AISubs v3.5
My life has changed a lot since I became a police officer.
But I have recently obtained tremendous information.
There was a man who was more stingy than me.
His name is...
Masumoto Hitoshi!
Why you bastard!
I, Masumoto Hitoshi, hereby request for a retrial of the Stingy Stingy trial!
Wait a minute!
I'm not stingy!
Is Masumoto really stingy?
Tonight, the truth will be revealed!
This program is brought to you by the following sponsors.
We will now begin the Stingy Stingy trial of Masumoto Hitoshi.
Prosecutors and plaintiffs, please enter your cases.
The next defendant, Hitoshi Matsumoto, please enter the court.
Defendant, please take a seat over there.
Now, please read from the statement to the court.
Yes.
Hitoshi Matsumoto, as a comedy entertainer with numerous regular programs,
and a super popular talent who is ranked in the top of the top entertainer bands every year,
but behind all of that, we have discovered that he is such a short-tempered man that even an all-male director can get bored of him.
His bowl is as small as a chocolate bar.
I don't know what "chocolate bar" means, even if you tell me about it.
No, no, the bowl is about this big.
Ah, ah, ah.
We have discovered that he is causing a lot of trouble for the people around him.
Therefore, we hereby request for a retrial of Matsumoto Ochoco Sekoseko trial.
Understood.
From now on, Matsumoto Ochoco Sekoseko trial will be retried.
Prosecutor Hamada, please submit your evidence.
Yes, we have received numerous retrials of Sekoseko from various aspects.
First of all, please watch this video.
Sekoseko Trial
It was when Matsumoto, Yamasaki and his friends went on a trial trip.
The incident happened on the last day of the trip.
Matsumoto-san, we have three hours until our flight back. What should we do?
Well, what should we do?
Oh, that's right! There is a very luxurious pool in a hotel nearby. Do you want to swim there?
Oh, that's good! Let's do it!
Alright! I'm going to swim!
As soon as the three of them moved to a hotel nearby, they went straight to the pool and...
No! No! No! Stop, guys!
W-what?
The hotel's security guards called for the three of them.
In fact, you have to pay $20 for admission to this pool, except for those who are staying in it, in order to swim in it.
Yamasaki found out about it and...
Of course! Well, at least $20 is fine!
However, Matsumoto...
I can't pay you for that.
Huh?! $20 is fine, right?! You can't swim in a pool if you pay for it!
Oh, come on! Who's going to pay for it?!
Besides, we swam a lot yesterday, so we don't need water!
As soon as Matsumoto found out about paying $20 for admission, his attitude changed and he became furious.
However, the hotel's security guards, seeing this, said...
If you promise me not to go into water, you can stay by the pool side.
Oh, come on! If you're stupid, let's go back!
Yamasaki tries to go back because there's no point in not going into the pool.
However, as soon as Matsumoto found out about it...
All right!
He started to swim in the pool.
Ah, it feels so good.
In the end, Yamasaki also spent 3 hours in the pool with Matsumoto.
Who are you?!
Let's go in.
Yes.
This is for the witness.
Yes.
Witness, please come to the witness stand.
Yes, please.
Please.
You just appeared in the video.
Yes.
Is that exactly like in the video?
Yes, it is.
It's been a while since you traveled, hasn't it?
That's right!
Yes.
And in the end, you have to pay for the pool.
Yes, yes.
And you go in. You think you can just go in.
What?!
You just go in.
Yes, yes.
You think you can just go in.
And you go in.
Yes, yes.
And the witness...
Don't let me catch you!
Witness!
Yes, witness!
Yes, yes.
The witness's job is over there!
Yes, yes.
If you complain over there, you'll ruin my character!
Yes, that's right.
I know that very well!
You just go in!
What?!
Okay, okay.
You just go in.
Yes, yes.
And then, the waiter said...
Yes, yes.
As you just saw.
So what I want to ask you is...
Yes?
You have to pay 20 dollars.
Yes.
It's expensive, but it's about 2,000 yen.
That's right!
And you, the junior, asked if 2,000 yen wasn't too much...
I asked you if it wasn't too much...
It's three hours away!
That's right!
If you can go in, let's go in for 2,000 yen!
