AISubs v3.5
I'm sorry, but I'm not going to do it.
(Applause)
Whatever you say...
(Applause)
I haven't said anything, but the audience is laughing.
(Applause)
Maybe it's because of that. I'm sorry to say this over and over again, but you've been hitting me over and over again.
Why?!
My back really hurts.
Maybe you've done something weird.
What do you mean?!
Are you trying to make up a story all of a sudden?!
I haven't done anything weird.
Maybe you've done something weird.
See, I knew you were trying to make up a story.
No, it's not like that! Maybe you've done something weird!
That's what it is!
See, I knew you were trying to make up a story.
Maybe you've done something weird in Thailand.
No, I haven't!
Sometimes it's really cloudy in Thailand.
My back doesn't hurt that much.
No, no, no.
My back doesn't hurt that much.
But it looks like it hurts.
I'm sorry, but this side of my back also hurts a little.
Oh, really?
Yeah, it's like a corridor.
You're still early.
I went on a trip with Yamanaki this time.
Oh, really?
We went to Okinawa.
He's so old now.
He was like a young boy in the past.
He was so cute when he slept.
He was like a baby.
He's so old now.
I'm hungry.
We were like, "Let's eat together."
Just the two of us.
It was a big room.
Let's eat together.
What will you do when you get home?
Nothing.
We'll just watch TV and drink.
Right?
We came back and turned on the TV.
He was like this on the bed.
He's fast!
What are you talking about?
Just the two of us.
He's really fast!
He's like this!
I want a camera.
It's hard to tell, but he's like this.
If you turn your head up like this, you'll scratch your nose.
It's that bad! I'm sorry, Tsutsuyama!
I'll let you do it like this! I've always let you do it like this!
- Your body shape hasn't changed! - My body shape hasn't changed!
Even so...
- You look like an earplug. - It doesn't suit me at all!
- I don't want to be an earplug. - It can't be helped.
It can't be helped, so... you know...
You're wearing an earplug, right? You're wearing an earplug, right?
And then... it's pretty quiet, but...
Huh? Has it stopped?
- In the end, you're desperately trying to ask! - It's that bad!
- "Has it stopped?" "No, it hasn't stopped, it hasn't stopped."
- "Let me go, let me go!" - No, it doesn't work!
- You're really being targeted, right? - What's with you?
- I'm really... um... I'm in trouble... - Can't you just wake me up once?
- I'm really in trouble, I'm sorry! - Just once, wake me up and say "I'm in trouble, I'm sorry!"
- "I'm in trouble, I'm sorry!" - "Hey, wait a minute!" - "You're scaring me!"
- "Hey, wait a minute!" - "No, it's not like that, it's not like that!"
- You're exaggerating! - No, I'm serious, I'm serious!
- It's bad!
- So, you know, this time I went to a place called Kohama Island. - Yes, Kohama Island.
- Kohama Island... There weren't many people there, right? About a hundred people? - Yes, yes, I don't know.
- So, you know... I rented a bike and ran around. - Yes, yes.
- So I went to a place like a village and an old woman came out. - Yes...
- She was a good old woman and... I'm sure she was an old woman, but she didn't know any courtesy! - No...
- So, we were drinking tea in front of a store and she said...
"What are you signing?!" And she came out and said...
This is from Yamazaki!
- What do you mean "this is"? - What does that mean?
- So I said... "Hey, what are you doing?!" and she said...
- You know, I have a really steady personality! - Oh, I see...
- When I'm signing and shaking hands... - Oh, I see...
- "Hey, don't you have to do it in Yamazaki?" and when I dared to shake her hand... - Oh, I see...
- "I don't need this!"
- Then Yamazaki said, "What the hell is wrong with you?!" - Yeah, yeah...
It's disgusting, you bastard!
It was a heated fighting competition!
- It was like that... - It was a little funny...
- It was funny, wasn't it? - I see...
- We played golf, didn't we? Golf... - Oh, nice!
- It's not something you can do if you're not used to it... - Why?
Yamazaki and the four of us, most of us had never done it before...
Yamazaki said, "You have to buy a lot of balls or you won't be able to do it."
And I said, "I don't think I need that many..."
I bought about 20 of them...
And they were gone in no time!
- They were gone in no time! - Yeah, they just went somewhere...
Yeah, they just went somewhere...
How many more do we have?!
We only have about two left!
- It didn't work out at all... - It didn't work out at all!
And then... It sounds like a lie, but...
Finally, we were all able to play golf!
And then we went home, and we finally got to where the flag was standing...
Green, right?
Green, green, I mean, we got there.
And we were like, "Come on, let's put it in!"
And we were like, "Huh?"
