AISubs v3.5
(Applause)
Good evening!
(Applause)
Well, well, well...
After all these years, it's only natural for us to clap and be happy.
It's just like that.
(Laughter)
Well, thank you very much.
(Laughter)
Wha-what's with you?
(Laughter)
You know, you're always like "Eh?"
(Laughter)
What is it?
We've done it before.
Oh, yes we have!
I wonder what a public program is like.
I'm sure you've done it before.
We have.
But you're out of it today.
(Laughter)
No, you're out of it!
You're in the wrong place!
(Laughter)
You didn't say anything!
(Laughter)
This program was sponsored by these sponsors.
It's my first apology, so it can't be helped.
Were you going somewhere?
Yes!
To this late hour...
To Hawaii...
No, it's my first time in four years in Hawaii.
Oh, really? I went to Guam.
I told you!
No, it's not like that. I couldn't go to Hawaii.
Huh? What do you mean?
I had to get a reservation.
Don't mess with me!
So, the way it's cooked, the luxury...
It's an elegant way of cooking.
It's like that.
It's like a balcony and a carribean.
What are you talking about? The gum is hot.
The gum is burnt.
What?
It's cold in Hawaii.
It's warm in the daytime, but when it gets a little hot...
I'd like to be able to say something like that.
You should say it!
The flight time in Guam is the limit.
Oh, really?
If it's any longer than that, I'd be like...
Like a little crab would come out of my mouth.
Like a little crab with miso soup.
I'd like to see it, so let's go together.
But it's different from that.
And you don't like having a reporter with you.
Like you, you want to sell your "at home" feeling.
It's like you're waiting for a life insurance commercial.
It's only once a year!
To go out there.
It's like that.
Hawaii...
Oh, Guam.
It was hit by a typhoon and broke a little.
That's right.
There were a lot of cancels, right?
That's right.
How about people?
There aren't many people anymore.
It's empty.
That's why I didn't have much stress this year.
As usual, signing, shaking hands...
But if there aren't many people, you can't show your face, and you must be lonely at night.
It's lonely at night.
Not only lonely at night, but lonely at night means you have no thoughts of Tokyo.
As soon as I go there, I know that there aren't many people there every year.
Of course there are.
There are people who make you angry and make you cry.
Of course.
But...
I said "excuse me", and the children ask for my signature...
Those people choose to listen to everything that children say.
I'm sorry!
What?!
Is that possible?!
Even though a child is saying that?!
One day, I was sick of it.
No, no, no... The probability is quite high, isn't it?!
And at the airport, at his airport, he came back and said, "It's your child's birthday, isn't it?"
What does it have to do with it?
What does it have to do with it?!
It's his child's birthday and he said, "Can I have a picture with you?"
"No, it's my birthday too, so I'm sorry!" That's what he said.
Even though it was September.
He got on the plane and said, "Can I have a picture with you?"
And it ended there.
When he got on the plane.
The plane was pretty empty.
It was kind of laid back.
Oh, this is good.
And he was singing and singing and singing.
With headphones like this.
Singing and singing.
And his headphones were cut out.
And you think, "Did something happen?"
And he was singing and singing and singing.
But today, on board...
There are birthday guests!
No way!
Why?!
Why on someone else's birthday?!
I don't know why I have to be woken up.
I don't even know why the song is stopped!
Look at the screen in front of you!
Happy birthday!
Really?!
I'll give you this coffee cup!
And the coffee cup went up!
I don't want it!
And the coffee cup went up!
Why me?!
Don't I say?!
Well, everyone around you is like that.
What about everyone around you?!
But everyone around you must be cold.
That service must be wrong!
Really?
I don't know about that.
And when you think about it...
Birthday...
It's him!
So think about it like this...
On your birthday...
Right?
If you get on an airplane...
You'll be killed!
But you can't release this story, can you?
I can't release this story, but...
But it's embarrassing!
There was a birthday boy on this plane when it was crowded.
His face was red.
I thought I wouldn't be found out.
But he came and gave me a coffee cup.
That's the news of your fans, isn't it?
Well, well, well...
It's good, isn't it?
It's good in Hawaii.
