AISubs v3.5
TEAM Gaki presents:
Timing/Typesetting: Sacro
Translation: Michael
Quality (and English) Checker: James
Others: Rich
TG
The first annual Gaki no Tsukai Ya Arahende
Bet your whole life on this one bite
100,000 Yen prize up for grabs, Kiki Ham!!!!!
Well Matsumoto-san
It's Kiki Ham today
Downtown
Matsumoto Hitoshi
Hamada Masatoshi
This Kiki has one of the lowest success rates apparently...
Tanaka Naoki
Endo Shozo
Cocorico
Yamasaki Housei
What the hell
Oh is it?
It's really bad
Only 3 out of 20 (got the correct answer among the staff)
Success rate of the staff 3 out of 20 (15%)
Oh, it's THAT low?
It's really low, isn't it?
This is our 25th time doing this...
Yep
Put your damn hand up if you like ham...
Oh come on, you must kind of like it
But not like.... that much...
I wouldn't say I "like" it
Yeah...
For fuck sakes, there's so much nose hair hanging out of your nose
What the hell man...
GO HOME
Right, so today we have 12 different types of ham
KIKI HAM
Eat one of the twelve hams blindfolded
and then try and distinguish which one you ate
12 huh?
Get it right and get 100,000 yen!
Get it right and get 100,000 Yen
Get it wrong and get punished!!
Get it wrong and you will receive a punishment
Gotcha
No one has got one correct for a while now...
No one has got even close...
Nope, there hasn't been one
How many times have we actually got it right?
Who got it right last?
The last person to get it right (all 25 times)
Endo
Matsumoto
Yamasaki
Hamada Tanaka
February 2007 (number 20) Oolong Tea
October 2005 (number 18) Yakiniku sauce
May 2004 (number 15) Miso
March 2002 (number 10) Pudding
That would be me, in 2007
Endo I'm pretty sure...
In 2007?
Yes
Fuck, I was back in 2002...
You were all the way back in 2002..
7 years ago...
7 years ago?
You haven't got it right in 7 years?
Nothing in 7 years
For 7 years, your sense of taste has been zero?
That is woeful...
You'll never get this one right then...
You guys have gone and done it, huh?
You've really gone and done it, eh!?
I don't think this is the one---AAGGGHHHH!!!!
First up is Endo
Chosen Ham for Endo
Hoshi Furu Machi
Asahi
The one he will taste is the most expensive one
and is Asahi's "Hoshi Furu Machi"
There he goes
For the scent huh?
He's going for the scent, the firmness
The scent huh...
What's he doing?
You've not "licked anything out" for a while huh?
No, to be honest...
I'm actually doing great lately
What the hell are you on about..?
You're a bloody idiot...
You don't need to say that kind of thing...
Yeah you're probably right...
You're such an idiot...
I bet Chiaki is watching
She's going mental at the moment probably...
She's scary though you know?
She is; girls in general are!
What an idiot...
He's going for the taste...
When I swallowed it, right near the end...
It tastes a bit salty...
That's how I will determine the difference...
That's how you're going to do it?!
Yep
That's not much info to go on!
I will be fine
No way, it's impossible!
Correct answer is
Hoshi Furu Machi
Okay then...
I've eaten this Marudai Hams' "Roast Ham" quite a lot
So I will go with this one first
Tasting now
Roast Ham
It's not this one
The ham I ate... was NOT Marudai's Roast Ham
There we go...
I like it with my salad...
Oh wow, they make Marudai ham in Osaka?
Umm... that, that place
Umm... in Osaka...
Where??
He wants to know where in Osaka...
For crying out loud...
Where?
That place in Nishinomiya, innit?
Why are you speaking so casually to us?
as I went for the cheapest one first...
He just casually answered you...
Really casually...
This time, I will go for the most expensive one...
like some ordinary bloke...
The most expensive one?
Yes, Asahiya's "Hoshi Furu Machi"
800 yen for 100g
800 Yen?
I will try this one
That's expensive, this one over here is 198 Yen.
