AISubs v3.4
Tonight's "Downtown" is not "Gaginotsuka" or "Arahen".
- Today we're from the Philippines... - No, we're not!
- We're in Shinjuku! - No, we're not!
- What are you doing? - We're in Osaka!
- Can you speak some Japanese? - I can't speak at all, you idiot!
- Good evening! - Good evening! - You're young for an old woman! - I'm young! I'm an older woman!
- Do you want it? Do you want it? Give it to me! Thank you! - Keep it! - Thank you! - Keep it!
- Don't put it in your chest! - Where should I put it? It's so long!
- Thank you! - Is this your first time on this show? - No, it's my first time!
- Oh, it's not? - No, it's fine! - I'll take it! - Thank you!
- This show is... - Yes! - We get a lot of things! - That's good!
- Next time we'll go outside... Wow, look at that guy! Cameraman! Cameraman!
- Look! - Wow! - Wow! - He's walking with his butt out!
- Isn't it interesting? - What? - A black man coming out of a dressing room!
- You're from Kansai, aren't you? - Yes, I am!
- Dad, if you don't mind, can you take a picture of me here? - Yes, of course!
- Please take a picture of me! - Yes, of course! - I like your shiny gold teeth!
- Today we're at Comedy Theater! Is it on the 5th floor of this building? - Yes, it is!
- This is Comedy Theater's 7th floor! - It's the 7th floor! - Right? - Yes!
- We hope you'll enjoy yourselves! - Yes!
This program is brought to you by Oyama International Products...
...sunlact...
...and Toyosuisan.
Ladies and Gentlemen.
Yes, it is. It's the biggest so far.
Yes, it is.
The hut.
Yes.
Yes, it is.
The hut is big.
Yes, it is.
But the number of guests is quite low.
Yes, it is.
Today, everyone is keeping a safe distance.
Yes, it is.
It's like an experiment.
Yes, it's like "Tell me something funny."
Yes, it is.
It's going to be a tough battle.
Yes, it is.
There are a lot of things going on now.
There are a lot of things.
Yes, there is.
Well, it's a little sad, but there is a superpower boom.
Well, it's amazing.
Mr. Mark still has a lot of numbers.
He still has a lot of numbers.
It's natural for him to have a lot of numbers.
I think people who came here today probably know about it.
Do you know about it? You know about it, don't you?
Yes.
Spoon and Yugiera used to say "Konaise, poki!"
It's different now.
Mark, I'm just looking at you.
I just looked at you and did a little bit and...
Poron!
He would put a cigarette in 500 yen coin.
He would put it in and then smoke it.
It's amazing.
What's with that face?
If you put 100 yen coin in here and do something down there, it will break down.
Anyway, it's amazing that a spoon breaks just by looking at it.
You're just spinning around.
What are you saying?
What's so amazing about it?
What do you mean?
What's so amazing about it?
You're just spinning around and looking at the spoon!
Is that so?
Is that so? Then try it! Can you do it?
You're just looking at the spoon and it will break!
You shouldn't do that!
What?
You shouldn't spin around and look at the spoon!
You shouldn't do that!
What?
What are you saying?
You shouldn't spin around and look at the spoon!
You shouldn't do that!
You should be angry!
I don't think you should do that!
I don't approve of it!
You shouldn't do it!
If you look at it at night, you'll get angry!
You're just spinning around and looking at the spoon!
There are people who eat curry all over Japan!
What?
No, no!
There are people who eat pork until it's gone!
I don't approve of it.
And there's another thing!
What?
Wood!
You know how everyone laughs!
Wood!
Mr. Nishino!
You know him, right?
Mr. Nishino is amazing!
He doesn't touch anyone!
If you touch me, I'll fly away!
To the other side of the wall!
I'm not an ordinary human being!
I'm not judo!
I'm not karate!
I'm not aikido!
If you touch me, I'll die!
You know what I mean, right?
Right?
Yeah.
I'm not like that!
