AISubs v3.5
We'll do it again this year!
New Year's Day is old-fashioned!
Don't laugh like a kid!
It's a hell of a project
where members who laugh
are prohibited from laughing!
New Year's Day is the 12th time this year!
Until now,
it has been done from hot springs hotels
to scientists and various stages,
but this year,
it's American Police!
Matsumoto, Amada, Housou,
Endo, and Tanaka,
who were born on New Year's Day,
will continue to develop
laugh traps!
These power-up laugh traps
are the strongest in the series!
In the middle of unknown business
called American Police,
laugh assassins appear one after another
and make you laugh!
There!
An hour later,
in front of American Police 24,
we'll look back at the famous scenes
from laugh assassins
who have grown in size
to scientists of last year,
and warm up
and prepare for them!
Laugh Assassins American Police 24
Right Before Countdown Special!
I think this moment is
the best in this year!
Why is Amada nodding?
(laugh)
We'll do it again this year!
Never Laugh At All American Police 24!
Tonight,
at 6:30 pm!
Damn it!
Never Laugh At All Countdown Special!
First,
in 2006,
we did Never Laugh At All Police 24!
This is a peaceful city.
Let's fill up with gasoline!
Here it comes!
(laugh)
There is no such a shop assistant.
(laugh)
There is no such shop assistant.
It's not me.
Go ahead!
I'm also in a hurry.
Go ahead!
This is bad.
Go ahead!
I don't need it! I don't need it!
Hurry up!
Let's do our best.
Hurry up!
Do you have a membership card?
No, I don't.
You can join for free. What will you do?
Please.
Join us!
End. Out.
What does it mean?
Is Haisala okay?
Not yet.
Ze?
End. Out.
What should we do?
Ouch!
What did you say?
"Zen"?
You don't know how to use "zen" well at all!
"Gasakasa" "Yagasaki" "Anpa"
It's not "mojo"
You don't know how to use "zen" well at all!
"Zen"?
Gasoline!
It's dangerous! It's dangerous!
The gasoline is a little sticky!
I didn't know this song well.
Why is it this song?
"Ushino" "Shakureishou" "Juman" "Bakudan" "Sorena" "Saya" "de"
"Hanshin" "ya" "de"
I can't think of "zen" well at all!
"Kamada" "Endo" "Yamasaki" "out"!
I can't think of "zen" well at all!
What song was it?
I think it was Itao's sense.
It's dangerous, so don't move here.
Is it "Johassun 300"?
Why is it so slow?
I think I'm a little nervous.
I just confirmed an explosion. Please come in.
Roger. Please come in.
Roger.
I will start working now. Please come in.
What?
Hamada, out!
Endo, out!
I was surprised just now.
I will do it too!
Don't Laugh! American Palace at 2pm!
Tonight at 6:30pm!
It stinks!
Don't Laugh! Countdown Special!
Continuing in 2007, Don't Laugh! Hospital at 2pm!
Megumi-san, last time you said you wrote an apology letter.
What is it?
I wrote an apology letter, so I would like you to allow me to apologize.
Oh, really?
Yes, it's a proper apology letter.
This time, I, Naita Ishii, world's weapon, as a patient,
would like to deeply apologize for making Megumi- san feel uncomfortable.
Generally, there is an image of Megumi-san as a smart woman who can even give a speech,
but in reality, she is a cheap gladiator idol who thinks whether or not to interfere with her father's affairs.
If you say it like that, you will be persecuted, won't you?
Of course.
I won't be persecuted.
Ouch, ouch, ouch!
Anyway, you can go home now.
Hurry up and come!
What are you doing?
This is the first time for me too.
I'm sorry.
I'm hospitalized because you said it's fine.
Yes.
What are you going to do for me?
I'm sorry.
These four will say anything you want, so you don't have to apologize.
Anything?
Yes, you don't have to apologize.
This is a button...
Megumi has taken out four buttons.
There are letters of "don't push" written on them.
Matsumoto, push it.
Can you say anything you want?
Yes, I can say anything you want.
Then...
Can you say anything you want?
Push it.
Matsumoto, high kick!
High kick!
Is my favorite punch.
I know that punch.
Again!
Ouch, ouch.
Wait.
I forgot.
Matsumoto,
depressed face.
This demonstration is so difficult.
Matsumoto-san, Matsumoto-san, right?
I...
Matsumoto, you want to do it too?
Wait a minute...
Really...
This is...
Make it a penis! Penis! Penis!
Penis! Penis!
This is hell...
This is hell's room...
Matsumoto, did it hurt?
It hurt...
Did it hurt a lot?
It hurt a lot...
Shall we press it one more time, Matsumoto?