Currently tasting
Hoshi Furu Machi
Currently tasting
Hoshi Furu Machi
Just for 100 grams?
Oh wow...
They're priced so differently
800 Yen huh?
It's totally different
The ham I just tasted... was NOT Asahi's "Hoshi Furu Machi"
Oh shit...
Are you kidding me?
We are in SERIOUS trouble here guys!
It was so different, I have no idea then!
Endo, stand there...
Face over there
Shit, I'm scared
This is definitely impossible
I don't want to do it...
What's he going to do?
Ow ow ow!
You thin cut (shit) comedian!!
That looks bad...
You're right..
We have no hope
No hope at all
You tried it at a really good time
Yeah, you did
I didn't have the slightest clue
I'm seriously, like..
Can I go and try next?
Are you sure, Matsumoto-san?
You're going now?
Just please let me go now. I don't want to be the last person...
But seriously... no clue...
Then you won't get too much information from me (on how to distinguish)
No no, we do do it ourselves usually...
We try our very best...
Seriously, like I am...
We're sorry...
Are you going?
I'm the smallest piece of shit out of us lot
Okay Matsumoto-san
We are counting on you!
No I don't need that...
Hold on, you can't do that!
Put it on!
What a dirty trick...
What the hell do you mean by "you don't need it"?
Don't come on to the stage
I got really scared...
but like seriously, I am like
I think it's about when you meet the correct ham
You're right...
I think it's about the timing of when you go and taste the correct ham
Guys, let's go decide which one!
Which one is the best do you think?
But ham is the tastiest and fattiest of all meets so I eat loads of it
But ham is the tastiest and fattiest of all meats so I eat loads of it
It's not tasty or fatty
it's the least tastiest and fattest
When we went for Yakiniku, you would only eat ham!
Chosen ham for Matsumoto
V mark roast ham
Hasha
The chosen ham for Matsumoto...
is Hasha's "V mark roast ham"
I don't need the tooth pick
It's the first time he's gone second
The taste will change if you do that...
What are you doing?
Like puff...
Let's just shut up and just watch him...
He's not even trying to get it right...
No no no, of course I want to!
You just want some cheap laughs!
No no no, I want to get it right!
You definitely don't!
Seriously man...
Just watch him in silence...
Is everyone laughing?
Surely you know the answer...
not even a single laugh after my laughter at myself
Usually everyone laughs when you laugh...
It's not very salty...
There's not much salt at all
and there isn't much oil used in it either
It's frankly a very simple ham
A simple ham...
The first impressions are anyway...
First impressions?
Yama-chan loves that joke, huh?
Correct answer is
V Mark Roast Ham
I've got nothing to go on here so...
I might do what Endo did
It was this one, right?
Yes
This is like a typical Japanese ham...
Yup...
that I should try first
This one is selling well in the shops...
Currently tasting
Roast Ham
Now this one, I can tell the difference
I mean, dude...
Your partner shouts "let's do Kiki Ham" and his partner is
trying his first ham...
Why the hell do you fart?
I'm really sorry but I think you two should talk about this kind of thing privately...
This is a little bit out of our league...
We can't join this argument...
We really can't...
We are powerless
There's no way that's acceptable
On top of that, I feel sick
But anyway...
Yes...
Yes?
The texture was definitely different
I can tell the difference on this one as well, Endo...
The Ham I ate was NOT the Marudai Roast Ham
This one I knew, so I'm not really ecstatic that I got it right.
I was really confident about it
I see...
It's that different I guess...
Now, if I'm going to do the same thing as Endo did...
I would try the Hoshi Furu Machi...
Yes, that's correct...
Currently tasting
Hoshi Furu Machi
I know the answer now...
It's this one I'm sure?
It's definitely this one!
You guys have gone and done it, huh?
You've really gone and done it, eh!?
What does he mean by that?
Why is he shouting it so loudly as well...
