AISubs v3.5
Tonight's "Utaman" is...
"Utaman Celebrity Battle Special"!
At that moment, love...
Wow, really...
First up, veteran "Utaman" representative, Junko Akimoto!
What's with you, you stupid idiot?
Seriously, you spent like 300,000 yen on this!
Tonight's wife representative, Akira Otto!
You know I can't do it, don't you?!
I told you, didn't I?
Otto is a former professional baseball player, Izumi Ogami!
You're making me sick!
Next up, veteran "Utaman" representative, Nozomi Tsuji!
I'm going to a hotel.
Three nights at most?
And next month's bride-to-be, Miki Fujimoto!
I'm going to eat enoki mushrooms with soy sauce and sugar.
Tonight's wife battle is a huge uproar!
And also...
Motokise, you're pretty stupid, you know?
That man is participating in the battle!
"Wife Entertainment"'s "This Is Our Story" special!
This time, while working in the entertainment industry,
five women who can work as wives of their families have gathered here!
Thank you for coming!
Thank you for having me!
And...
It's been a while since you've done a brief!
It's been a while since I've done a brief, really!
While you were doing that, I got a lot of comments!
You got a lot of comments, too!
"Please be nice like you've always been," you said.
I couldn't do that!
What's wrong with you?
You're not human anymore!
Even if you're nice like you've always been, it doesn't work.
There's no anger.
That's it.
What?
That's it.
Will you do something for me?
I won't.
What are you talking about?
You said you wanted to go on a date with me last year.
Yes!
Will you go with me?
Can we go for dinner?
Can you two go?
Yes, we can.
You're not human anymore!
I'll say "can we go for dinner?"
Who? Shirogami?
No, Shoji.
Oh, Shoji!
Shoji!
And...
Inogami!
Nice to meet you!
I'm Inogami!
Nice to meet you!
Isn't this your first time on TBS?
Of course, it's my first time here, too.
Your first time, too?
We've been married for 10 years now.
What? It's been 10 years?
Yes.
It's been 10 years.
That's right.
You've gotten a little bigger.
That's why I'm telling you all to show your faces!
You're scary!
You're dangerous!
You're scary!
You're a little big today, aren't you?
No, it's not like that!
Everyone, show your faces!
Are you trying to make me fat?
No, it's not like that!
Today, we'd like to talk to you about various topics.
Let's start with this!
First of all...
The cutest part of a husband!
Is there such a thing as "cute" about a husband?
"Cute" isn't something you say because you're a man.
You don't show that side of you, do you?
Everything about him is cute!
Shoji's?
You don't know, do you?
If you knew, you'd be disgusted!
"Cute"!
You can forgive him for anything, can't you?
What's the most recent "cute" gesture you've done?
What?!
It's embarrassing!
What's that?
You're a man, aren't you?!
It's not like that!
He's cute when he's up, and he's cute all the time!
There's such a thing?!
Shoji's not like that!
Are you married and have children?
Not yet!
Next month!
Next month?
In July!
Are you sure about that?
For now...
So you're living together for now?
Not yet!
If you're not living together, why are you up all the time?
I go for a walk.
How many nights in a row do you stay up all night?
Three nights in a row.
Three?!
Do you bring your own pajamas with you?
My pajamas?
I'll put them away.
But I'm married now, so it's okay, right?
It's okay, right?
It's okay, right?!
- So you know. - Yes.
- She's cute. - All of them.
- All of them.
- Is your husband cute? - Yes, he is.
- His smile when he's drunk. - His smile when he's drunk?
I like smiling. I like cute smiles.
When we first met, he was drunk and laughing.
I fell in love with him at first sight, confessed my love and decided to go out with him.
- Did you confess your love? - No, I confessed my love at first.
- But he turned me down. - He turned you down?
- How old were you then? - I was 19.
You were 19 and you were drinking with him?
We were drinking at a friend's house.
- He likes alcohol. - You didn't drink much then?
I don't drink now, but I fell in love with him at first sight when I saw his drunk face.
I confessed my love and he confessed his love.
He confessed his love and he confessed his love to me three times.
Finally, I invited him to my concert.
I invited him to my concert and he confessed his love late at night.
- How many times did you confess your love? - Three times?