It's coming... It's coming...
It's hell's room...
It's coming... It's coming...
Well, if there's a reaction like "two times now" for a variety show, it's fine, right?
That's right, that's right...
Yes, yes...
What do you think of the third reaction, comedian- san?
Well, it's been acting twice, so I think we can do it one more time, right?
That's right...
It's Matsumoto's effect...
I think it's different...
No way...
No, I don't think so...
It's fine, right?
It's fine, it's fine...
Until now, I've been doing it...
So, don't you think you should be confident, Matsumoto-san?
Come on...
Excuse me...
[The first place goes to...]
I said yes!
Everyone, thank you!
This really hurts!
This is the worst!
What is it?
"Don't Laugh, Countdown Special"!
Continuing from 2008, "Don't Laugh," "Newsman", "24 o'clock"!
Cap, I've brought five people for inspection!
Oh, you're here!
Oh, good, good!
That's enough!
You look confident.
What do you think you are?
I'm the editor cap's helmet man.
Let's do our best here.
You guys are the new reporters.
We'd like to say a lot of things, but...
Everyone, thank you for your patience.
Now, let's welcome the bride who has found happiness!
Bride!
Wow!
Chiaki-san!
Yes?
Why did you choose your husband?
Because he is more unique than my previous husband.
Can you do something interesting for me?
I will imitate Pete Takeshi-san.
Let's see it!
[On screen text]
End!
Gather up!
End!
Gather up!
[On screen text]
After commercial...
No laughing! Hotel room 24 hour famous scenes!
I'll do it again this year!
"Never Laugh" American Palace at 14 o'clock!
Tonight, at 6 o'clock, 30 minutes broadcast!
It stinks!
"Never Laugh" Countdown Special!
Continuing in 2009, "Never Laugh" Hotelman at 14 o'clock!
This guy, huh?
Will it work?
I'm worried.
He's late.
I did it!
Huh?
Seriously!?
I'm sorry!
You can't just take the pictures of other customers!
I'm sorry.
Marco!
Yes!
Be more nervous.
Today is an audition.
Marco!
No!
Let's do a facial expression.
No!
Marco is good at facial expressions.
Den!
What are you doing?
Den!
Are you sure you want to do an audition?
You can do a facial expression like this, can't you?
Den!
Next is 2010.
"Don't Laugh, Spy 24 Hours".
This?
This is...
Endo!
Can I say that one?
Woah! What are you doing?
Put that away!
I'll go and get it.
Ah, this one!
Yes, take it.
(Laughter)
Delicious, delicious.
Come on!
(Laughter)
Yamada, Yamazaki, Mendo, Nanana, Out!
(Laughter)
Come on!
Let's stop this!
This is a punishment!
Ouch! Ouch! Ouch!
This is a punishment!
This is good.
(Laughter)
Ouch! Ouch! Ouch!
(Laughter)
This was pretty bad, wasn't it?
So, how are you doing with your piercings?
They're not responding very well.
Well, you know, it's faster to cycle in this world.
Maybe you should think of something else.
Actually, I'm thinking of a duo right now.
Duo?
Yes.
In English?
I'm thinking of a duo right now.
You're thinking of a duo?
Yes.
Sounds like it.
Hey, duo!
This is too old-fashioned.
This guy is crazy.
Takumoto!
Excuse me!
Takumoto and Yuya, out!
What's up with you?
Ouch, ouch, ouch!
That's enough.
Are you okay with this old man?
I'm fine. I was just in the mood.
Anyway, do you have a story?
Yes.
Okay, it's "Amemiya".
It's "Umemiya".
Please listen.
I was scouted in Ginza at night while I was studying for college.
When I realized it, I was killed.
Takumoto!
Out!
I... I wasn't scouted!
I... I wasn't scouted...
but I was beaten up.
I'm out.
Alright!
Let's decide.
One, two...
Thank you...
What?
I don't know.
Shall we do it for the first time?
Shall we?
Let's do it for the first time.
Let's do it.
Cheer up.
For the audience.
I'm sorry.
As a professional...
Don't do it!
I'm the champion!
I'm the strongest!
Wait a minute.
What's going on?
Let's see it together.
Wow!
It looks like you!
I'm sorry.
Don't play with me anymore.
I'm serious.
Let me draw something good.
You suck.
You suck!
Out!
I'll just laugh at you.
Laugh at me.
Do something good.
Wow!
Ouch!
It looks like you!
It's amazing!
Wow!
How was it?
It's been a year.
Am I the only one laughing?
Wow!
It's all here.
Doesn't it look like Matsumoto?
It's amazing.
Should I do it like this?
Yes.