And in the end, it was the flag that was stuck on the ground.
Huh?
Like, there's no hole!
What's going on?
The four of us were aiming for a completely different place!
Excuse me, there's no hole!
No, no, it's more like...
Come on, let's put it in!
We can put this in!
There's no hole!
What are you doing?!
I don't know what you're doing, but it's the flag that's standing!
Ah, we've come this far...
Ah, I see! That's right!
"And then we were like, "Huh?""
There's no green either...
No, no, it's more like...
And then we were about to put it in...
But we couldn't pull out the flag...
We couldn't pull it out!
That's scary...
If someone you don't know turns around...
Did you turn around at the end?
With those twenty flags?
No, no, really, it was a shortcut, shortcut...
Ah, let me pass, let me pass!
Let me pass, let me pass...
In the end...
What?
About three holes?
About three or four holes?
We did it.
About that many, and we ran out of flags.
No, there's 18 holes in total.
That's right.
In the end, only about three holes.
And then, at the end, we ran out of flags.
Why, anyway?!
Stop it, you!
No, no, no!
If we do it, will we go somewhere?
No, you can't!
Don't do it!
We're not going anywhere!
Just a couple of holes is enough!
As for cows, I have a question for Mr. Matsumoto, who ranks in the Yonezawa cattle rank.
Oh, I can't go up a little more.
Oh, is that so?
Yes, it's hard for me to swing.
Oh, I see.
As for humans, how uncomfortable is it for cows to have rings on their noses?
Well, you know...
What's the use of asking that?
It's not like that!
Oh, you want to see if it's that uncomfortable, right?
Oh, yes... What do you mean?
Well, simply...
What do you mean "uncomfortable"?
Well, for cows...
To have rings on their noses...
To think it's uncomfortable...
Oh, I see!
Cows shouldn't be underestimated, right?
Oh, I see!
Cows shouldn't be underestimated, right?
But, no matter how you think about it, it's confusing!
It's not uncomfortable!
It's not like that!
It's not like that, right?
For them, that's just their status.
It's not like they're alone.
It's not like that!
You know, when you wake up in the middle of the night, you feel lonely, right?
Like...
Like you're living alone with a cold.
Oh, you might have lived alone!
Like you're living alone with a cold.
Sometimes you feel lonely, right?
But when you have this...
Don't you feel like you're not alone?
Like you're connected to something.
Like you're connected to your boss.
I'm not connected to my boss, but...
Like you're connected to something.
I'm not alone.
Don't you cry?
Oh, shut up! Wait a minute!
Don't you cry?
I was weak!
Don't you cry?
Oh, shut up!
What is this? It hurts!
What is this?!
I'm sorry.
It's not like that.
It's not like I made it up!
Oh, what do you mean?
It was made up!
Oh, I see.
Well, it's not like it was born.
That's right.
No matter what you do with it.
That's right.
Yes.
No, no, no!
I don't understand what you're saying.
No, I mean...
How strange is it?
How strange is it for humans?
Well...
There's a wheat tea pot, right?
Yes.
What's a wheat tea pot?
Something like this, right?
Oh, yes, yes!
Like a pitcher!
Yes.
Is it like you're holding two of those?
Well...
You can hold it with one hand.
Is it like that?
Hey, look at me!
What?
If you say it, you say it.
It's like this, right?
No, I don't understand!
I don't understand!
A pitcher is hard to understand!
In the end, it's hard to understand, you know?
That cow's nose ring, you know?
Yes.
It's impossible for humans to tell you, you know?
Oh, oh, oh!
You don't understand that?
I answered it properly.
Oh, Pinto Keihei, you know?
Like that, right?
Oh.
That's why I was a little scared.
Oh, I thought so, too.
So you know, right?
That...
That scared feeling of mine.
Yes, I understand.
I have a question for Matsumoto-san, who divides popularity among animals into six categories.
Yes, yes.
Please tell me what I should do to get rid of female dogs.
Well, first of all, I'll start with the answer.
Ah, good, good, good, good.
What should I do to get rid of female dogs?
Ah, in order to get rid of female dogs, you should go with the intention of pushing a cat, right?
Pushing a cat?
In order to get rid of female dogs, you should go with the intention of pushing a cat.
I see, yes, yes.
That means you won't be able to put strength in your shoulders.
Yes, I understand.
I understand.
For example, let's say you want to get rid of a Brazilian woman.
Yes, yes, yes.
You shouldn't go with the intention of being a Brazilian man.
I see.
Your partner will be wary of you, a Brazilian woman, if a Brazilian man comes.
She'll be wary of you.
Wow, it's a Brazilian man!
No, I don't care about that!