You said it, but...
Yes?
He must be richer than you...
Why?!
You have to pay for it!
That's right!
It's here!
Now, defendant.
Well, I want to say this clearly.
I'm going to go back to what happened the day before.
I see.
And he, um, likes Bakuji very much.
Yes.
Hama, um, Yamazaki-kun.
Who?
Yamazaki-kun.
Yes.
What's up with you?!
Hama Yamazaki-kun?
He hasn't been beaten up at all.
Beaten up?!
Yamazaki-kun...
He was beaten up!
He was barely beaten up.
He was completely defeated.
You know...
Yes.
Well, you like Bakuji, don't you?
I like Bakuji!
The day before that, this idiot...
Yes.
This idiot has been doing Bakuji.
Yes, yes.
And this time, I'm not talking about that.
Yes, yes.
We came here with the theme of "Directly smiling and having fun".
I see.
And this idiot has been doing Bakuji and Bakuji for a long time.
In the end, he lost 400,000 yen.
No, it's 800,000 yen.
It's 800,000 yen!
That's where he lost 800,000 yen.
Yes, yes, yes.
Think about it here.
As a senior, I can't spend any more money on Yamazaki!
If that's the case...
Yes.
Why don't you just pay him?
Yes.
About 20 dollars.
That's a separate payment.
It's not a separate payment.
That's...
No, no.
If you think it's a pity to spend more money on Yamazaki, then fine.
If you three just say "yes, yes", it won't be a problem, right?
You know...
Then...
What should we do?
You know...
Why don't you pay him?
That's weird!
If a man who spent that much said "if it's 20 dollars, I'll pay you", then it's fine, right?
No, I just wanted to say it in front of the hotel.
Who do you think you are?
You caught Yamazaki, who lost 800,000 yen, and you think you can say "20 dollars" on top of that?
But...
Let me drink your heart's water!
You idiot!
Well, he lost 800,000 yen, so 20 dollars is nothing.
No, it's nothing.
That's how it is now.
That's what I wanted to enjoy for three hours!
Is that so?
Yes!
Well, I'll let you say it, but...
I don't know what it is.
Huh?
What?
What's wrong with it?
Oh, you mean that you couldn't buy it?
No, I couldn't buy it for 20 dollars, so what's wrong with it?
What's wrong with it?
Really?
It's only 6,000 yen!
Shut up, you idiot!
No, no, no, don't do it.
I'll say it again.
Don't say it like that, you idiot!
What do you know about 6,000 yen?
Why are you doing this?
Really?
If you hadn't done it, I wouldn't have said it was funny.
You!
Die! Die! Die!
You die!
Die! Die, you bastard!
It was fun to do it with you, you bastard!
It's not fun!
Sit down!
It's not fun!
There's a lot of fun in it!
Die! You're wandering around without realizing you're dead!
You're wandering around!
Sit down!
You should be the captain!
Captain?
You should be the captain for the weekend!
I can't make it for the weekend.
You can't, you can't. It's okay.
It's been a few years now...
...since Miyasako was invited to Matsumoto's house for the first time.
Come in.
Excuse me!
Wow! There's a billiard table in the room!
That's Matsumoto for you!
All right, let's go!
Having fun playing billiards...
...and forgetting that it's past time...
...they go out and play.
After a while, Matsumoto says...
I'm hungry. Let's eat some screws.
Oh, sounds good!
That's Matsumoto-san's style.
I'm sure he'll treat me to a fancy meal.
However...
Miyasako, can you go to the convenience store for a bit?
Go and buy whatever you like.
Oh, and don't forget the donbe.
I love that stuff!
Miyasako's expectations were violently crushed...
...and in the end, they went to the convenience store.
And when they came back from shopping...
Sorry for keeping you waiting!
Oh, no problem.
Here's a thousand yen.
No, um...
Seeing Miyasako's shopping bag in his hands...
...it's obvious that a thousand yen isn't enough.
However...
Matsumoto didn't say that he didn't have enough money...
...and Miyasako paid for the rest of it.
And Matsumoto of the party said...
Oh, donbe is the best! It's the best in the world!
Saying that, he kept praising donbe.
Now, let's get down to business.
Yes, sir!
Hey...
