AISubs v3.5
Every day, it's extremely cold all over the country.
Is it because of that?
The main character of "Gaki", Hitoshi Matsumoto, has caught a cold!
And suddenly!
An emergency plan!
An anti-epidemic video that has been censored!
It's been released all over the world!
I'm going to smoke with you today!
Smoking is hot!
Ladies and Gentlemen!
This is a question for Mr. Matsumoto, who has never been bitten in his life.
Please tell me how to speak without getting bitten.
I really think so!
Even when I watch TV, the announcers...
Even when I watch TV, the announcers often bite me, don't they?
You also bite, don't you?
No, I don't bite that much.
I've never been bitten before, right?
Liar!
No, I've never been bitten before.
You have!
No, really, really.
No, I'm sorry, really!
What are you doing?
You've done it before, haven't you?
What? Me?
No, no, stop it. You've done it before, haven't you?
No, no, honestly, I do bite sometimes.
Really? You do, don't you?
Everyone bites, doesn't they?
Well, generally...
I've never done it before.
Animals are also said to bite, aren't they?
Really?
Yes.
If you ask an animal scientist,
Have you been bitten by that animal scientist?
I haven't.
Really?
No, I've never done it before.
No, you haven't.
Everyone asks you that.
Have you been bitten by that animal scientist?
Well, you know,
the reason I bite is...
Yes?
...because I talk too much.
If I really talk with all my heart,
I don't bite.
I bite because I like to lie or back off.
Oh, is that so?
Yes.
For example, it's the same with tongue twisters.
"Gas"?
Oh, it's not "gas", is it?
Isn't this just a mistake?!
"Gas"!
"Gas"?
What? "Gas" all of a sudden?!
"Gas"!
"Gas" explosion!
Yes.
If "gas" really exploded,
I don't bite.
After all, I say it as a tongue twister, so...
Oh, if "gas" really...
"gas" exploded,
I don't bite.
Say it three times.
Say what?
That "gas" explosion.
Say it three times.
Yes!
"Gas" explosion! "Gas" explosion! "Gas" explosion!
You're a mess!
It's because you don't think at all!
Well, if you say it because you think about it, it's difficult.
That's why I bite!
That's why!
I'm telling you not to speak with your upper eye only!
Speak with your heart and feelings!
Mouth movements will follow later!
Well, I'm sorry, but...
Even now you're biting a little, aren't you?
I'm sorry, but...
No, you're forcing yourself to say it!
I'm not.
I'm sorry, but I'll do it.
Yes.
"Basu"...
"Gas" explosion!
What's that?
Hurry up and say it!
Who said it with such emotion?!
Hurry up and say it!
Oh, you say it fast?!
You forced me to say it!
Hurry up and say it!
"Gas"...
Isn't that "gas"?
No, I hate it!
I hate it!
No, I hate it!
No, I really hate it!
Because...
I can't put emotion into it!
It's not like that!
Has "gas" explosion ever happened before?!
You forced me to say it!
It hasn't!
I'm scared, so don't look at me slowly!
It hasn't!
It hasn't, but...
Don't say things like "might" have happened!
"Basu"...
"Gas"...
"Gas" explosion!
Don't say "gas"! Say "basu"!
"Basu"... "gas" explosion! "Basu"... "basu"... "gas" explosion!
So...
Don't say it!
It doesn't exist!
Then which one can you say? Which one can you say smoothly?
Can you say "might"?
What's there?
You said "might" once before.
If it's something that exists, I can say it.
What's there?
For example, "raw seaweed", "raw rice", "raw tuna"...
Don't say it! It doesn't exist!
It's because it doesn't exist!
What is "raw seaweed", "raw rice", "raw egg" then?
It doesn't exist, "raw gummy".
You said "raw gummy"!
It's "gummy"!
"Gummy" is that snack, isn't it?
What is "raw gummy"?
"Raw" is...
There's "raw" in a snack!
I didn't hear you!
Shut up, you!
Say it, quickly!
Say it, rather than biting it!
What is it?
Bite it, you! Let me hear it, quickly!
But it doesn't exist, either!
What's there?
Then say it, you!
What's there?
"Gorilla", go!
"Raw gummy"...
"Gummy"!
"Raw gummy"!
Say it, quickly!
That guy!
Speaking of Hawaii, Kamehameha is a great king, but what exactly did he do as a great king?
By the way, do you know about Kamehameha being a great king?
Of course we know about it, even if you've never been there.
You don't look like you're receiving proper education.
But you're standing here.
It's a symbol of the original Kamehameha, isn't it?
Say it again! Say it one more time!
Kamehameha!
It's Kamehameha, isn't it?
Actually, it's called "Kamehameha".
It's been called "Kamehameha" for a long time.
Oh, is that so?
No, it's "Kamehameha".
Oh, I'm sorry.
It's a big eater champion, isn't it?
It's a big eater champion!
Is it from the past?
Yes, it's from the past.
It's a Kamehameha.
You just said it, didn't you?
Oh, well, I just said it.
It's a Kamehameha.
It's said that it ate about four kilograms of Kamehameha.