You don't have to say it.
I want to go to Hawaii, too.
You don't have to say it.
I don't know where he went.
Did you hear?
Heihei and Shimizu came one day late.
They said they'd have lunch and go golfing the next day.
When I asked them if it was morning, they said it wasn't.
That night, they came back only for lunch.
They came back only for lunch.
I asked them why they didn't go.
They said they got hit by a black man.
They didn't get hit by a black man.
But they got hit by a black man.
A black man...
They came back.
I've been sick for a while now.
I came back and went to the doctor.
It's broken
"What's wrong?" "A black man pulled my leg"
Don't say like "a black man pulled your leg"
A black man...
A black man pulled your leg and you ran away
A black man's bike and car...
I don't like that
Do you know, Kim?
He's always like that before and during the trip
This year and tomorrow, when I'm doing Guam...
You're sweating, aren't you?
I'm sweating, aren't I?
"My hands are numb" "Your hands are numb, aren't they?"
He's always like that on the trip
I'm going to Okinawa tomorrow
But my family is taking care of me
But in the end, it's okay
So I said, I'm going to Guam, so I can't go to Okinawa
And I said, I'll send you to the airport
And while I was driving to the airport, he was crying
It's frustrating
You don't know!
Because you're not going
"Because you're not going" "Because you're not going, it's frustrating"
Because you're not going, it's frustrating
You're crying
It's annoying
Are you serious?
Ask him himself!
- Are you going to cry? - I'm going to cry!
I'm going to be a wiper!
Are you trying to make me laugh?
No, it's him!
No, it's really him.
My nerves came out of my neck.
There were four of us.
The three of us didn't make a lot of noise,
but basically we were there all the time.
That's funny.
We were like, "Whoa!"
But when we got caught...
We were in a shop with a fire umbrella.
Didn't you have a big burn before?
What was it?
Two days before we said we were going to Okinawa,
we failed three times.
Because we failed three times,
we were all like, "That's weird!"
At the time, we were going to a hot spring.
The day after, we were in Okinawa,
and we were wondering if we could go to a hot spring like this.
And we failed three times.
We were like, "This is weird!"
There were three of us, juniors, and we were all drooling.
"This is weird," we said.
"Let's do skinheads," we said.
But you didn't like it either.
"Really?" you said.
We went to a hot spring,
and we went up about 30 safety camisoles,
and we did skinheads.
"Cool," you said.
It was midsummer.
And the next day, we went to Oiso Long Beach.
We were so excited.
Let's go to Oiso Long Beach.
Oh, he signed up.
Gah!
C-accent.
"It's skinheads," you said.
I'm used to skinheads.
But you didn't like it at first,
and you suddenly did skinheads,
and it was midsummer,
and you were excited,
and there was this cute girl,
and she was cute,
and she looked at me and laughed.
And you were excited,
and you took off your goggles like this,
and you couldn't go in.
You slipped and couldn't go in.
And you did it like this,
and it ended over there.
And you kept doing it like this,
and when you got home,
your head was all swollen up.
Don't make fun of me.
It looked like lychee.
Your head was a little translucent.
Don't make fun of me.
Are you stupid?
You got home from Oiso Long Beach,
and you left your junior behind.
I'll drive.
But my head is hot.
So I sometimes flip over towels.
From behind?
Wet towels.
How many times do you have to flip them over?
Your junior said.
Well, about three signals.
And then you got caught in a traffic jam.
It doesn't flip over at all.
If you think it's lychee water, you're wrong.
I'll say that.
I'll say that in particular.
Think about the situation.
Well, it's okay.
"Let me do it." "Yes."
Matsumoto-san, you have a point card for all the electric shops in Akihabara.
Yes, I do.
They say that if you go to a place where there is a river navigation system, you will go crazy.
Where is it?
I've never heard of it.
Well, I guess it's there.
No, it's not "I guess it's there."
You told me whether you've experienced it or not.
No, I've experienced it.
Oh, really?
Yes.
Then where is it? Where do you want to go?
There are a lot of places like that.
Oh, there are a lot of places like that?
Yes.
Where?
Think of yourself as a river navigator.
Yes, yes, yes.
