AISubs v3.5
I don't even remember calling you "kureya"
You're staring at me
You said you'd stare at me!
I don't remember calling you "kureya"
But I do remember how it felt
Even when you called me "oshiri"
I'll be honest with you
I want you to be popular!
But if that "oshiri" becomes popular
Then I'll tell everyone in Japan
That it's Miyasako's gag
I wanted to say that it's funny
Is violence allowed?
Violence is a crime!
It happened a few years ago
Hey, Tanaka! It's Yamazoki!
Good morning!
Are you free this weekend?
Let's go to Hakone!
Hakone?
What are we doing in Hakone?
Of course we'll go to an onsen!
We'll eat good food, play with girls
And relax in an onsen!
It's a paradise!
Is it really fun?
What's with that attitude?
I'm your senpai!
Just shut up and come with me!
I'm sorry! I'll go!
Tanaka wasn't very motivated
But he understood Yamazaki's insistence
And that day...
Good morning!
What's wrong, Yamazoki-san?
I left my cooler on and slept
So I'm not feeling well
We'll be fine once we get in the onsen!
You're right...
They got on the train and headed for Hakone for a while.
To be honest, I didn't want to get on at first...
But now that we're going, we have to have fun!
Right, Yamazaki-san?
Huh?
Well... you're right...
For some reason, Yamazaki, who doesn't talk much, and Tanaka, who seems to be having fun, get on the train and arrive at Hakone.
Hakone... Hakone...
Yamazaki-san, we're here!
Yeah... I totally fell asleep...
And as soon as Yamazaki got off the train...
Is it the wind? I feel like I have a fever...
Tanaka, can you touch my forehead?
Huh?! You don't have a fever at all!
I do! I feel like I have a fever! This is bad!
Bad? But you're already here!
And so, Yamazaki...
Let's go home...
Go home?! I didn't want to come, but I came all the way here!
Even if you say that, you don't know me, do you?
Even if you say that, you don't have any enthusiasm at all!
Shut up! It's not fun anymore!
And so, Tanaka and Yamazaki returned to Tombo and settled in Hakone.
Tanaka, who suddenly cancelled his trip because he didn't want to go...
However, Yamazaki, who slept soundly on his way back from work...
...was said to have fully recovered by the time he arrived in Tokyo.
Your Honor!
Yes?
Do you have a witness?
This is a little cruel...
Ah, but...well, if it's Yamazaki, I think it's possible...
Ah, you think it's possible?
Yes...
You know...
Yes?
Well, since I came all the way here...
Yes?
Yamazaki-san, let's go to the hot spring!
Yes!
I've said it many times!
Yes!
And so, I got really angry...
Huh?!
If you say you want to go so badly...
Yes...
Then you go by yourself! It's not like you're here to recover!
I see...
What's so fun about going to the hot spring by yourself?!
Besides, he invited you, didn't he?!
That's right! Even after I got home, he said me to stay by his side!
He said me that I might be catching a cold,
and that he's worried I'll stay up all night...
And so, I was told to stay by his side, and I stayed by his side the whole time!
Then, my face definitely started to look a little pale,
and I thought it must be really difficult,
and I thought I should measure my temperature!
When I measured my temperature, it was only 7.2 degrees!
It was only 7.2 degrees that made my stay useless!
Well, if you say 7.2 degrees...well, I don't know about normal temperatures...
I'm not saying that I'm an adult.
Is it your name?
I'm not saying that I'm an adult. I'm going to work hard from now on.
It's like a convenience store.
My fever is extremely low.
Is that so?
Seriously.
34 degrees.
No, no, no. That's not possible.
It's not like that.
An adult may have a fever of about 39 degrees.
But if you force me to go to work and if I'm not feeling well in the morning,
if you call me and tell me to quit today, will my fever go away?
In the previous video, you said you weren't feeling well in the morning.
If I'm not feeling well, it's because I got a cold.
What about you?
No, I'm not feeling well in Shinjuku.
I'm saying this with both ears.
No, it's not like that.
I said, "I'm not feeling well in Hakone and I'm not feeling well in Shinjuku."
I'm not feeling well in Hakone...
Yes!
Well, you can't go back home even if you don't feel well as soon as you arrived.
Well, I'm having a hard time when I catch a cold.
No, I think it's everyone.
It's everyone!
No, it's not everyone.
Is it only you?
After all, you must be sad.
You say it because of poison.
What do you mean?
I feel like you usually think of me a lot.
It's a nuisance!
You show me your pose that you don't want to answer me again and again!
You're lying, aren't you?
I'll cry when you do it!
I'll cry!
You have a very sad face.
I'm often told stories about stairs.
There is a pattern in which you say, "You're the culprit!"
There is.
And you say, "You're the culprit!" to your juniors.
