AISubs v3.5
This time, "Gaki no Tsukai" is...
Upsize! Upsize!
When you say it, the drums go BOOM!
Every time, the recording time exceeds one hour, so it doesn't fit in with the broadcast time.
Until now, we haven't been able to show you "Bakushou! Hizou! Talk Show"!
One show, big release!
Laugh as much as you want and forget about bad things!
"Gaki no Tsukai" Hizou! Talk Show!
Hey, you!
This show is brought to you by the following sponsors.
Oh man, what can I say? Olympics, Olympics...
Is that all you can say?
Oh man, you're so annoying, really!
What is that?
I'm not that interested in it.
You're not, are you?!
But...
Wait a minute. This is bad.
What is it?
My neck is shaking like this.
My middle face is like this.
I'm like, "Damn you!"
Is that so? Are you looking forward to the Olympics?
You know, I say this every four years, but it's a lie, right?
What?
It's not like Nishida Hikaru's birthday party or anything like that.
You know...
If you say it to me, it's obviously too soon!
Isn't it weird?
No, of course it's fine.
Oh, is that so?
You know...
I don't know who's in it, though.
Yeah, right?
I only know about Yara-chan.
Yara-chan is just as ugly as ever.
You'll be sued again!
Wait a minute!
Hey!
What do you mean "again"?
I haven't been sued yet!
Again now!
I... I...
Um...
You know...
Actually...
Recently or not...
I found out a little while ago...
That Yawara-chan...
According to what I heard...
She became a huge downtown fan!
I heard it!
It's like a rumor!
I don't know if it's true or not!
She seemed to be looking forward to it!
You know...
When you two become ugly together...
It's like that!
If you compare it to Yawara-chan...
It's irresistible!
It's like a bomb!
It's like that!
This is...
I feel sorry for you!
It's interesting!
It's starting to get funny!
Everyone, come and see it!
When you see it...
You two become ugly!
Ugly!
When you say it...
It's like a bomb!
I've done something bad!
I'm sorry!
I've heard that before!
Is that so?
But you've become more mature recently!
Your face too!
To say it clearly...
Sexy!
Right?!
This is good!
I thought you'd say that too!
Ah, Kaosuke has become more mature!
It's like...
When you two combine...
It's unbearable!
It's funny!
- No, "king girl". - Ah, in that sense.
- Ah, "king girl". - I still want to say "old woman" though.
- No, no, no. That's not it. - Ah, I see.
- To be clear, it's "sexy".
- That's what you want to say, isn't it?
- Aside from Pyonkichi-kun of "Hemengail", I heard that there are "flat animals". - Yes, yes, yes.
- Matsumoto-san is wearing a T-shirt again today. What is that "flat animal" you're talking about?
- Jun-kun, you're wearing a T-shirt like that, aren't you?
- I have a lot of flat T-shirts.
- Eh, you only have one? - Yes.
- Why don't you show me once?
- Well, I don't know if you'll be surprised.
- No, I'll be surprised. - I have a lot of them.
- Really? - The one you're wearing today is a snake.
- A snake? - A snake with a flat T-shirt.
- Why did that happen? - I made a mistake.
- With a snake with a flat T-shirt. - Yes.
- You normally wear it like this, right? - Yes, yes, yes.
- I wore it vertically. - Vertically?
- Like this. - What?
- Where was it? - What was going on?
I wore it vertically.
You know, it was weird when we bumped into each other, right?
- At the camp. - At the camp.
- We were at the camp, and I was like, "Aah!" and the snake was like, "Fwaah!" - Yes, yes.
- And it was like, "Duru duru duru duru!" - Yes.
- So the snake's face was facing me.
- So you couldn't see anything but my flat T-shirt.
- You couldn't see it at all. - No, no, I couldn't.
- So I couldn't tell if it was a snake or not. - That's not right.
- That's right. So you couldn't see it that well. - Of course you couldn't see it.
- Besides, it's a little off.
- I wore it from front to back, but if you wear it from front to back like you normally do... - Ah, of course.
- It's a little off, and my face is facing this way.
- My face is facing this way, so it doesn't feel good. - That's not funny.