Right? There are a lot of things that can happen, right?
What do you mean?
For example...
Youth
I'd be in trouble if you said that.
If you're told to go to a certain place...
You know...
What?
River navigation...
Oh, but this is serious.
Can I say something serious?
Yes.
Do this, too.
Well, well, well. I'll do it.
This is also serious, but...
Where do you use your river navigation?
What?
Where do you use your river navigation?
Panasonic.
See?
If you use Panasonic's rival company as your river navigation, it won't come up.
Rival company?
Other than river navigation...
Pioneer.
Yes!
Try Pioneer!
What do you mean "try"?
Try Pioneer!
Oh, oh.
If you say you want to go all the way to Pioneer...
You know...
It's a lie that it won't come up...
What's with you?
It's not like it won't come up...
It won't!
It won't, but it's like "hmm"...
I don't know!
I don't know you're sulking!
No, no, no!
I'm not sulking!
It's an opportunity!
You're not saying "hmm"?
It's an opportunity!
No, I'm not saying "hmm"!
I'm not saying it, but...
Ah...
Ah, yes, yes...
But I don't know that nuance!
I don't know that nuance!
That opportunity, that...
No, no, no!
That...
What type are you?
Ah, like an oyster coming out and like...
Becoming...
Ah, like it becoming extinct and becoming extinct...
But you're a cansonic, right?
Yes.
If you do Pioneer...
Like...
A little...
Hmm...
Ah, you're lying, you're lying...
A little, a little...
Just a little!
No, but you should have said it!
No, well...
Going there is...
A little...
Um...
It's like...
Going towards a traffic jam...
Towards a traffic jam...
Like trying to go there or not...
Why do you say "a little", you!
It's a shame!
It's really a shame!
Fireworks are said to go off when they are supported by a certain place.
Where is that?
That's right.
That's why it's like that, isn't it?
Yes.
There are many like that.
Then tell me about it.
Eh?!
If you say it now, it doesn't mean I'm angry.
I am angry with you about it.
And... and did you change your mind about it?
Did you change it or did you escape from it?
Did you escape from it?
No, no. It exists, the part where you do it.
No, but tell me about it. I want to hear about it.
You're getting mad at me more and more.
- Ah, at the firework. - The firework.
Yes, yes, yes.
Where is it? Where is it?
- You know... - It's not good to ask about such things.
Your firework... fireworks are generally for girls, right?
Yes, yes, yes. At first, you see a woman standing there.
Yes, she's standing there.
She's an old woman.
Hey!
No, it's not like that!
Hey!
When you see an old woman in a movie...
Yes?
At first, you see an old woman standing there.
Yes, yes, yes. That's long. That's annoying.
She's standing there.
Yes, she's standing there.
And then?
Then she becomes an old woman.
No, I mean, you say "dong!" to that woman and she says "hey, hey!"
You say it when you do it.
But you say it first, right?
Yes, yes, yes.
You input it first and then you say "dong!"
You say it when you do it.
So where is it? Tell me the place!
I want to try it too.
So you put it in and you say "dong!" and you say it?
Yes.
Like "my dream" or something like that.
You fool.
It's okay. Do you want me to tell you where it is?
Yes, please.
If you do this...
...the whole of Japan will panic, you know?
Who are you?
Is it okay for you?
What is that?
Is it okay for you?
It's not like that!
Is it okay for me to put it in and you say "dong!" and you say it?
You put it in and you say anything.
It's okay for you to put it in and you say "dong!" and you say it?
Is it okay for me to put it in and you say "dong!" and you say it?
It's not like that. Please tell me where it is.
If you do all of that...
...you will panic, you know?
As long as everyone is driving, it's fine.
This is discrimination.
You're only allowed to ride buses!
If you say that, you'll panic.
It's okay.
This is a question for Mr. Mazumosu, who knows more about baseball than Americans.
Yes, I know a lot about baseball.
Next season, Matsui will be active in the Major League.
Please tell me what you need for that.
It's okay.
Seriously.
Tell me.
What is it?
Please tell me what you need for that.
Is this really Matsui?
Hey, are you watching Matsui?!