That's fine, but you're not my type all of a sudden.
I know you're drunk, but is it your second or third time?
The period passed by so quickly.
I went again about three days after I was dumped for the first time.
- That's fast. - Three days.
Can't you smile like an old man when you're drunk?
I'm not an old man! I'm not an old man!
But in the end, you look cute even when you're drunk because you're your own type of person.
I like it when I'm drunk and my face is all drooling.
So what did you say after your fourth concert?
I asked you out and you kissed me on the forehead.
Even though you weren't dating?
You don't know anything!
What are you saying?!
That's right!
You turned me down at least three times.
So I said, "If you're going to go that far, go watch my concert."
And you were like...
You're cute, Utara.
You're like a butterfly.
That's it!
You turned me down three times, didn't you, Ultraman?
- That was close. - Yeah, that was close.
It's only been like three minutes.
- You turned me down three times, didn't you, Ultraman? - I can only say "thank you."
You're right! You're opening your eyes properly!
Your stomach is fine now.
You drank a lot of KyoKyoDaHa.
It's about time.
You're thirsty.
You're not Tsuribaka Nisshi, are you?
No, I'm not.
I'm your wife.
What about you, Oogami-sama?
You're cute and all.
I don't care about that.
I've been married for ten years.
When you get married and get married, everyone says this, right?
When will it change?
Did you say that in the beginning?
We didn't say that.
We were like friends in the beginning.
We got married for fun.
- Just for fun? - So, in every way...
- You're cute! - ...you're cute.
- What's your husband's charm? - That's right.
- I wonder... - He's like a bear, isn't he?
You'll be surprised.
He doesn't know what's going on.
- It's the opposite. - He's cute!
Recently, he said he's got a great oasis in his heart.
After Fujii-san showed up,
he said there's someone more stupid than him.
He's got a great oasis in his heart.
- He's got a great oasis in his heart. - He's cute.
- You were young, weren't you, Motoki-san? - That's right.
But you're quite stupid, Motoki-san.
I'm also really stupid, but...
- What kind of answer did you say? - What kind of answer?
I'm curious about your answer.
Can you say "cuckoo"?
- Please don't ask me "cuckoo". - What?
- Please don't ask me "cuckoo". - But you have a long answer.
I think "cuckoo" will require a lot of time.
"Cuckoo" is a 6 x 6,
6 4 3...
That's right.
A long time ago,
I was asked "what is the biggest lake in Japan?"
and the answer was "the Japan Sea".
- Really? - Hmm...
That's good.
But don't you think it's cute?
I've been through shock and anger.
I think humans are cute.
Humans. Humans.
You've established your character. That's good.
I don't think I can go back to baseball.
You can't go back.
From my experience as a human dyed in variety shows, I think Saraoka-san can't go back.
He can't go back.
- Bando-san? - Bando-san can't go back.
You can't go back. You can't go back.
You don't even know how to go back.
How about you, Okubo-san?
My Kensuke? My Kensuke is cute.
The cutest part of him is...
When he's eating rakkase like this.
What do you mean by "eating rakkase"?
When he's eating rakkase, it's cute!
When I saw it today, it looked like rakkase.
What are you saying?
Do you have one, Akimo-san, that you think is cute?
Well...
If you ask me if I have earrings, I would say yes.
I have a small gold ring.
It represents people, people and people's union, and family's union.
So I decided to put a ring on it.
I'm wearing it now.
You're married and you're 38 years old?
That's right. I've been wearing earrings for about 20 years now.
It's cute, isn't it?
Do you wear it like this?
Like this? Do you want me to do it for you?
Isn't it a cow?
You're late!
You're too late!
It's not the time for you to be laughing!
Do you have one, Tano-san, that you think is cute?
I wouldn't say that!
What are you talking about?
I've asked you many times, but you haven't said it.
Here is the theme of "Aizuru".
One of us has a wallet.
There are entertainers, entertainers and celebrities.
Who has a wallet like this?
What about you, Fujimoto?
I'll have one next month, but I don't know yet.
That's right.
But I think we'll have separate plans.
Separate plans? What do you mean by separate plans?
Let's say you have one apartment.
It's 200,000 yen for one month.
Who will pay for it?
My partner.