I can't do it.
What?
Normally...
Normally, you should do it like this.
I did it like this.
You should have done it like this.
You should have laughed.
Ouch!
Does it look like yours, Matsumoto?
No, it does.
It does.
Last year, I was the only one who didn't have it.
But if you look at it like this...
It does look like yours.
It does, doesn't it?
It was in there, wasn't it?
Yes.
It does look like yours.
What are you two doing?
There's nothing in there.
Are you okay?
That's right.
There's nothing in there.
Let's move on to 2012.
Don't Laugh, Be Enthusiastic at 2 p.m.
It's cute.
What?
It looks like you, doesn't it?
Yes.
Especially your lips.
What?
Are you serious?
How old are you?
I'm 45 years old.
Out!
Be enthusiastic!
Why me?
Me?
Who?
Me?
Let's end it.
Who's the best?
Yes.
How about Hama-chan?
Yes.
Okay?
How about Koma-chan?
Koma-chan?
Yes.
Make sure of it.
Yes.
What?
You're hiding your face.
What?
No, I'm doing this.
Out!
What do you know?!
But I'm sure the staff wanted you to do this.
Oh, I see.
Man, I'm tired today, too.
I'm tired, too. I'm tired.
I'm tired, too.
I've been doing this for hours.
I'm tired, too.
I don't know what you're talking about.
Mogu Mogu.
Ow!
If you move your mouth, you can't do it.
You can do something about it.
You're a retired human being.
No, no.
If you move your mouth, you can do it.
This is hard.
It's pretty solid, so it's heavy.
Koman-chan.
Koman-chan, what were you doing?
I'm sorry.
You're a retired human being.
You're wrong. You're wrong.
You're wrong.
You're going crazy.
Huh?
Your balance is...
Ow!
You're stupid.
You're going crazy.
You're good at this, Hou-san.
Huh? Koman-chan?
What's wrong?
What's wrong, Koman-chan?
I'm a little sleepy.
Out!
It's a commercial!
"Don't Laugh! Earth Defense Force 24 Hours" famous scene!
"Don't Laugh! Countdown Special"!
Continuing in 2013,
"Don't Laugh! Earth Defense Force 24 Hours"!
There might be patterns that don't exist.
Could it be...
It's huge!
Kosei! Tanaka! Endo! Hamada! Out!
It's red! It's done!
Let's give up M-1.
It's huge!
M-1!
Please give up M-1.
Let's give up M-1, which is huge.
What's in it?
Will it move?
It will stand up.
That's right.
It's amazing.
It moved!
Out!
Eh, who is it?
Do you know who it is?
Who?
Ouch! It's hard!
Why?
Really?
Wow, that's amazing. She's doing it properly.
Amazing.
Wow, that's amazing.
She's doing it.
Everyone, out!
That girl is amazing.
She's amazing.
Genius astronaut, I would like to take over the flagship commemorative exhibition.
Now, let's have genius astronaut Ken appear.
Please!
(chime)
(laugh)
(applause)
Ken, like humans,
did an experiment to see if he could live in space,
and after a year of training,
he boarded a rocket and went to space.
And at that time, he safely returned to Earth.
(clap)
A partner who went to space with Ken
is this Maeda astronaut.
(laugh)
Then I would like to ask you a question.
Yes.
Maeda astronaut.
Yes.
How was Ken in space?
Well, at first,
(laugh)
(chime)
(laugh)
It is weightless.
(laugh)
Ah, it hurts!
It is love.
(laugh)
Not only hard, but if there is no love,
the other party will not come.
That's right.
Anyway, it's a intelligence like humans.
Yes.
Wonderful.
Then,
Ken,
(laugh)
(chime)
Yusei, Mendo, Tanaka, Hamada, out!
Ken, what did you eat in space?
My favorite food is banana.
I ate meat and vegetables like you.
I noticed something while I was in space.
I eat what you eat, too.
So I became very healthy.
Maybe it's good for dieting, too.
Hamada, Tanaka, out!
Ouch!
Ken, you don't think of yourself as a monkey.
At first, you thought of me as your rival.
So you're my enemy.
When you meet eye-to-eye, you threaten me.
I'm like a terrorist.
Yes, you are.
So you know what I'm talking about.
What would you like to say to children who want to become astronauts?
I hope you can become astronauts because of your health.
Can I say something?
Sure.
Ken is very intelligent.
"Don't Laugh" Countdown Special!
Next is "Don't Laugh" Countdown Special 2014!
Next is "Gag Culture".
Today, we have a special ice bucket challenge which is popular all over the world.
Take a look!
"Don't Laugh" Countdown Special 2014!