- Not funny? It's not funny. I don't know. - No, you don't know. That's not good.
- Yes, that's why I'm in trouble. - Yes.
- So you don't have many other snakes than snakes? - No, I don't.
I have a lot of them.
Except for snakes.
Yes, snakes. Frogs too.
Really?
Yes.
Like Pyongyang people.
Yes, like Pyongyang people.
I also have them on my back.
Around here.
Around here?
Yes, around my back.
They always come out of here.
Like pigs.
It suits you, doesn't it?
Yes.
It suits you, doesn't it?
Even though you don't ride it that much.
MAD DUDE'S J-POP!
It's not because it hurts to cry when a sea turtle is alive and well,
but why do you cry?
People say that a lot, don't they?
Well, there's a video like that, too.
There is.
They say, "It's crying, it's crying,"
and my mother used to say,
Look at it, look at it,
and she used to say, "Look at the kingdom of the wild."
That's nostalgic.
Yeah, she used to say that.
It's not because it hurts, is it?
It doesn't hurt, you know, sea turtles.
Oh, really?
You know, that kind of thing is not a big deal for a nerve, you know.
Of course it's not.
No, of course it is.
Whether it's a fish or something else,
you don't feel anything when you're caught by a sea turtle.
What?
You know, "it hurts" is a human feeling, you know.
A fish doesn't feel anything when it's cut in half.
You don't feel anything at all.
You're just surprised at the situation.
A knife comes in here and you don't feel anything,
you just think, "Wow, wow, wow," and...
But you're jumping.
You're jumping and you just think, "Wow, wow, wow,"
and that's about it.
Is that so?
Yeah, you know, if it's a fish or something else,
you don't feel anything when you're caught by a sea turtle.
I don't know why you like it so much.
Hey you, tell me why you cry.
Why would I tell you that?
Because it hurts, doesn't it?
Then what do you think it is?
I'm asking you!
I thought it hurt, but you say it doesn't!
- Then think of it as a human woman. - Even if it doesn't hurt.
What do you mean?
Right?
When a human woman gives birth to a child,
let's say she's crying as she gives birth.
When a doctor tries harder, she cries more and more.
Why is that?
What would you do if a human woman was crying?
A human and a sea turtle are the same in that sense, right?
Why is it so quiet?
Am I the only one talking?
No, of course you are now.
What is it?
No, but why...
Why are you crying when it doesn't hurt?
It's fine if you say that.
Well, there are various theories.
Oh, is that so?
There are eight in total.
I said it myself, didn't I?
Eight.
Yes, there are about eight theories.
One of them is that it's not the child of the person you like.
So you don't like all of them?
What about sea turtles?
Sea turtles don't fall in love!
You don't know that!
Do you think sea turtles will fall in love?
Then...
Then why do you carry a ball?
I said, sea turtles are not love.
It's more of a match, or something decided by their parents.
It's a forced marriage decided by their parents.
But because they can't go against their parents,
female sea turtles are made to like male sea turtles.
But they don't call you.
- Just do it. - Just do it and run away.
- You're a bad guy. - There's no bad sea turtle.
- I like you, I like you. - Why do you say it twice?
I say "just do it" and say "don't do it" and "I'll call you again" but they never call me again.
Be quiet.
- Where are you going? - Are you okay?
"Give me your hand" they say.
"I'll close it for you" they say.
- Right? - No, I was just playing with you.
- I thought you were chubby. - You're weird.
- It's obvious. - It's obvious.
- I went to the hospital and checked and it was you. - Right?
- It was painful. - Right?
- But you noticed it was too late. - I noticed it was too late and I was shaking.
- I see. - I don't know what it is but I want to go to the beach.
- Women like eating sour things. - Right.
- Sea turtles are different. I want to go to the beach. - But you're a good guy.
- I'm a good guy. I don't know what it is but I don't want to give birth to it but I'm shaking.
- I'm not a child of a man I like. - Right.
- I'm not a child of a man I like but I'm shaking.
- That's why you're crying. - That's why I'm crying.
- I see. - This is one of eight long ones.
- Why don't you just end it like that?