I bought a car here.
This car costs 7 million yen.
Who will buy this car?
My partner.
Fujimoto, what will you pay for this car?
I will call the insurance company.
Insurance company?
Insurance?
Insurance.
For example, this car costs 200,000 yen.
Next, you want to buy this car for 300,000 yen.
What will you do?
I will pay all of it.
But, if I can afford it, I will buy it.
Fujimoto, you will wait until you can afford it?
Until you give up?
Is it possible?
But, at first, everyone says it's different.
But, when you have children, you can't do that.
You have to hold on to it from the beginning.
You have to hold on to it?
You have to hold on to it.
By the way, my wife is paying me for it.
Your wife?
My wife is paying me for it.
But, it's not possible.
It's not possible?
But, now, I get money for it once a month.
I work there.
I go to a cheap place.
I save the rest of the money for myself and Noah.
I use it for myself.
But, recently, when I started working...
When you get paid...
Then, I was told it would never happen.
What does it mean?
I was told it would never happen.
But, I thought it would be different.
I thought it would never happen.
No, no, no.
It's different, isn't it?
You have to hold on to it, don't you?
There are times when you have to hold on to it.
But, it's about time for us.
But, there aren't many children who are independent.
Then, it's half and half.
It's wonderful.
What do you do for a living?
I do everything for a living.
But men know that they need money.
I thought that if I made a lot of money, I would have less work.
So I told him to give me as much as I needed.
But now I'm really putting pressure on my living expenses.
So it's really hard for me now.
You can't write, you can't calculate.
Even if you have a million yen, you can only save 200,000 yen if you have 800,000 yen.
I realized that I couldn't do it.
I thought I had that kind of confidence.
But now that I've quit baseball, it's really hard for me.
I can't do it anymore.
I can't do it anymore, so I'll leave it all to you.
You do it all for me.
You know I can't do it, right?
I know you can't do it, so I'll do it all for you.
Don't complain to me.
I've been doing this every day on the Internet.
How much did you withdraw today?
Why are you withdrawing twice in the same place?
What is this card name?
I'll check it.
How much do you spend?
I spend a lot of money.
I don't know what I spend it on.
Maybe it's not a bat or a spike.
No, no, no.
I don't need it now.
You don't need it now?
I don't need it now.
Seawater fish?
Seawater fish.
Do you buy it?
There are also aquariums and fish tanks.
Do you spend so much money on it?
Fish? Like tropical fish?
Like tropical fish.
You can just eat it.
That's right.
If you really don't like it, you can sell it.
You're amazing.
You're an idiot.
But...
But you bought it.
Calm down.
If you spend money just on buying it, you should eat it.
You're amazing.
But I don't know what to do with it.
I don't know what to do with it.
But we also receive money like this, don't we?
But...
Do you receive it in cash?
I receive it in cash.
Every month?
Like you said, it's like a pillar of a nation.
So I thought it's like a pillar of a nation to support their families.
It's strange, but...
Don't you earn more than your husband?
No, we don't.
You don't?
But you don't know about it, do you?
If a commercial is decided or a variety show is decided...
What do you do in that case?
Even in that case...
I'll pay for it.
You'll pay for it?
I don't know about it, but...
I'll pay for it for men.
For men.
To support their families.
So if I receive a lot of money, I'll save it and use it for traveling.
Or I want to use it for something we can do together.
But I'll pay for my life as much as I can for my husband.
For your husband.
I don't know about that.
For living expenses...
It's better to have a fixed amount of living expenses, isn't it?
Yes.
So I'll lose a little and ask for half of it.
If you do that, which will you pay for heating expenses?
Or will you pay for food expenses?
Ah, it's difficult.
It's difficult.
It's important now.
You have to do it now.
But...
It's difficult.
You said you wanted to buy a thermal bath, didn't you?
But...
Men like thermal baths, don't they?
Do you want to be healed?
But in Japan, you boil it with soy sauce and sugar, don't you?
I don't like it.
Soy sauce!
I'll eat it with sugar!
You know, there are shrimps and such.
Can I give you two of these?
Don't eat it!
What's wrong with your house?
I'm in charge of everything in the house.
I'm in charge of everything.
And since I'm going to the local office, I have my card with me.