If i am right and it is Asahiya's one...
You guys are just really sick people!
Like seriously, should you really choose Asahiya again?
You dirty shits...
We are not at all...
What's he on about...
What should I do??
I actually think I'm right about this one!
If I get this wrong I'm seriously like...
going home straight away
Come on now...
I will go home STRAIGHT away...
That's got nothing to do with this...
If you get it wrong, you have to pay the consequences...
That's right
No no, I'm a bit of a dick when it comes to this kind of thing
You can't do that...
I'm a bit of a dick with this kind of thing...
Didn't he threaten us like this the last time we played Kiki?
He threatened to hit us
And I'll like silent call you
But it'll say on our phone screens that it's Matsumoto-san
Oh look, it's Matsumoto-san
I'll withhold my number and then call you guys.
I'll withhold my number and then call you guys
Right, here we go!
I'm receiving my 100,000 Yen
The Ham I ate WAS the Asahiya's ham!
Not even close, NOT EVEN close
It's the same huge guy...
SNAP OUT OF YOUR HONEYMOON PERIOD!!
This is really a short program...
Hold on a second...
You guys should think about that situation though...
I thought it was the Asahiya one! Right here, the second one, me
Right here, second one, me, Asahiya
I thought I was right!
No no no, I don't care if you thought if you were...
Surely you should have it let happen, in theory...
No no no, I don't care about that...
I thought I snuffed out what you guys were doing
The chosen one for Tanaka is the one that Endo didn't get right and caught Matsumoto out...
Chosen Ham for Tanaka
Hoshi Furu Machi
Asahiya
Asahiya's "Hoshi Furu Machi"
You really don't want this punishment...
Of course not...
Even now, it's hurting me
It really is...
Even now, it's hurting me
Is it that bad??
It's like...
My face burns...
my fifth day in Ishigakijima (in Okinawa)
It really does hurt...
That's pretty bad...
That's tough...
It really does hurt a fair bit...
I've put the tooth pick in here...
Oh Endo-san...
just put the ham on my hand
Oh, you don't need the tooth pick?
No, I don't
My juniors won't listen to my story at all
They won't listento my little story at all
They won't listen to my little story at all
The taste, that's the important part
It's down to the taste...
It's Kiki Ham after all!
Yeah, it is. Don't bother doing stupid things with the ham...
Okay...
The texture is really "kind"
It's soft, is it?
Yes it is.
Well you know...
That is what ham is after all...
It's really easy to eat...
Yeah, because we made it small...
I'm good to go!
You're okay?
Correct answer is
Hoshi Furu Machi
First of all, from my experience
this Marudai's Roast Ham
because I've eaten it a lot
I know in my head that it's a bit different
Okay, I get you...
So I want to taste it to be able to clarify the differences...
Currently tasting
Roast Ham
You're going to eat it?
It wasn't like this...
The one before literally crumbled...
It crumbled?...
Yeah it did...
This is not the one.
I'm not going to get caught out here...
The ham that I ate...
was NOT Marudai's Roast Ham
Was it really different?
It really was different
This is where the problem starts...
It is indeed...
Now you have to decide which one next...
Personally I think...
If I choose the Asahiya, can tell the difference and get through it
I think it will give me a hell of a lot of confidence to go on
Asahiya's Hoshi Furu Machi
Currently tasting
Hoshi Furu Machi
Currently tasting
Hoshi Furu Machi
How was it again...
It's not this one
Asahiya's ham is firm
Okay, I'm confident
The ham that I atewas NOT Asahiya's Hoshi Furu Machi
The ham that I ate was NOT Asahiya's Hoshi Furu Machi
No good....
What the hell man!!
This is impossible...
This is really awful...
We're just repeating the same thing over and over...
The only difference is the person trying...
You've got to be kidding me!
It really hurts
This part is the same as well...
Ow, it already hurts...
It already hurts a bit right?
It already really hurts...
It does, right?
Ow, that hurts!
