." upside down and do it like this.
It's really the most...
I have a question for Matsumatsu-san, a taxi driver who uses a taxi to go to a convenience store ten meters away.
When he comes back from a business trip and is drunk, the taxi driver will not allow him to get in like every time.
Please tell me how you stop a taxi driver who can never get in there.
What do you do when you stop a taxi?
- When you stop it? - Yes.
- Sometimes you get in, right? - I don't know!
- You get in once or twice out of ten, right?
- I can't? - You know, in "Cheater's Song", there's a line "If you can't push, try pulling".
You know, it's exactly like that.
It's not just about getting in front of you.
There's also "dangerous attack".
I know that, but even if you pull like you're stopping a taxi, you can't get in, right?
A taxi driver comes and you don't get close to the taxi.
- On the contrary, you try to push... - Don't you notice?!
- You're amazing! - It's fine like that!
- Even if you get in the alley, you can't get out. - I told you!
What are you doing?!
It won't break forever!
- You have to ride it! - It can stop six cars. - Really?!
Shall we try it next week?
Let's do it in the opening next week. You've got a hole in you somewhere.
Will you stop a taxi?
I'll hide it and watch it.
I don't mind, but what I really think now is that the taxi driver is doing his best at work,
and stopping a taxi without even getting in is something I have a sense of justice for.
You know, the wolf boy's victim side...
You know what I mean? I think he'll pay for all the stops he's stopped.
He'll pay for anything.
I know.
That's it.
I heard it just now.
The... the Kunijihara taxi driver...
Scary!
Look at his face!
I don't like that.
Anyway, when you do it like this, it's a question of whether you'll stop or not.
Six cars will stop, right?
Six cars. Six cars will stop conveniently.
Conveniently? What's with that way of using it?
It's for you not to stand out.
Don't you stand out?
On the contrary, it's for you not to stand out.
If you do this, you stand out, right?
This doesn't stand out the most.
On the contrary...
It stands out!
What are you doing?
This doesn't stand out.
If you do this, you'll definitely stop.
It's the price of ten years ago.
The price hasn't changed.