But when I get off at a convenience store or an ATM, I have my name card with me.
But I do it seriously.
Like, "I'm going to eat now, so I'll give you five bucks."
And then you say, "Okay," and you get off.
No, I'm not saying you're great or anything like that.
You're always buying stupid things.
When I get home from work and come home late at night, it's Christmas Day.
When I get home...
Oh! Silver, silver, silver!
That silver thing was...
Yeah, what do you call it? Illumination.
You bought illumination?
Yeah, I spent about 300,000 yen on it.
You buy stupid things.
For kids, of course...
You thought you'd be happy when you got home while I was away, didn't you?
You idiot! What did you buy?
Seriously!
But you were happy when you got home, weren't you?
What's wrong with that?
He must have gotten tired of turning on the light.
Cute! But cute!
Cute!
It's not funny!
Huh?
It's weird!
But cute is like...
When you look at someone who can't do it, you look at them from above and say "cute"?
No, but...
What does that mean?
No, but...
It's cute that you're trying so hard, but you fail.
Who says that now?
You idiot!
You spend 300,000 yen on that kind of light and it warms you up!
It's not just that, you know.
You know me, right?
When you go to Central Japan, you say it's dangerous for me and the kids.
You go to the home center and you know what it is?
You know, that light bulb and that thing that looks like this?
When you pick up the criminal and you say "cute", you buy me that.
Isn't it cute?
What do you think of it?
It's good stuff.
To be honest, it's your husband's feelings.
It's not like that.
I think he wants me to do something like this and eat it.
That's kind of you.
Something like that.
It's nice, isn't it?
Yeah, it's nice.
What do you do with this high salary?
Does your wife pay you?
Don't say that!
My wife doesn't pay me.
Look at her.
She's laughing, but she's like me.
It's kind of...
It's kind of hard for me to say.
Here it is!
The secret of a happy couple.
I'm sure you all have one of these.
Fujimoto?
I get a lot of messages.
Messages?
I've emailed him dozens of times a day.
Talk a little slower.
I've emailed him dozens of times a day.
What do you send him?
I'm leaving Ohio.
That's early, isn't it?
Isn't it 15 minutes?
It is.
It's the same at that time.
Or during work.
Or when I'm free.
What are you doing? Where are you now?
Are you watching TV?
Does it come back from the other side?
It comes back.
I don't think you can be together unless you have that feeling for life.
What?
For example, I like to email a lot of people.
You're a charismatic woman, aren't you?
If it's annoying for me to email him,
you know,
I send him a message and it comes back to me.
It's not instant, but...
Within five minutes?
I'm not particular about that.
But you have to get it back?
I'll get it back.
But...
For example, you can't contact other girls when you're playing.
I don't play.
I don't like it.
I don't play now.
You can't contact other girls for a day.
You said it yourself, didn't you?
Yes, I do it about the same.
More than ten times?
I haven't done it recently.
I stopped contacting people since then.
And then...
You got dumped?
I got dumped.
My husband felt sorry for me and told me off.
I haven't done it since then.
I haven't emailed or called anyone.
That's extreme!
And then...
You haven't emailed me lately, have you?
And then I got that sad look in my eyes, and I thought, "Oh, I want it," and that's when I started doing it again.
But it's so extreme, you know, you can't do it 10 times a day...
I know, right?
But...
Isn't it okay for you to buy alcohol?
Well, if you have 24 hours a day...
You guys are such a pain in the ass!
No, we're not!
You're such a pain in the ass!
But!
I think it's impossible.
Yes.
I can't do it either!
I can't do it!
But!
We've been working together...
I've been on this show for about 10 years...
Or 12 years...
We're in the same dressing room at work...
But we don't even call each other!
And we end up drinking together after the show, right?
I say this every week...
But I've never seen you take out your phone!
You're a man, and you're drinking...
How dare you do something like that!
When you're in the bathroom...
No, I didn't say that!
That's lovely!
I think you're already drunk...
But men don't like that, do they?
But if you were to drink like that...
Oh, you're right, men...
I'm going home in a little while, so wait for me!
I'm sorry, I'm going home now!
That might be a bit of a shock!
Right?
I'm in the bathroom right now, I'm sorry!