SHALL I SLICE YOU UP!?
Seriously, what are we going to do?
Hoshi Furu Machi is really something...
We have no hope in hell...
It really hurts, right?
It really does...
Your face's gone red...
It really does...
I'm going next, Yama-chan, you go last
Hamada-san, you're going next?
Do it for us, Hamada-san
Hamada is going 4th today...
We need him to get it right...
The super shit stain...
I'm definitely going to get it...
The super shit stain...
You talking about Hamada-san?
He's the super shit stain...
I'm definitely going to get it... I've been shitting loads lately...
See, he's like a premium shit stain, right?
A premium shit stain?
Ham chosen for Hamada
Roast Ham
Kamakura Ham Tomioka Shoukai
The ham chosen for Hamada
is Roast Ham from Tomioka Shoukai
It's dry...
It's dry?
Yeah..
If I say it like you would, it's definitely meat
It's not the type of ham you use for sandwiches
Are you good to go?
Correct answer
Roast Ham
Okay, I'm going to start with this one
Marudai's...
Marudai's, I see...
Currently tasting
Roast Ham
It's so soft...
Well ham is...
It is ham after all...
Yeah, ham has to be soft...
It's totally different
Ham should be...
The one I tasted was NOT Marudai's Roast Ham
The one I tasted wasn't like that...
He was so confident
It was totally different
Hmm, this one...
I don't want to try this one and then get stuck on it...
What the fuck are you looking at, oy?!
We're not allowed to look?
You're kidding me...
What the fuck are you looking at, oy?!
This comedian does not allow people to watch him
Surely if you don't watch, they get angry...
Usually, that is the case...
You guys wouldn't choose this one again right...
You guys...
You know what, I'm going to try this one...
Hoshi Furu Machi
Asahiya-san is doing amazing...
Currently tasting
Hoshi Furu Machi
It's amazing
It's taking up most of the show...
What is going on?
We all fell for it...
Ohhhh, I get it.. Why you guys got stuck on it
This dryness
Like before...
You wanted me to eat this and think it was this one...
I won't fall for that though
The ham I tasted is NOT Asahiya's Hoshi Furu Machi
Amazing...
Finally, we got over this part...
You did well to get past that part...
That's a huge wall you've just gotten over
Now it starts...
Correct answer is
Roast Ham
Chouseai Roast Ham
Hamada's now over the wall
After this, he gets a few more correct
Correct answer is
Roast Ham
Green Mark
It is NOT the Green Mark Roast ham...
4 Clear
12 Total
For the first time today, gets 4 out of the way
Kamakura Ham, Tomioka Shoukai
Currently tasting
Roast Ham
Currently tasting
Roast Ham
The texture is similar...
The dryness is similar too
Just the taste now...
When I swallow the ham...
It's not a strong taste so that's similar too
This one is really similar
Isn't this the one, oy?
Currently tasting
Roast Ham
Currently tasting
Roast Ham
Isn't this the one, oy?
Yo?
Give me a bit of water...
It's so dry...
It's the first time he is stuck...
That's true
I don't remember getting so thirsty after eating one slice before
Hey?
Did I say that I was thirsty before?
That's down to you and how you feel...
isn't it?
You have eaten a fair few now as well
Ahh man, this one...
It's so similar...
Was it this dry though?...
I don't think it was that dry...
However dry it was...
It's not this one.
The ham I ate was NOT the Kamakura Ham...
I don't think this is the one- AGHHHHHHHHH!!!
Currently tasting
Roast Ham
He looks like an office worker who's just lost his job
He's in some playground, just shouting...
I don't think this one had enough moisture...
Right, let's bet it on that...
The ham I tasted was NOT the Kamakura Roast Ham from Tomioka Shouzai
Seriously, this is amazing...
You were so close!
I thought you got it!
I thought he was going to get it too!
I'm so sure the dryness was a little different...
He was the closest by far out of us lot...
This really hurts...
It hurts like hell...
Really?...