What?
Without water.
It's hard to eat four kilograms of Kamehameha without water!
I think it's amazing without water, but...
What is "Kamehameha"?
It's four kilograms of Kamehameha, isn't it?
You don't know that?
That's where you're coming from.
Oh, I'm sorry.
If you say "two kilograms of Kamehameha", I think it's four kilograms of Kamehameha.
Oh, I see.
It's a very hot food.
"Kamehameha" is famous for its coldness, isn't it?
When you say "Kamehameha", you immediately think of coldness, don't you?
But it's a very hot food.
It's said that it ate a lot of it without ketchup.
Don't you know it?
When you go to the dormitory, there is a very big parent and child Kamehameha.
You don't know that?
There is a very big parent and child Kamehameha.
They raise their children like this.
And fishermen catch them, right?
Do they catch them?
Yes, they do. Because they are "kamehamehas".
Do they hold them like this?
Yes, they do.
Are they children?
No, they are not like this.
They are "kamehamehas".
And they hold "komehamehas".
What?
What is "komehamehas"?
"Kamehamehas" was small.
No, it became big and finally "komehamehas" became "kamehamehas".
It became like "chusute kamehamehas".
Fish!
Woman...
No, fish!
Female "komehamehas".
But it became like "fish! fish!"
Your voice became like "fish" because you said "fish".
- What? - "Fish"?
"Fish"!
"Kamehameha"!
- That's a fish, isn't it? - What do you mean?
- You call that "fish" "kamehameha", don't you? - No, I don't!
That's why it's swimming, isn't it?
- It doesn't have a hand, does it? - It doesn't have a hand, but it has this kind of bag.
- You really don't know what "kamehameha" is, do you? - No, I don't know!
You put "kamehameha" in this bag.
- It's swimming like this... - If you don't put it in a bag, you can use both hands!
- Why do you do that? - Well, it's easy to understand.
It's swimming like this...
And when it's running like this...
It's a captain, right?
No, "fisherman" has nothing to do with it!
No, no! When it's in the sea, a fisherman catches it...
And when it's running on land, a hunter catches it.
So it's "kamehameha" for "fisherman".
- You don't eat it, do you? - No, I don't eat it.
Even the sky says it.
If you've never seen it, you can't help it.
- Well, it's delicious. - I don't know what you're talking about.
- It's delicious, but... - It's delicious?
- I like it, but... - What does "meat" taste like?
- Huh? - What does "meat" taste like?
- It's like fish. - It's difficult for me to explain "taste" with words...
But it's "kamehameha" taste, isn't it?
"Kamehameha" taste...
This time, you're going to say "pocky" again, aren't you?
Tell me about the first time you saw fire for the first time.
- Well... - Yes?
- I was really surprised. - Of course you were.
- It was my first time... - It was your first time, wasn't it?
- The fire just caught me. - Yes.
What did you think it was like?
- What kind of fire? - It was my first time seeing fire.
- Your first time? - Yes.
Daikon Yakushan.
Daikon Yakushan, before your debut.
- I haven't debuted yet? - You haven't debuted yet.
And...
- I saw it for the first time! - Yes, yes.
- I thought it was amazing! - Really?
I'm sorry, but...
- Are you serious? - I'm sorry, but...
- It really smells! - I'm sorry, but it's before my debut.
- It's really... - I'm sorry, but...
- It's your first time? - Yes, yes.
- What was it like? - I was doing this...
- You were doing that... - I was doing this...
Oh, so your son was doing something.
- Yes, yes. - Your son was doing it on his own.
- And when you came in... - What do you mean, "came in"?
I mean, you came in and...
I'm usually outside.
- You're a primitive man. - I'm a primitive man, but...
Well, well! I'm outside, but...
I'm like a patient.
- You came in anyway. - Yes, yes.
- To surprise you. - Yes, yes.
- There's a lot of smoke. - Hey, you there?
Is there a newspaper?
- Smoke? - Yes, you're smoking, right?
There's a lot of smoke!
It's smoking!
It's nothing!
It's not a big surprise!
To be honest...
I couldn't do it as well as I thought I could.
Because...
I got stuck here for a moment.
Why?!
I didn't mean to speak out so loudly.
I'm sorry.
But I thought I could do it a little more.
I thought I could do it a little more.
I'm sorry.
Anyway...
I'll say it for the first time...
For example...
Was it a ring or a spiral?
What?
You know...
When Sadako comes out of the TV...
Even when I see it, I can't accept it.
Why?
Because it should be even more surprising.
Something like that...
Coming out of the TV...
Even so...
Something like that...
It's not that big of a deal!
You can't speak out!
It's not that big of a deal!
It's too much of a deal!
You can't speak out like that!
Then how do you want me to say it?
Um...
However!
Someone has to do Sadako for me.
Um...
That's enough!
I'll do it!
She'll come out, right?
Yes.
What should I do?
Where does she come out of?
Well, under this wagon.
What?!
You can go in here, right?
Come here!
I'll...
I'll come back!
Gacha!
Here you go!
You're late!
You're really slow!
Then I can surprise you!
You're really complicated!