And your juniors say, "Whoa!" and you say, "Whoa!" with a surprised face.
What's with that scary face?
That's amazing!
It's really amazing that you're scared!
I was in a dark alley on a bus and there was a tree in front of me.
When I looked out of the window and saw it, I screamed, "Whoa!"
Just one person!
What's with you guys?
Tree! Tree!
It's really terrible.
I was driving on a mountain road and when I turned off all the lights, it was pretty funny.
Three of us turned off the lights and I was laughing, but...
Whoa!
Stop it!
I don't know what you're talking about.
You sound like my sister!
Sister, stop it!
Here it is! The funny comedian! Here it is!
A few years ago, when Yamazaki was at his peak as a comedian...
Yamazaki has become quite popular lately, hasn't he?
No, I'm busy!
If I did all the hard work, I wouldn't be able to keep up!
So you're also on 'Leave it to Akko'?
Yes, that's right.
But you know, it's a regular show, so it's twice a week.
At the time, Yamazaki and Keitsu were on 'Leave it to Akko'.
But it doesn't matter! Even if it's not a regular show, it's enough for me to be on that show!
That's not true! Keitsu is so annoying!
Even if they weren't there, it would be a regular show! You're in my way, Keitsu!
What are you laughing about?
Keitsu's Horibe is a high school writer and a musical instrumentist.
Right next to him, he was listening to some of his poems.
Yamazaki forgot Horibe's existence and spoke his mind.
No, it's not like that! That's not what I meant!
No, it's fine.
Horibe also laughed bitterly for the first time in a while.
Please accept this.
Please explain your current VTR.
At that time, we and he were working as regular in each week.
As an entertainer, as a talent, it is human nature to want to appear every week.
Of course it is.
Of course it is, but since it is your show, we young people wanted to do our best in each week to liven up the show.
That's right.
That's what it was like.
I'm a writer in this room.
When I was in the dressing room, I talked about it with Matsumoto and Yamazaki.
It's a secret, isn't it?
That's right.
It's annoying, Keitsu.
Eh?
I thought, and he was over there, too.
Ahh!
He was over there, too.
What are you talking about?
I was surprised!
What are you talking about?
Are you serious?
Of course I don't hate Keitsu-san!
Of course I want to be on the show every week!
That's how I feel!
That's how I pose!
Is there anything else?
In the past...
Well, now he's on the bench.
Oh, he's the owner of the bench now.
In the past, he used to drive a domestic car.
And when he changed his car,
he asked Matsumoto-san,
Why did you finally buy a bench?
What are you talking about?
You can't drive a domestic car!
As an entertainer,
you can't drive a domestic car!
By the way, I'm a domestic car.
It tickles, doesn't it?
It tickles.
Somehow...
I always...
I always think of him like that.
Yamazaki Keitsu!
This is what happened
when Yamazaki went to Japan
for a special broadcast,
and America went to Las Vegas.
Hosei and I went to Las Vegas.
We played a casino roulette game.
If we lost, we had to do a punishment game.
So we didn't do anything.
Hosei lost and we had to do a punishment game.
That punishment game was a 50-meter bungee jump.
For an actor, a bungee jump is a very delicious punishment game.
For someone who made a bad face because of a promise...
Yes! This is delicious!
I'm sorry for you two, but I, Hosei Yabazaki, will be hosting this show!
However...
It's okay! It's okay!
It's okay!
Okay, no problem, buddy. No problem.
No problem!
- No problem. - Thank you!
Hosei Yabazaki is a bad actor.
As expected, a bad actor is a bad actor.
Broadcast will end here.
I've worked with various entertainers before...
But this is the first time I've been disappointed like this.
Even for a moment...
What I expected of him...
Well, I guess it was nothing.
Well, in the first place...
He's the worst.
I guess you could say that.
Here is...
The opening scary collection of "Hosei Yabazaki is a bad actor"!
First of all...
The Yakuza suddenly rushes to Yabazaki's house.
It's a prank project.
- I'll be there soon. - I'll be there soon.
- Who is it? - I'm waiting for you.
He didn't know he'd really come.
He seemed strong on the phone, but...
Oh, excuse me.
- No, I'm sorry. - I'm not a thief!
- I'm sorry. - I'm not a thief.
- No, I'm sorry.
- I'm sorry. - I'm not a thief!
- I'm sorry. - I'm not a thief.
- No, I'm sorry. - I'm not a thief!
- Hello! - Welcome!
- Welcome!
Why did you jump out of there?
And on "Kimo-dameshi" show...
You're always so loud.
- What do you think? - Your face!
Is it a real dog?
- It's Kira. - It's Kira.
- It's you. - You're Keita.
Next, the legendary Yamazaki vs Jimmy competition.
- How do you use this? - How do you use it?
Use it like this! Use it like this!
Also, when they're competing with animals...