Isn't that one of your ways of doing things?
Anyway, ask the guy next to you.
Don't bother asking me.
It's no use.
Are you stupid?
Isn't it up to you whether it hurts or not?
Well, it may be hard for a woman to understand.
"Oh, is that so?" That's all I can think of right now.
Well, isn't it the same here?
Oh, here?
It's pretty close here, too.
But if you do it with your nails, it hurts, doesn't it?
What do you mean?
If you cut it with your nails, it hurts, doesn't it?
Does it hurt?
If you do it with your nails...
No, it doesn't hurt at all.
If you do it yourself, of course it doesn't hurt.
Huh? What do you mean?
If you do it with your nails...
Huh? If you do it yourself, of course it doesn't hurt.
I've had it with you. You're making me sadistic.
I know! It hurts like hell! It's in my eyes! It hurts! I'm scared! I hate it!
When I get home and take a shower, it's all blue.
Oh, this is what Hamada did to me!
It's all blue when I get home.
I know, but...
If you do it yourself, of course it hurts.
Well, yes, but...
So what is it?
Why doesn't it hurt? I want you to tell me.
Oh, I see.
I don't know.
What do you think? Tell me.
No, I think it hurts.
What are you doing?
No, I'm doing it, but it hurts.
It hurts!
No, it doesn't.
It hurts!
No, it doesn't.
No, you want me to do it?
It hurts!
No, it doesn't.
No, like this.
You know, you don't do rolling dersers.
What's that?
You do it like this.
You don't do rolling dersers!
No, I don't.
No, you don't.
No, you do it like this.
I'm sick of this!
I won't lose!
From the Tokyo Tower, without any equipment, you jumped down with only one body and you were unharmed.
Please tell us about that legend one more time in detail.
Ah, there was such a thing.
It's an old and good era.
Does it matter?
It's the 70's.
You're blushing.
Yes, there was.
Eh, what does this mean?
What is it?
Why?
Movie?
Movie.
TV?
Movie.
Movie!
Yes.
What's the role?
What's the role of the movie?
What's the scene?
Policeman, policeman.
A policeman jumps down from the Tokyo Tower?
That kind of movie.
Is he going to die?
This, I also...
That policeman.
This, I also said "give me a break".
This is the only thing I asked for.
Yes, yes.
The director said.
"This is something only you can do".
I see.
"I definitely want you to do it".
From where?
From which area of the Tokyo Tower?
Hmm?
From which area?
The topmost area.
The topmost area of which area?
The topmost area you can see?
The most pointed area.
Hmm? Hmm? Hmm? Hmm?
The most pointed area.
The most pointed area?
What do you mean by "the most pointed area"?
The most pointed area!
Eh, the most pointed area?!
It's hard to climb up there.
Yes.
Eh?!
Yes, I climbed up there.
With a crane.
Crane?!
Yes, up there.
There's no crane like that!
When I went up there, I was really surprised.
Why were you surprised?
Because it's so pointed, it's amazing.
Yes.
Eh, what is it?
At the time, I might have been more pointed.
That doesn't matter.
What is it?!
You were holding that stick like this for a while!
What do you mean?
What state were you in while you were holding it?
You were holding it like this.
Yes.
It's amazing.
Even if you have a cold.
Even if you have a cold, it's amazing.
Yes, yes.
And?
Wah!
Eh, you went back?!
That was scary!
No, it's not! What I don't understand is...
It's a movie, right?
It's a movie.
And it's a detective, right?
It's a detective.
That detective...
Why did you have to climb all the way up and fall like that?
What are you doing?!
Please watch the movie first!
I don't know if it's on video or not, but...
That detective, look! It's a suicide scene!
What's wrong with that?
It's a suicide scene!
What's wrong with that?
No, what's wrong with that?!
It's a suicide scene!
Is it bitter?
No, it's a suicide scene!
It's not like that! It's not like that!
Why did you have to fall like that, detective?
Tell me about it!
You're so complicated!
No, you're not complicated at all!
The culprit...
I found the culprit!
That's right, that's right.
I don't know!
I was looking at the culprit from above like this.