Just leave me alone!
When a completely different person comes, you can't hold anything against them.
What do you mean "what do you mean? I'm a dog."
What?
I'm... I'm a dog.
Oh, we're back to what we were talking about.
I'm a female dog. I'm drinking in this bar.
Well, it's fine. You're drinking in a bar.
I'm... I'm not just any female dog.
Yes, yes, we know that.
Right? I'm this... Roppongi's...
It doesn't matter where!
But... But what's wrong? What's wrong with the cat?
She's drinking in a bar.
She's drinking, she's drinking.
She's drinking scotch.
Well, it's fine. But even if the cat comes...
At that moment... At that moment...
I say "I'll interrupt you, nyaan."
Oh, she's here! She's here, nyaan!
It's hot today, nyaan!
I say...
That's right, nyaan.
I don't need it anymore! I'm sick of it!
I'll have some scotch, nyaan.
Well, we'll have it. Yes, we'll have it.
Well, if you're a female dog...
What's wrong with this male... male cat?
Well, I think so. I think so.
"Right?" "That's what I think."
Because, with a male cat like this...
There's no way I'd get killed, nyaan.
That's what I think. That's what I think.
I think this carelessness...
This carelessness is...
The best...
That, how do you say it...
The chance to enter the other person's heart.
Really?
Anyway, I'm...
I see.
Because you're a cat.
Because you're a cat!
Well...
Do it from the beginning.
Are you a cat?!
No, I raised it.
This is...
What are you doing?
What are you doing with that?
See?
With a cat's hand...
You don't feel anything!
I see.
While saying that...
What are you doing?
I see.
What are you doing?!
That's enough!
Ah, please tell me this.
What is it?
I often meet sad people.
Please tell me how to avoid sad people.
I see.
Do you know?
Have you ever been sad?
Yes, I have.
Ah, you say sad things quite easily.
Well, not recently.
It's only been a few times in the past.
Oh, my.
It's rare, isn't it?
That's right.
It used to be in the past, but not recently.
No, it's not.
What does that mean?
I don't know either.
Well, first of all, it's like an SMO.
No, by the way, have you ever been sad?
I haven't.
Ah, you haven't.
It's like an SMO, being sad.
Yes, yes.
In the end, it's about whether you're tied up or not.
I don't know whether you're tied up or not.
No, you're not tied up!
In the end, it's like an SMO.
It's about whether you're tied up or not.
In the end, it's about whether you're tied up or not.
Ah, you're doing it.
You're doing it.
In the end, it's about whether you're controlling it or not.
It's complicated, isn't it?
I see.
That's right.
I see.
But in essence, you're doing it.
You think you're doing it, don't you?
But you're doing it.
You think you're doing it.
This guy is stupid. He's tying me up.
Why is he getting so excited?
It's one and the same.
I see.
Right?
It's either you're tied up or you're doing it.
I see.
That's how you think about it.
So you're sleeping and you're about to tie your nose up and you think you're doing it.
I can't walk! I can't move!
What are you doing?! I can't move!
That's how it is. It's your feelings. You can't lose with your feelings.
I know that! I know that!
But you can't do it if you think you're doing it.
If you think you're doing it, you can't do it.
I think I'm doing it, so I can't move like this.
That's how it is.
I think you're saying something really good.
Can you solve it like that? Can you avoid it?
I can't.
I can't move!
That's tough.
But you can do it like that, right?
Why are you...
No, no. You can go tell her like that, right?
Excuse me...
Can you show me your membership card?
Don't do it!
Even if you do it, it's painful!
Where's the action? Action!
Where's the action?
Where's the action corner?
Do it yourself!
That's right.
That's how I feel!
I understand what you're saying.
What do you mean?
I know you've been doing it for a while.
But I want to solve it with you.
It's one example, but it's a solution.
That's right.
It's a special method.
First of all, it's decided in the afternoon that you'll be tied up.
Why is that?
Why is it decided? Is it because you did something?
That's right.
Sadness.
This is stupid. Remember it tonight.
I'm saying things like that.
Really?
I'm saying things like that.
You don't say things you don't know.
I don't say things like that.
If you don't say it like that, she won't get angry.
She's always asking me, "What do you think of me?"
At that time, in the afternoon, I said, "Sadness? I've never thought of it like that."
I see.
So in the afternoon, it's all decided.
I don't think it's decided.
I don't think it's decided, but I'm sure she won't be sad if I make fun of her like that.
She'll tie me up with a thick rope.
She'll tie me up with a rope that doesn't show much.
It's over.
Um... don't make fun of Rei.
Tell her to pay properly.
- Should I tell her to pay? - Yes, you should.