This ice bucket challenge has become a buzz all over the world with celebrities from all walks of life involved.
The buzz began with celebrities from overseas and spread to many ordinary people as well.
And now, a new challenge is taking place all over the world.
And that challenge is...
The ice thigh kick challenge!
Yes, the ice thigh kick challenge!
Currently, this person is kicking up 4,674 ordinary people across advanced countries.
And now, he has landed in Japan as well.
And his target is...
What are you doing?!
Just like the ice bucket challenge, this challenge will also lead to the next challenger.
Who will be the next challenger?
What?!
Who will be the next challenger?
Then, Raku will be the next challenger, Hosei!
No way!
Hosei, ice thigh kick challenge!
Hey!
Hey you!
Fight me!
Wow!
This is...
No way!
He's coming! He's coming! He's coming!
Hey!
Just stay still!
Ice thigh kick!
Here comes the ice!
Who will be the next challenger?
Tamada is the next challenger.
Don't tell me you remember me.
I love you.
Matsumoto, Rendo, Kanta, Utada, Hashimoto,
hell, hell, hell, hell, hell, hell, hell, hell, hell, hell, hell, hell, hell,
This is a commercial!
Don't laugh! Famous Detective Nijiro!
I'll do it!
Don't laugh!
"Don't Laugh, American Palace" at 2 p.m.!
Tonight, at 6:30 p.m.!
It stinks!
"Don't Laugh, Countdown Special"!
Next, in 2015...
"Don't Laugh, Famous Detective" at 2 p.m.!
I'm checking the scene now.
Checking the scene?
This way.
It's you.
What should we do?
Everyone, do your best and think about it.
Think about it?
Mr. Kobayashi, did you get any fingerprints?
Not really.
It's you!
Mr. Kobayashi, you're really bad at this.
It's you!
This man is the victim's wife's nephew.
Oh, this is...
Mr. Yuruhata!
- Mr. Yuruhata? - Yes.
Could you put this bike away somewhere?
Yes, ma'am!
- Oh, no! - Oh, no!
I'll explain the situation at the scene.
The victim is a man in his 50s.
The time of death is 15 minutes.
The culprit stabbed the victim with a knife.
The victim left a double letter as a dying message.
At the scene, one of the victim's gloves and smartphone...
- What are you doing? - Get out!
- It hurts! - I don't want to say it now.
- It's a serious incident. - What's going on?
- The incident is solved. - What?
- What?
- The culprit made a big mistake.
- There was a big clue left at the scene as evidence of the culprit's mistake.
- The key words were a copy of the evidence left at the scene and...
- M...
- W...
- W, yes.
- And...
- Did you cut it out?
- It was an old ninja blue.
- I don't know anything! - I don't know anything!
- What's going on? - It's solved.
- It's only self-harm.
- As expected of an old woman.
- Hurry up and find the culprit!
- Why don't you just come in?
- Who are you?
- Oh, I'm Tafuna Ishioka.
- Excuse me.
- Wait, wait, wait! What are you touching?
- A scar on the back, a knife with fingerprints wiped off...
- A "dying message" with "w" letters...
- A glove with only one hand removed...
- Hahahahaha! - What's so funny?
- Here's the problem!
- It's a scab in the nail.
- What did you do?
- There should be a scratch on the culprit's throat.
- I see.
- Isn't that right, Mr. Wakabayashi?
I would like you to show me the origin of this dying message's "w", Mr. Wakabayashi's "w".
Why did you do it, Detective?
I got married when I was young.
I didn't try to go home because of detective's job.
That's why I ran away.
A few years later, I met a woman who looked like you.
It was you.
Me?
That's why my husband got in my way and killed me like this.
Let's put an end to everything.
Let's meet in heaven.
Let's put an end to everything.
You're good at saying good things.
I'm getting angry.
I'm going to kill you.
I'm getting angry.
I'm going to kill you.
Laugh not allowed, scientist's 24 hour mission.
We'll do it again this year!
"Never Laugh" American Palace at 2 p.m.
Tonight at 6:30 p.m.
It stinks!
"Never Laugh" Countdown Special.
Next, 2016.
"Never Laugh" Scientist at 2 p.m.
You're lying!
Can't you sleep?!
Why are you lying?!
You're lying!
Can't you see?!
You're a politician, aren't you?!
What are you doing?!
Next, currently on sale...
"Never Laugh" Scientist at 2 p.m.
Thank you for your patience!
"Never Laugh" American Police at 2 p.m.
Soon!
This year, whether you like it or not,
"Never Laugh" American Police at 2 p.m. is about to start.
Let's welcome the new year with a smile!
"Never Laugh" American Police at 2 p.m.