I don't even touch people like you!
And this big guy said to Mr. Nishino...
Stupid!
What?
He said that to Mr. Nishino.
No...
Then you shouldn't have done that!
I didn't do anything! If you do like that, won't you get punished?
No...
It's you who said "I'll fly even if you don't touch me!"
I shouldn't have caused trouble for the Apostle.
That's not true!
It's not like that!
If people who have been kicked out think like that, how will they live in Japan?
It's you who said "I'll fly even if you don't touch me!"
I won't admit it.
If people were more surprised, I would have done it.
If it were me, I would have done it now.
But that Tsumura Illusion...
Huh?
Did you see it?
Huh?
That "White Tiger" which only exists in many places in the world...
Yes.
Do you know it?
That "White Tiger" which only exists in many places in the world...
I will eliminate it in a moment.
Punish it!
Why?
Such...
Such an important thing...
Why are you doing like this?
You can't eliminate it forever!
If you eliminate it for a moment, it will appear again!
Punish it!
It's strange.
Don't say what you think.
What are you talking about?
I don't like that kind of boom.
You don't like it?
You are talking about fortune-telling boom, aren't you?
Yes, I have heard of it.
Don't make excuses!
You are almost right!
You can't eliminate fortune-telling.
From nose fortune-telling to your...
Your Caesar's heart blood...
You are doing fortune-telling based on your favorite fortune-telling.
What are you talking about?
You should think of a new fortune-telling. Think of a new one. It's a boom now.
Wait a minute. Until now we had "seiza" fortune- telling, "ketsueki" fortune-telling, "tokuro" fortune- telling...
Yes, yes.
Well, there are many kinds of fortune-telling.
Yes.
A new fortune-telling.
What kind of fortune-telling?
"Gorenger" fortune-telling.
Guess which "renger" you like.
How about this one?
If you like "momo" "renger", what is it?
You like "momo", don't you?
You like "akarenger", don't you?
You like "momo" "renger", don't you?
What are you talking about?
There is no such thing.
There is also "gourmet boom" now.
Yes, there is.
There is no such thing.
A person from a distant region goes to a rural area...
Yes, yes.
...and he wants to eat local food.
Yes, yes.
Good evening, everyone.
"Gourmet boom" is "healing boom" time.
Today, I am in Gunma Prefecture.
Gunma Prefecture is full of love and affection.
I wonder what I will eat today.
Thank you for having me.
Good evening.
Thank you for having me today.
I am surrounded by nature...
and in a good environment...
...and in a good environment...
Wait a minute.
Mr. Matsumoto...
Yes?
You can't do that!
The camera is rolling!
What are you doing?
I'll hit you!
It's a program!
I know.
Give it back!
Why don't you just talk to me normally?
I love you.
I'm short-tempered.
Good evening, everyone.
Good evening.
No, it's not time for that.
Today, I'm in a good mood!
Today, I'm with Mr. Matsumoto.
Hello, Mr. Matsumoto.
Good evening.
Hey!
You're a nice guy, surrounded by the front line!
You're right!
Is that so?
Be humble!
You're praising me badly!
Be humble!
Please!
Again? Again?
Yes, yes, yes.
Good evening, everyone!
Good evening, Uijin and Ayashinbo!
Good evening!
You're a nice guy, surrounded by people!
Oh, come on!
I'm not like that.
Oh, is that so?
Well, thank you for coming today!
Thank you!
The food is already on the table.
This is it!
Masumoto-san, what is this?
It's ashtray.
Here you are.
Don't make fun of me!
Why do you put out the ashtray?
You!
I'm angry!
Put it out!
Put out something else!
Is it out? Is it out?
It's out!
Oh, this is it, Masumoto-san!
What is this, Masumoto-san?
It's grandpa.
Stop it! Stop it!
Don't make fun of me!
Stop it!
Why do you put out grandpa's ashtray?
Don't make fun of me!
Put it out!
Put out something to eat!
Here you are!
Is it out? Is it out?