Are you okay?
Hang in there!
Well...
To be honest with you...
I hope you won't say what you're thinking.
I hope you won't hurt yourself.
To be honest with you...
I came into this world with a dream.
I thought if I worked hard in this world...
I could become rich...
I could eat a lot of delicious food...
But...
I don't know why...
I became rich...
and he made Donbei famous all over the world.
I couldn't understand it.
To be honest with you...
I didn't have money at all at that time...
Well, I was married...
But...
My wife is also poor.
Hang in there!
What? What? What?
The problem here is...
Are you okay with me, defendant?
You didn't take orders...
or go out to eat...
You didn't do it.
I think it's okay.
It's okay if you do it sometimes.
Right?
You're blaming it, aren't you?
When you saw the luggage of Donbei...
who bought a lot of people...
You thought it wouldn't be enough for 1,000 yen.
Didn't you think about it at first?
Well...
First of all...
What I want to say is...
Donbei is amazing.
Don't think too much about it.
I don't want to show...
the talent of comedians.
I see.
That's why I...
I want to approach it at the general level.
I don't want to make a difference.
Do you know what I mean?
I know what you mean.
I don't want to make a difference.
That's why I didn't take orders...
and went to a convenience store.
I know what you mean.
Right.
But...
I know you bought a lot of people.
Right.
I didn't ask you for money.
Right.
I asked you to go.
Right.
When you bought people...
you had a lot of luggage.
No matter how you think about it...
1,000 yen isn't enough.
Didn't you know that?
Well...
To put it simply...
I knew it.
I see.
But when you think about it...
you said 2,000 or 3,000 yen.
Right.
It cost me 2,000 or 3,000 yen!
I see. I see. And what about the money you gave me?
The money I gave you was about 1,000 yen.
1,000 yen.
Oh, you gave me 2,000 yen.
What will you do about it?
Here's the thing...
During that time I had various sessions with Miyasako and talked with him.
I intended to give him tens of millions of yen that he couldn't see.
Because I'm supposed to be stealing various things from him.
But in this moment I'm like this. And in this moment like this.
I'm supposed to be stealing something that he finds funny or something that makes him laugh.
But when you think about it...
1,000 yen is not that expensive!
Hey, Tsukushi...
Excuse me...
Excuse me, but...
Please select some words.
I'm sorry...
To be honest...
It's been some time since I've said this, but...
Please return it.
- Why is that? - I want you to eat something delicious while you're drunk.
- Um... I might be a little off. - Yes, yes, that's fine.
Can't your partner talk?
- By the way, Mr. Shimizu, defendant... - Yes.
- Oh, not defendant, witness. - Yes.
- Was he there at the scene? - He was there, too.
- Did you see him? - No, I didn't.
- No, I didn't see him. - No, you didn't see him.
- He was there, too. - He was there, too!
- They were all there. - I was there, too. - I don't know. - You don't know?
- Wasn't there such a fact? - No, there wasn't.
- Is it a fact that he wrote the 1800s? - It is a fact.
- But you say it is business tax. - Yes. - What about this?
- I haven't taught this person anything yet. - I see.
- This person has taken a lot of things from me. - I see.
- But I haven't done anything to him. - I see. - No way!
- By the way, when we eat together, I don't usually pay for food.
- But when we go to the convenience store, you don't pay for food.
- That's another story. - What? - We met for the first time at that time. - I see.
- I didn't pay you for anything. I paid you first.
- From now on, my memories of you will be erased.
- This is the first time.
- From now on, no matter how much you pay me... - I know you pay me. - I know you pay me.
- I know you pay me, but you didn't pay me at that time. - I see.
- It's hard for you to say that.
- By the way, will you be tried, too?
- No, I won't be tried.
- Are you kidding me?
- Thank you, witness.
- Thank you, thank you.
- Witness... - I don't care about you. I don't care about you.
- What the hell are you doing?
- I can't stand it anymore!
It happened when Matsumoto, Imada and Yamahita went to a bar.
- Imada, you've been working hard lately, haven't you? - Well, little by little.
- How about you, Yamahita? - Not bad at all.
- You should work harder.
The three of them got excited and after dinner, it was time to pay.