I'm sorry, I'm going home now, I'm sorry!
You're a pervert!
Leave it!
How cute!
You just gave me a message saying you had a cell phone, didn't you?
We don't have one in our era...
What?! Are you kidding me?!
Yeah, yeah, yeah!
You know what?!
You're making me look like I'm drunk!
That's not true!
You're making me look like I'm drunk!
I'm sorry I said that, but...
But when we don't have anything like that...
And... and... and...
And what would you do in that era?
If we did, there'd be nothing we could do.
We couldn't do anything!
That's right!
We must be at our limit, right?
Even when we don't have a cellphone...
We don't have a cellphone...
We couldn't make calls and ran into each other a lot of times, right?!
That's the problem, right?!
Yeah, that's it!
That's a good point!
That's a good thing!
But we don't have that experience...
That's right!
We don't know, but we couldn't help it, right?!
Then now we do have a cell phone!
But! But from now on, situations where you can't call or email them will definitely come up.
So when I'm eating with my seniors, they don't call me or email me.
So when I'm eating with my seniors, if they tell me I can't go out, I'll believe it 100%.
I'll believe it 100%.
I'm sure that people in our time didn't have cell phones.
I mean, you can't carry around a windbreaker.
I can smell him.
We did have cell phones!
They were a little big, though.
But it was only 15 years old.
We didn't have them in our time.
I think it was around the middle of the 90s.
So I think we're in a good era.
I don't think you can believe it, but you have to come up with ways to believe it.
So you don't have to wait in line.
What do you do?
You only call your house.
You call your house. For example, you call Fujimoto's house, right?
You call for the first time and your dad's family comes out, right?
Hello, is this Fujimoto's house?
Yes, this is Miki.
No way!
Your dad is Miki!
How are you related to our Miki?
She's my schoolmate!
She's my classmate!
That's scary!
I'll ring the bell twice and hang up.
After that, it's my turn.
That's fun!
It's a two-call.
I'll ring the bell and hang up.
She hung up!
And when I called him, he said, "It's a phone call."
I thought it was someone else, but it was not.
It could have been my father or mother.
I was so excited!
And when I said, "Mr. Junko, it's a phone call,"
I looked at my father's face and said, "I'd like to answer the phone."
I see.
That's how I am.
But it's really easy to meet up and if you're short on time, you can't meet up.
If you didn't say, "Excuse me, what time is it?"
Even if you're a little late, you can't get in touch anymore.
Did you run into each other or anything like that?
Yes, we did.
We were waiting at Shinjuku Station.
And then my husband...
No, not my husband.
My father said, "If you're even a minute late, you're no good."
He's not there anymore.
So I said... I really said I was two minutes late.
And then I could see him crossing the traffic light.
But he had already left.
I wanted to cross, but it was Shinjuku.
There were so many cars.
So what did you do?
So I got all blue and ran after him.
He's not there anymore.
We've been waiting for too long!
No, we did.
No, we actually did.
I called out, "Mr. Masayuki," but you couldn't hear me at all.
That's sad.
It's really sad.
It's sad.
At that moment...
And then...
I really...
Huh?
When that happens...
Um...
It's...
It's sad.
Right?
But you just said it's a secret, right?
I think calling and emailing are also a secret, but...
Other than that...
I kiss him every day.
You kiss him every day?
I kiss him every day.
I do it, too!
You do, right?
So I think that's a secret, right?
You suck it in every day, don't you?
Well...
Sometimes I do, but...
You kiss him every day?
Well...
A regular kiss is...
When I wake up in the morning...
And...
Huh?
When I say "I'm leaving"...
Or "I'm back"...
Or "Good night"...
Those are regular kisses.
There are three or four of them.
There are regular kisses, too.
Yes, pure regular kisses are...
Um...
Like "Thank you for the meal"...
"Thank you for the meal"?
"Thank you for the meal"...
Or...
When I get out of the bath...
Or...
What's that?
Do you go in and out of the bath separately?
We go in together.
You go in together and say...
That was a good excuse, wasn't it?
You're crazy!
I'm not crazy!
How about you, Gougami-san?
Huh?
How about you, Mocchi-kun?
For me...
Well...
It wasn't like that from the beginning.
I hope it continues like that.