I was like, "That's it!" and I ran away.
What are you going to do? Are you going to chase him?
He's already dead.
But...
The more you can change your life, the more you want to say you were chasing the culprit.
I know how you feel, but there's no continuation of the story.
He's already dead.
That's where it ends.
That's a weird movie!
What is that?!
Is that "Cannes"?
It's "Cannes."
There weren't many of you in that movie!
I was surprised.
But you were fine. You're the stuntman, right?
Huh?
You're the stuntman for that role, right?
That's right, that's right.
You didn't have anything on you and you didn't fly away?
I didn't have anything on me and I flew away.
What happened?
I didn't have anything on me and I flew away.
What happened?
It was really, really painful.
No, no, it's not like that.
It was really, really painful? What do you mean?
I fell from the top of Tokyo Tower.
Have you been to Tokyo Tower?
It's concrete below.
I fell from there.
It was really painful.
No, no, where did you fall from?
I can't write it down!
Where did you fall from? How did you fall?
I fell from the top of Tokyo Tower.
No, no, no. How did you fall? You flew like this and how did you fall?
No, I just fell like that.
Did you change your direction or did you just fall straight like that?
I fell straight like that.
If you were that far away, you wouldn't have fallen like that, would you?
No, that's...
Your head is heavy, so wouldn't you have fallen like that?
No, when I tried it, it wasn't like that.
No, it's true, it's true.
And I just fell like that.
It was really painful.
IT HURTS!
The makeup artist realized it and said "Are you ok?! IT HURTS! IT HURTS! IT HURTS! IT HURTS!"
"Where does it hurt?!" "Everywhere! IT HURTS!"
But everyone went to a sushi place.
- In fact, water bugs side effects are not yet discovered. - Oh, I see.
I heard you announced at the conference that you would fix water bugs at convenience stores. How do you fix them?
Well, I announced it.
You fix them at convenience stores?
I did it at that conference.
A German professor was like, "You idiot!"
What?
What did you say you'd fix?
You know how there's a piggy bank at the cash register at convenience stores?
Yeah, I know.
You put a dollar bill in there.
Yeah, I know.
You put a dollar bill in there.
Well, maybe you're right.
What are you talking about?
Speaking of which, that might have been the last one.
These days, some Japanese women say that their proportions have improved.
Right?
But I don't think there's anyone who walks in such a sexy way.
How sexy?
Like Marilyn Monroe.
Do you know how she walked?
How sexy?
I've never seen her like that.
Even Marilyn Monroe...
The way Marilyn Monroe walks is Marilyn Monroe's walk, right?
She doesn't walk in a special way, does she?
Well, but Marilyn Monroe walks like this.
She hasn't been born since then.
Tell me something new.
Sure.
Really?
Then tell me.
Hey, disciple, take it!
I don't have it!
It's a sexier way of walking than the Monroe Walk.
It's the 21st century.
To be honest, it might hurt you to say it like this, but it's for those who still have it.
Some of you might know it now.
- You know it now? - I know it now.
- Some of you might be impatient. - Yeah, yeah.
Why am I like this?
You know, I get calls from all over the country.
- Even from the countryside. - Oh, from the countryside! That surprised me!
I want to see my grandkids!
I want to hear their stories!
That's what you're saying!
- Right? - Yeah.
- Some of you might be impatient. - Yeah, yeah.
- Some of you might be impatient, but you don't want to see your grandkids. - Yeah, yeah.
- That's what you're worried about. - Yeah, I know.
I know what you're worried about.
If you ask me what I don't like about it, it's sexiness.
- It's a different way of walking. - Yes.
Then tell me about it.
If you do that, what happens? Do you become popular?
There are two men in the Monroe Walk, and three women.
If you just walk like that?
There are no two people, and there are about four groups of three people.
It's complicated. Do it by yourself.
Okay, like you're alone.
What are you doing?
Walk!
Why don't you go home?
What's wrong with you? Why do you move like that?
Do some exercise!
Why do you move like this?
I've been fishing for a while.
I can't move like this.
Can you move like this?
I don't care!
I'll go blue!
It hurts here, but I can't move like this!