- Hey, hey, hey, who's paying? Let's do rock - paper-scissors. - Yeah, sure, let's do it.
However, Yamahita has earned less than the other two.
- So... - Hey, let's do rock-paper-scissors.
- If I win one round, I win. - If Imada wins two rounds and Matsumoto wins three rounds, I win.
- What do you say? - Then...
Why do you have to do rock-paper-scissors? I want you to do rock-paper-scissors.
Despite Yamahita's hundreds of times of earnings, Matsumoto did not accept this offer at all.
In the end, they decided to play rock-paper- scissors.
- All right, let's do it. It's a one-on-one big match. - Rock-paper-scissors!
- Damn it! - All right! I won!
In the end, Yamahita lost, but he still had to pay.
I earned one meal!
- Damn it! - Damn it!
- Again, this kind of incident... - Damn it! - All right, let's do it one by one.
- All right, let's do it one by one.
- All right, go ahead. - Yamahita, who just appeared in the video. - Yes!
- Do you get it? - No. Explain it to me.
- Are you all right? - All right, all right.
- You know... - Yes?
- "100 Steps Forward" wasn't bad. - Yes, yes.
- Actually, I've done it before, too. - Yes, I see.
- With Mr. Yamazaki and Ms. Miyasako. - Oh, really?
- Yes, Mr. Yamazaki said "you should do it". - I see.
- And it became a film. - I see, I see.
- It was like a game for me, and it was fun. - Yes, of course.
It was like that, so of course I thought he'd do it, so I asked for a handy, and he suddenly said, "Why don't you give me a handy?"
It's not like I want it, but I don't know why.
That's right.
Why do you want a handy?
It's not like I want a handy.
That's right, that's right.
First of all...
Yes?
Um... you're up there.
I'm up there!
You and that "up there" has something in common, right?
You're up there!
Neither of you are up there.
You're not up there at all.
You're saying that I'm not up there.
To be honest, I want to see something cool.
I see.
So I want to see something cool.
What is it?
It's been mentioned a lot lately with that SMAP Nakai.
Yes, yes.
That time he drunk a lot of nakai.
That's not good!
It's fine to say "thank you", but saying "thank you" to Nakai-san is a little...
And not only me, but also Imaya-san said "thank you" to Nakai-san.
That's not good!
I know that!
That's right.
What does this mean?
This is not an individual problem.
It's not Nakai Masahiro vs Matsumoto Hitoshi.
It's Yoshimoto Kogyo vs Jannin.
Which one is profitable now, in terms of the agency?
No, no, no. It's not about Nakai.
It is! Because it's a business deal between agencies!
No, it's not like that. You're older than Nakai!
Lionheart sold very well.
But they don't have much money.
No, it's not like that.
It's not about me.
Anyway! What are you doing?
What do you mean? I'm just saying it's a business deal.
I was there, too.
You were there?
When we were paying, Nakai asked me to pay.
Matsumoto refused at first.
No, I'll pay.
He was like an old lady in Osaka.
When I saw it, I thought it would be a good start.
But once I said, "Really?"
He's very weak.
But I'm the one who pays recently.
No, you're not! Are you stupid?
What are you thinking about?
Why don't you pay me?
I'll pay you, idiot!
You're paying me, aren't you?
I'll pay you!
But I'm not that rich!
Hang in there!
What are you talking about?
I'm not paying you!
You're paying me!
No, you don't know!
You don't know, but I'm paying you!
I'll pay you later!
When you pay me overseas, I pay you.
I have Matsumoto's wallet.
So I know about you.
You've been there, haven't you?
And I've been paying you.
Look at me!
No, you don't know!
I told you, he's paying me!
No, I haven't paid you where Matsumoto's paying me.
Be honest.
Fine, I won't pay you.
You guys, really, all of you, die!
You're all idiots!
Intellectual entertainers!
You, you, you, you're all intellectual entertainers! All of you, die!
And you, just go home normally!
What's with you?!
You're not taking my advice!
Tell me that!
Tell me that, or rather, give me that!
Give me that! Give me that!
Whoa, whoa!
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
What's with you?!
Show us what you've got!
Sugar bomb!
Please give me something!
No way!
Gasoline!
Gasoline?!