Here you are!
Thank you!
Thank you, Masumoto-san!
Today...
Yes.
We'll check the pig.
It's my favorite.
Since last night, I've been waiting for it.
For who?
I've been stewing it.
For who?
I've been stewing it for about 15 years.
It's called "hanako", a pig.
I see.
You've been stewing it for a long time, haven't you?
I call it "hanako", but it's always "boo".
It was cute, "hanako", wasn't it?
Yes.
Look at it.
When you put it on a chopstick, it's already...
Ah, it's soft.
Ah, that's "hanako"'s leg.
When I was injured, I wrapped it with a bandage.
Ah, ah, I'm sorry.
"hanako"'s ribbon is in it.
Ah.
Well, uh...
Everyone, let me try it for a moment.
"hanako"...
Let me see what it tastes like...
"boo"...
"hanako", "boo"...
Give me back "yoshio"!
Give me back "yoshio" and "hanako"!
Give me back "hanako" and "hanako"!
If you're taking "hanako" and "hanako", I'll buy you a toy, so give me "hanako" and "hanako"!
Okay, I'll buy you another one.
No matter what you say, you have a small heart.
I'm going in.
Talk with me.
Yes, yes.
But you know, you've already moved to Tokyo, right?
Yes.
It's an amazing city, isn't it, this Tokyo?
Why again?
You can't get a parking lot.
Oh, that's right. I've been looking for one, too.
Even if you have an apartment, you can't get a parking lot.
And you don't have one around you, either, right?
That's right.
It's completely jammed.
And you know, if you stop for a little bit, you'll immediately be towed away, right?
So I've been thinking about it.
If you can't be towed away...
You're watching this on TV, right?
It's special, isn't it?
It's new.
No matter how many times you're being towed away, you can't be towed away with your own car.
Which one, which one, which one?
I'm going to buy a Lecquer car.
That's for sure.
What kind of talent would want a Lecquer car?
Even if you don't have a Toyota, if you look at Lecquer cars, there are 600 of them, you know?
Today, you know, it's a little different, isn't it?
That's right.
Please explain it to me.
Today, you know, we always end with a joke, right?
Yes.
So we're going to do something like a free talk.
And say goodbye.
Today, we're going to put up a monitor here.
Actually, we've been doing this on Japanese TV since 7 o'clock, every Saturday since 7 o'clock.
We've been doing this for an hour.
We've been doing other things like "B21" and "Ring's Call".
And in that...
Hey, wait!
Why are you waiting for me like this?
And in that...
Yes.
We did a skit.
That's right.
And, you know, we didn't have enough time.
We didn't have enough time.
That's right.
It's a waste of time, isn't it?
Even though we're doing our best.
That's right.
Today, you're going to see it.
I got it! I got it! I got it! I got it!
Hey!
Don't make me do it!
Damn it!
Somebody help me!
Help me!
Everyone! Everyone!
Someone help me!
(Laughter)
He's kind of stupid.
You know, every time we talk about the Shinkansen on the instrument,
I don't know if you've seen it.
The monkey family?
That was kind of in my head, and I was like, "Argh!"
That was kind of in my head.
I'm glad we didn't do this in Oklahoma.
I was looking forward to it.
You saw it with your own eyes.
I'm glad we did it.
I see.
That's kind of in my head.
Yes, yes.
Thank you for coming.
Can you put this on for me?
This one?
You're the most beautiful girl we've had today.
You're right.
(Laughter)
Do you like it?
It's a little too much.
By the way...
Yes?
Could you bring me a toothpick instead?
Sure.
I've been doing this Osaka dialect course lately.
By the way...
In Osaka dialect, Hama-chan often says...
Itemau?
What?
"Waiton no ka?" (Does it bloom?)
What do you mean?
Are you stupid?
Are you crazy?
Does it bloom?
Yes, yes, yes.
Does it bloom?
Itemau?
"Itemau" means "I'm going to plant it."