Oh yes...
Man, he's big...
He's huge...
This is where it starts hurting
From here...
It already hurts...
His lips, his lips!
YOU BONELESS LIP!
How lucky is he?
You're right...
He gets it wrong but still comes out a winner
Yeah, he basically won...
He was so lucky...
Last up is Yamasaki
Chosen Ham for Yamasaki
V Mark Roast Ham
Hashakai
The one chosen for him is the V Mark Roast Ham
But you guys all like...
It's all in the taste...
Who told you to just slap it on my hand
Oh I'm sorry...
How difficult do you wanna be...
I TOLD YOU I WANTED TO EAT IT WITH A TOOTHPICK!!
You didn't, you didn't say that at all...
OW!!!
Hang on a second you...
I'm not going to be able to taste it as well
No, you will be fine...
Obviously that would hurt a bit...
Yeah, I was hoping he would say that...
It's thick
It's quite thick
It's very thick
Hang on a second
It is very dry
It's one of the more expensive ones...
if it's this dry
Correct answer is
V Mark Roast Ham
I'll go with this one first, I guarantee it's not this one.
I can tell just by looking at it
Currently tasting
Roast Ham
Okay you've touched it
Okay, it's not this one
You're not going to even eat it?
No, I don't need to.
I don't have to, it's totally different
But just in case...
Yeah actually, just in case...
What the hell man...
Well he should try it at least...
His head is so fucked up...
The ham I just tasted...
was NOT Marudai's Roast Ham!
Why does he speak like that? It's not funny in the slightest
I have to get it right quickly or I'm going to forget the taste
Yeah that's right, otherwise you start forgetting the moisture and taste
Currently tasting
Lightly Salted Roast Ham
That's right...
I usually do try and taste the original one for as long as possible...
The thickness is the same...
But it is TOTALLY different
He ate a bit...
Why does he only take a tiny bite?
The ham I just tasted...
Oh, he changed the way he says it...
was NOT the lightly salted Roast Ham
Let's go from this side now...
Currently tasting
Roast Ham
I actually might get this right...
The thickness is totally different
Nope...
The ham I just tasted
was NOT this Roast Ham
I think I will try with this one now...
Which one is that?...
Hold on...
Hold on a second...
It feels exactly the same when I touch it...
Hold on a second!...
Currently tasting
V Mark Roast Ham
Currently tasting
V Mark Roast Ham
Is it similar to when you ate it over there?
Like the first one?
I see...
If it will help you, you can put on the eye mask
Yeah, actually can I?
Yeah, just do exactly what you did before...
Exactly as before...
Hold the ham in you hand or you won't be able to see where the ham is...
Yeah...
Hold the ham in your hand...
You're so stupid...
You need to hold it yourself...
For crying out loud, I will give it to you, which one was it?...
What the hell man...
Get angry like before!
Yeah...
You properly shouted at me before...
There's that thing you're meant to do!
I stabbed his hand with the toothpick
just like the script said...
Currently tasting
V Mark Roast Ham
Currently tasting
V Mark Roast Ham
The thickness is identical
It's totally wrong
The elasticity
It's different, I got this!
It's totally wrong
The ham I tasted...
was NOT the V Mark Roast Ham
It was the same one as mine!
That's why when you stopped, I thought you had it!
I thought you had it!
That's why I encouraged you to wear the eye mask!
It was definitely drier
It really hurts...
I don't want it, I don't want it
It really hurts...
It hurts so bad...
Ow ow, my hair, ow...
This will hurt
Your jokes and taste are Ham-pa (SHIT)!!
Hamburger?
So yet again...
Yup...
No one is getting one...
When will someone get one right?
We're going to go 10 years without getting one right...
We're in serious trouble...
Serious trouble...
You're heading for a decade without getting one...
We really need to get one soon...
Soon you're not even going to know what Sapporo Ichiban (beer) tastes like...
You won't even be able to get that..
you'll be saying "it's shio beer (salted beer)"