I want it to continue!
Do you still want to do "I'm off" or "I'm coming back"?
No, but...
"I'm coming back" is...
Um...
It's like...
When you're fighting and you're like...
Oh, good luck!
Oh, come on!
When you say it like that...
Recently, my kids...
My kids are very supportive.
They're like...
They're like this...
Oh, Mom! Dad!
They say "hug", and they're taught...
And they make you do it like that.
They're really careful!
They've become like that...
And like...
They're like...
Even if it's awkward, they're still together.
They're good kids!
And...
And when you're newlyweds...
Do you go and kiss?
You don't think about it like that, do you?
When I'm drunk, it's amazing.
That's enough of that.
When you're drunk...
It's like...
The way you pronounce it...
You're always told "drink"...
But you add "tun" to it...
And when you're drunk...
- Do you kiss? - It's disgusting!
It's disgusting!
- It's disgusting! - It's disgusting!
What the...
What do you do when you're drunk?
Do you go and kiss?
What is that?
You don't want to say it?
You still don't want to do it?
What do you do when you're drunk?
Do you go and kiss?
Or do you say "I'm home"?
Do you do that all the time?
Regular and semi-regular.
Well...
Don't say that!
Did you go and kiss today?
What are you talking about?
You're doing it, aren't you?
But...
Surprisingly, you don't do it.
If Taga-san goes and kisses you,
Can you improve that point?
You go and kiss her!
No, I won't!
I won't!
Next up is...
Can I say something?
There's something common sense is lacking.
One time, I asked for tea.
I was going out and a customer was coming.
I asked for tea and he said "Okay, I'll get it for you."
And he got me a tea set.
But when I came back later and saw it,
there was tea in a bowl.
The customer was sitting and there was a bowl and a lid in front of him.
And he was just talking.
I saw the bowl and the lid and wanted to kiss him, but I let it out.
Isn't that cute?
It's cute!
You put it in a tea set and...
But you can't tell it's a bowl and a lid, can you?
But if it's a cute bowl and a lid,
you can't tell it's an expensive bowl and a lid.
But I think the customer was surprised.
But there's no way there's a bowl and a lid in there.
No, there isn't.
Then it's okay.
It's a little embarrassing.
It's okay.
It's a little embarrassing.
We have a VTR from Mr. Motoki.
Let's watch it.
Here's a VTR from Mr. Motoki.
In the studio, my wife is probably talking a lot and talking about a lot of things.
What is she talking about?
My wife is like that, but she leaves all the housework and money to me.
I like cars, so I bought a lot of cars and got angry.
I buy too many cars.
I used to buy a lot of cars, but I bought three cars a year.
I'm sure you'll be surprised.
Before we got married,
you said you'd just pay for our daily expenses.
But now you've taken all of it.
Things haven't changed much.
You're always talking about yourself.
What?
At home,
she's very bad at using her time.
First of all, tidying up.
She does what she should do now,
and then she'll talk about it later.
"I haven't slept enough." She'll say things like that.
If you tidy up first, you can go to bed earlier.
But I think you're really bad at using your time.
I refuse!
You refuse?!
What does "refuse" mean?
See? See? You can't do it.
You're like Stan Lee and Shikiro.
Oh, okay.
Then...
Can I?
I'm...
day game.
What?!
"Day game" is a game you play in the afternoon.
I want to live like a family in a bright afternoon.
So "day game." I think I'm good at it.
That's all.
Thank you very much.
It's not a word!
I don't like it because it doesn't work in Japanese.
I don't like the way you use your time. What's wrong with you?
I only know you, Ms. Motoki.
Didn't you have a hard time in the spring?
What?
The time...
I'm getting nosebleeds.
If you could just spend a little more time...
But, you know, the car was terrible.
What car?
What's wrong with you?
I've never been in a car race once.
I've never been in the next car race.
You've been in a car race for about three years, haven't you?
I'd like to be in a car race about twice in three years.
Even if it's the worst.
The beginning is important.
If you don't decide at first...
But you said you could raise your living expenses at first, didn't you?
But do you honestly think you've changed since you got married?
Have you changed?
Have I changed?
Yes.
Well...
I don't care anymore.
I just want you to live.
I'm doing what I have to do!