- Sit down! - I'm poopy. - Sit down! - I'm poopy. - Sit down! - I'm poopy.
- Ah! - Ah! - Ah!
And then, the extremely dangerous...
They're planning to take mysterious photos in mysterious spots.
- Wow! Wow! - Why? Why are you doing? - I'm sleepy! - Stupid!
- Wow! Wow! - I'm sleepy! - I'm sleepy! - I'm sleepy! - I can't eat. - Wow! - I can't eat. - I can't eat. - I'm sleepy! - I'm sleepy! - I can't eat. - I'm sleepy! - I'm sleepy! - I'm sleepy! - I'm sleepy!
Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
Who is this?
Aaaaaah!
Ouch! Ouch!
Yamazaki Hosei was indeed the ultimate horror star.
Now, there was a terrible horror like this.
What was the thing that jumped over you?
You know, sometimes there's this big picture on the streetlight, right?
That picture was fluttering in the electricity pole.
Oh, Mr. Yamazaki, you have a big picture, don't you?
"Oh, that's right," I said.
About five seconds later, I heard a scream like now again.
I looked at Mr. Yamazaki's face and saw that picture was fluttering here.
Why do you think like this?
Well, it's because of the small scale.
You know, there's a lot of things.
I saw a horse racing newspaper a long time ago and bought it.
- But it's a big picture. - That's funny!
It was published in Japan.
- Was it yesterday's newspaper? - Yes, it was.
- Was it published in Japan? - Is your name different?
"Huh? Is it different?" "Isn't it a horse race?"
"Huh? Your name is different, too!" I said like that.
I predicted it in yesterday's newspaper, but it was correct.
- Perfect. - Well, let me review it.
Well, we have a certificate from a person who is very close to you, Mr. Yamazaki.
- Who is it? - Who is it?
Yamata-kun is small in scale.
In the past, Yamata-kun had a job in Ultra Quiz.
He himself was aiming for a step up in this Ultra Quiz.
It seems like he put a lot of effort into recording.
To be clear, it didn't come out well at all.
Most of the good parts of 1999's "Okamura", which young people participated in at the time, were taken away.
Usually, entertainers would say...
Ah, damn it! Alright! Next time for sure! Next time for sure! I'll get back what I got last time and stand out!
I'll make people laugh!
I think that's what an ordinary entertainer would say.
Yamata-kun, on the other hand, is extremely small in scale.
That's why he would say...
The show is bad!
It doesn't bring out my charms at all!
Takeshi-san is bad!
He doesn't know me!
That's how far he has come.
And when there's another non-performance request...
Yamata-kun would refuse it.
Even when he appeared on "Karasuagi"...
It seems like he didn't say anything at all.
As for whether he's an ordinary entertainer...
"Alright! Next time for sure!" I think...
The show is bad!
It doesn't bring out my charms at all!
Takeshi-san is bad!
He didn't say it when he was drunk.
Yamata-kun really is...
...a small guy.
Really... Yamazaki-san...
...well, Yamazaki is...
...a really small guy.
You're really small!
You're a senior, so...
...you're a senior for two years, right?
Well, in terms of experience...
Even though you're a senior for two years...
...you want your juniors to be happy that you have more work, right?
Yeah, like us...
...people who have been together for a long time.
When you have less work in the future...
...people will be really happy, right?
Yeah...
When you have more leisure time...
...people won't call you, right?
People won't call you!
Right?
What do you mean?
And when you have less work in the fall...
...people will come to you in all sorts of ways!
That's a good thing!
They will come to you!
You're really small!
Really!
Well, compared to his human size...
...he's really small!
I'm really sorry!
Please...
...forgive him!
Please!
Well, that's all we have for you today.
Yamazaki Koku, if you have anything to say, please say it.
I don't know if I can say it's an accident...
...but I admit that there were many things that happened.
But...
...isn't he cute?!
Wow!
Did you just hear people's voices?!
Wow!
It came out of his belly button!
Well then...
...distributors, please proceed with the auction.
Yes!
Distributors, please proceed with the auction.
Yes!
Distributors, please proceed with the auction.
I am...
I am a defendant.
Now...
What will you do?
(applause)
(laughter)
Please erase it.
(laughter)
Ah!
Well, then, Chairman Bines and Mr. Matsumoto will announce this time's verdict.
Ah, defendant Hosei Yamazaki has been causing trouble for many people with his small scale and this is irreplaceable fact and has exceeded our expectations.
Therefore, there is no room for excuses.
The verdict is...
A lonely piano concert at the ruins of midnight.
What's that?
Playing the piano in a school at night where no one is around.
(laughter)
All-nighter.
(laughter)
(applause)
All-nighter.
(applause)
Why didn't you do that?
No, basically...
All-nighter.
You're a lawyer and I'm a lawyer.
(laughter)