I don't know if you're watching or not, but I don't know if you're telling me what you need for that.
Matsui!
Tell me what you need.
Go back, Matsui!
I can't go back.
Tell me what you need for that.
What are you doing?
Tell me what you need for that.
Matsui is under a lot of pressure.
Of course.
He's being told so many things.
Of course.
The Japanese people are expecting a lot from him.
Of course.
This is a lot of pressure.
That's right.
So...
Do your best!
Matsui, listen to me.
Stand up.
I'll give Matsui an ale.
It's "kaki kukego".
Five of them.
Five of them?
It's okay if you have five of them.
Right?
You can do it.
You really want me to deliver this to Matsui, right?
Well, if you're not watching, then...
Which one? Will you deliver it or not?
If you won't deliver it, I won't do it.
I'll deliver it.
Really?
An ale, right? I'll deliver it.
Really? An ale, I'll deliver it.
Matsue...
Hang in there, Agame!
You're so low!
I'm listening, Matsue.
I'm listening.
You...
Can't be helped.
What are you doing?
First of all...
You drop it once...
And then you give it up.
That's right.
Listen, Matsue!
How long are you going to stay in that dirty room?!
You...
Your belt...
It's here, isn't it?!
That's weird!
Listen, Matsue!
There's a hole in the center!
Listen, Matsue!
From now on, Matsue!
Matsue!
You shouldn't say "matsue" like that!
You shouldn't say that, matchstick!
From now on...
Tell me...
I'm going to use...
...the matchstick...
...to tell you how hard I work in this giant room!
Matsue, listen!
I'm going to...
....die!
Matsue...
[Laughter and applause]
It's already getting dark!
[Laughter]
If you can't protect this, I'll tell you to die!
You're speechless!
I'm speechless!
I have that clumsy side, Matsui!
[Laughter and applause]
I'm sorry!
Matsui, I'm sorry!
Be careful!
Yeah!
Let's go!
Matsui!
[Laughter and applause]
Hey, you're Matsui, aren't you?
[Laughter and applause]
It's true, I've been saying it all along, but Matsui, Matsui...
Matsui!
Yes?
Let's go!
Yeah!
Matsui!
Yes?
Matsui, listen to me!
Matsui, look at me!
Matsui!
[Laughter and applause]
Are you... crying?
[Laughter and applause]
I'm Matsui, and I've been cheating with Hamada- san's wife for five years now.
[Laughter and applause]
Recently, I went on a gum trip with Hamada-san's wife.
I'd like you to tell me about that trip.
Well...
I was wondering when that gum trip would come.
[Laughter and applause]
Well, I'm a weekly woman, and...
[Laughter and applause]
I'm an Asahi comedian, and...
[Laughter and applause]
I was wondering when I'd be scooped.
Were you nervous?
I was nervous, and...
Oh, my...
We kept in touch in secret.
[Laughter and applause]
What are you doing? Be quiet!
It's alright, right? It's alright, right?!
[Laughter and applause]
So, in the end, it's alright, right?!
[Laughter and applause]
You were doing it with your wife!
No, no, no, no...
It's not like that.
That happened.
Ah, I see.
But, well...
It's not like it matters.
[Laughter and applause]
I know that.
[Laughter and applause]
Well, it's...
In the end, it's alright, right?!
Yeah.
To be honest, even when we were filming the opening scene of "Gag," we had a phone call.
Ah, I see.
And we were worried about you, and we were like, "Whoa, it's my husband's wife!"
[Laughter and applause]
Are you alright?!
[Laughter and applause]
We were doing it.
Ah, I see.
Did you go to "gag"?
Um...
Well...
Ah...
From the second day...
Yeah.
I went five or three times.
[Laughter and applause]
I pretended like I was going to Hawaii.
Ah, I see.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's like it came like "sasasa."
I see.
Yeah, it was amazing.
Yeah, yeah.
It's like, in bad stories like this, like this kind of dangerous love or dangerous love makes people go crazy.
Ah, I see.
That's why I said "hug me" so much!
[Laughter and applause]
I said "hug me" so much!
[Laughter and applause]
Shut up, you two!
[Laughter and applause]
What do you think you're doing?!