What do you mean "plant it"?
(Laughter)
What does "plant it" mean?
I don't know.
I'm going to bite it.
What do you mean "bite it"?
What does "plant it" mean?
Just plant it!
(Laughter)
Where does "plant it" come from?
Shut up!
(Laughter)
If you say "plant it"...
It means "throw it around."
You say "throw it around," don't you?
(Laughter)
Why?
Why don't you say "throw it around"?
If you say "throw it around," you'll definitely get beaten up!
(Laughter)
(Applause)
I can't think of anything.
(Laughter)
Can't you say anything?
What do you mean?
I mean, including everything you say to Nasus-san.
Get lost!
(Laughter)
You're an adult now. You can't do anything.
It's like that.
But you know what I really think?
You know Yasu-san, Yokoyama Yasu-san?
His words, even in Osaka dialect, are pretty bad.
The grammar is pretty strange.
It's all "pop" there.
It's his words.
Right.
I'm angry, but...
But...
I'm angry,
I'm angry, but...
but...
It's really bad.
It's bad.
It's really bad.
It's bad.
That's why I usually do it.
That's why, right?
Normally I'd be angry!
But!
Well, it's not like I hate you.
It's not like that!
That kind of opposition doesn't come up at all.
It's like you're human!
But!
You're human too?
But what?
You still don't get it?
You don't get it?
But!
What do you mean "but"?
There's a lot of people who get angry in Tokyo.
Recently.
You said it too.
I sometimes say it to makeup artists and such.
When they're doing their makeup.
Should I laugh like 'kakakakaka'?
Should I laugh like I'm laughing?
Maybe it's weird.
Are you laughing now?
Why aren't you declaring it?
Hey, listen to me.
I'm not the first one.
I'm happy if you like it.
I don't think you like it.
Maybe you're wrong.
I don't know.
By the way, I was thinking of making a present for this show.
What is it?
Two sets.
I think you'll like it.
I'm sure you'll like it.
Don't say you like it.
I'm sure you'll like it.
I like you.
What?
I like you.
Once you say it, you'll know it.
Two sets.
Why two sets?
My face says it.
I'm drooling.
I'm happy if you like it.
I'm not happy!
I'm happy!
Who's happy?
Who?
Is the person in front of you happy?
But...
The person in front of me is happy.
Isn't it fashionable?
It says "face" on it.
Depending on the person, I might have a bigger face.
Good morning.
Good morning, Allen.
It's over.
Today was your first attempt, wasn't it?
At what?
At the comedy show.
Well, I got quite a lot of models.
How about your assistant?
Well, my assistant taught me about the dirtiness of this world, this entertainment world.
Your assistant?
Because...
Tonight...
I don't know where she went.
Who did she go with?
I don't know. Maybe someone hid her somewhere?
Oh, the one you sent her?
Yes. And my manager, Mr. Nitta, is desperately trying to cover it up.
You know?
But, well, it's fine.
Everyone is young like that.
It's natural for men and women to have that kind of relationship.
At that time...
After all, you shouldn't wear what you should wear.
For that reason...
I love you.
I love you so much.
This is it, isn't it?
I want you to keep it.
This is really a gift, isn't it?
Yes.
I think it's good.
It's good.
But you should think about it a little more.
Anarchist King or something like that.
It's not good.
After all, if you can do it, why don't you use it for a test?
I will use it.
Which one?
Huh?
For me, it's your face that's important.
What are you talking about? I'm the same.
For you, it's important.
But, well, it's pathetic, isn't it?
Getting dirty with Nitta.
With that, you can have fun while laughing...
You can have sex.
Yes, yes.
In Japan, it's called "tex".
It's like...
What's with this face?
You two can't laugh.
What are you talking about?
Zoom!
Ideas...
You can think about it, can't you?
You can make something like this on a program and send it to a friend.
Yes.
You can think about it like that and send it to a friend.
This program is brought to you by Oyama International Products...
...Sunlact...
...and Soyousui.