I want to do it, too!
You're faster than me!
Try it! Try it!
No, I'm really fast!
Are you ready?
Yes!
Never Laugh At A Hospital
"Never Laugh At A Hospital" was broadcasted on New Year's Day 2007!
Among many unreleased scenes that couldn't be broadcasted due to time constraints,
this one is particularly important!
Please watch this video!
0 o'clock in the morning.
0 o'clock in the middle of the night. What's going on?
A dramatic 0.5 degree rise!
Now, I'm going to choose one of you.
This person will put cellophane tape on his face and make it look funny.
And if this member can't make anyone laugh, it's a penalty game.
That's what it's about.
Okay, let's do it.
First up is...
Tanaka!
Yes!
You need at least 5 tapes.
Well, you only need 7.
Huh?
How many did you do?
Just one.
- Just one? - Yes.
- I didn't cut it. - Oh, just one.
- Just one. - Just one.
- Okay. - Are you ready?
- Yes. - You're ready, right?
Then, let's do it!
Cellophane tape on your face!
A-pe-pe...
Kyaaa!
You're funny!
I'm opening my eyes wide.
Your white eyes are quite funny.
Okay!
Next!
Matsumoto!
Oh, it's a condom!
- Huh? - It's a condom and an envelope!
That's how it is.
Isn't that tape?
What's that, Ezu-san? It's contact.
It's done.
Okay, let's do it!
Serohan, tape, Niramekko!
Up, up!
I did it!
Okay!
I did it!
Ouch!
So, Tanaka, was it fun?
It was fun.
Right?
Yes.
Matsumoto, how was it?
It was fun, but Yusha-senpai wasn't really...
I was having a lot of fun, but Yusha-senpai wasn't having fun.
I see.
Gep-Ng Coconidine!
Actually, Yoshida didn't vomit at all even though he drank carbonated water with Gep-NG Coconidine.
Okay!
Make!
Okay!
Huh? Why?
Did you drink it properly?
I drank it properly...
In the end, the game didn't work and Yoshida didn't vomit.
I drank it properly...
Then, you can use as many cellophane tapes as you like!
Unlimited?
Unlimited!
I see, I see.
I'm sorry for making you guys worry about me.
No, no.
I don't mind at all.
No, no.
I don't mind at all.
Yusha-nasu can do it.
Yusha-nasu!
If you put cellophane tape on top of cellophane tape, it makes no sense.
Okay!
Okay! Let's do it!
Okay!
Yoshida-nasu's cellophane tape little cat!
A-pu-pu!
Is cellophane tape that powdery?
POWDERY!
It's all powdery.
You're the one who's always in a hurry.
I don't know about that.
I don't know about that, either.
The next game is...
"Money Monopoly"!
Yeah!
Now, we'll have you compete one-on-one.
As usual, you won't interfere with each other's conversations.
The first round is...
"Endo Nurse vs Kosugi Nurse"!
Nice to meet you.
Nice to meet you, too.
Okay, now...
"Money Monopoly"!
The player is...
Beat Takeshi!
Dangan!
The Sports Grand Prix...
What are you staring at, you bastard?!
Go home!
The movie...
Are you gonna steal it or what?!
Hurry up and sleep!
Are you naked again?!
Hurry up and sleep!
You bastard!
"Kyosu"!
You bastard, you little bastard...
"Kyosu"!
You're not like him at all!
You're still like Atsumoto, Kanaka, and Atsuo!
You're not like them at all!
It doesn't look like you at all.
Now, this match...
How about it?!
Good match!
It didn't hurt this time.
Okay, then...
Second round...
Matsumoto vs Hana!
Yeah!
Awesome!
Next match is...
Matsumoto vs Hana!
Yeah!
Now, facing Odai is...
Kuwata Keisuke!
Kuwata Keisuke vs Morimondo, start!
Who is it?!
Matsumoto!
Odai!
Who is it?!
Odai Kuwata Keisuke!
It's Kuwata Keisuke, right?
It's Kuwata Keisuke.
Odai Kuwata Keisuke?
Even if you say it on earth, it's not Kuwata Keisuke!
Now, Kuwata Keisuke is...
Odai! You go first!
Start!
It's cold!
Odai Kuwata Keisuke.
Kuwata Keisuke.
Matsumoto!
Hana!
No, no, no...
Why... why...
It's cold.
No, no, no...
It's cold.
Ouch!
It's cold.
You shouldn't say that.
That's right! That's right!
It's cold.
That's right! That's right!
Now, starting with Matsumoto!
Matsumoto!
Kuwata Keisuke!
You're Kuwata Keisuke, aren't you?
Kuwata Keisuke!
You're Kuwata Keisuke, aren't you?
What are you doing?
I don't know what you're doing!
Now, Kuwata Keisuke and conversation!
Yes.
Now, let's go!
Start!
Take it!
Matsumoto, what are you doing?
You...
What are you saying?
Matsumoto, stop it!
Matsumoto, what are you doing?
This is too close!
Pass it to me from over there!
It's not over yet!
I have something for you in return!
Start!
I won't cut it!
It's over!