- I don't want to. - Bring me a chisel.
- A chisel? - A chisel.
- You're making fun of me for asking for a chisel. - No, no!
- I'm asking for a chisel for a payment! - You're asking for a chisel!
- What do you think of Rei? - What do you mean?
- You're making fun of me for asking for a chisel. - No, I'm not!
- You're making fun of Rei for asking for a chisel. - No, I'm not!
- I don't feel that way. - I don't either!
- But it's true. It depends on how you feel. - Oh, really?
Even if you get attacked by a bear in the woods, you still think you've been attacked, right?
- Yeah, you can feel that way. - But you still get attacked!
- You're right! - But you still think you've been attacked!
- You're right! - No, you're wrong!
- You have to deal with it! - How can you escape it?
- You can say, "Wow, I've been attacked!" - But it doesn't help you if a bear comes out.
- No, it doesn't help you. - Even if you're riding a horse and say, "Wow, I've been attacked! Come, come, come!"
If you have that feeling, you won't be afraid of anything.
- Even if you get hit hard! - No, I won't get hit hard!
- It's already over! - It's not over.
- Don't feel like that! You're already dead! - It's not over for me. It's not over for me.
If, in the middle of a talk, a man with a chisel suddenly enters the stage and attacks you, what would you do?
Well, well, well, this kind of thing is not for me to be asked now.
I see.
I always think like that.
Yes, yes.
Yes.
What?
I always assume that such a thing might happen.
Oh, really?
So, when it happens, I always look like this.
Don't look like that!
I do look like that.
Oh, I see.
So you don't look suspicious.
That's right.
So, what would you do if you were attacked?
First of all, I'd ask you "why?"
Why?
No, no.
You already have a chisel.
I'd ask you "why did you think of doing that?"
No, no.
Before that, if you say something like that, you'd be stabbed.
No, but, first of all, what comes to mind is "why?"
Why?!
No, no.
No, it's not like that.
Then, first of all, wouldn't you come over here?
Where?
You'd come and say "why?"
No, I'd come!
Oh, I see.
I'd come and say "why?"
Do you have a chisel?
Yes, I do.
Why?!
You'd say, right?
Well, I guess you could say it.
You'd say it, right?
Shut up!
You'd say it, right?
I'd say it, right?
Why?!
No, no, no.
"Why?!" You're just going to leave like that, aren't you?!
I'm so angry!
Why?!
Why did you think of doing that?!
Hey! Why?!
Hey, you're noisy.
What do you mean, 'why?'
Why did you think of doing that?!
What's with you?
And then you go around him.
Why?!
You're noisy!
Why did you think of doing that?!
I get it now. Then help me out.
Why, why?
Then just say it.
What do you mean?
No, I didn't say anything.
What do you mean, 'help me out'?
First of all, you have to ask me why I thought of doing that.
Otherwise you can't be saved.
No, that's why I said it.
Then stop me once and make a face like this.
Then I'll say 'why?'
Even if you do that, it won't be resolved.
Huh?!
First of all, you have to ask me why I thought of doing that.
No, no, you can't say it while you're drunk.
If you say it while you're drunk, you'll get caught.
No, I don't care if I get caught in this situation.
But you have to say 'why?'
No, I don't care if you say 'why?' slowly after that.
Why are you saying 'why' now?!
No, no, I want to solve the problem right now.
Because I'm curious.
I want to solve the problem right now.
Then you'll start bleeding.
But I'll go to the hospital.
We'll get in the ambulance together.
Then you'll start bleeding.
But you'll say 'why?'
Why are you saying 'why'?!
You're stupid, aren't you?!
Then you'll go to the hospital.
That's...
That's why I'm telling you to do something before you get stabbed.
It doesn't matter if you say 'why?'
And...
Why don't you know?!
Does anyone know?!
But I may not want to say this,
but you may die.
No, I don't know.
But I saw your big picture...
Why are you saying 'why'?!
Because you'll save me!
Because you'll save me, I won't die!
Why are you saying 'why'?!
What's wrong with you, Joe?
Stop it, why are you saying 'why'?
Why did you do it?
He's stupid.
It's a wide show.
It's a lot of people.
I see.
Shimei Yagami.
Yeah.
Hamada Masato.
Yeah, yeah.
He's dirty.
Well, well, first of all...
Hamada!
Yeah, yeah.
Hamada!
Huh?
Why?!
Because you'll save me!
What's wrong with you?!
Why are you saying 'why'?!
Because you'll save me, I won't die!
He's stupid.
When I opened the coffin,
you put cotton in it and said 'why'.
What's wrong with you?
Why?!
Why did you put cotton in my nose?!
Why?!