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In the next episode of "Useful Things", we'll gather up all the "Hensei Ponpoko" raccoons one by one!
"Downtown Zero"!
Today, "Downtown Team" and "Yamashaki Kokoriko Team" have been divided into two teams.
We've chosen raccoons one by one.
Neither raccoon will be able to pull down a raccoon's collar until the end.
Yes, yes, yes.
That's how it is.
I see.
Who's going to judge it?
Nobody.
Oh, nobody? But there's one over there.
There are five of them in a row.
Yes.
Well, over there is Judge Suga Kenji.
Oh, nice to meet you!
Who's that?
That's a weird character.
He's got a windbreaker on his face.
He looks like a fake talent.
He's got a windbreaker on his face.
This program is brought to you by the following sponsors.
Well, let's get started.
First up is "Eastern Raccoon".
All right!
We are "Social Team".
We are "Tanuki".
Yamashaki Kokoriko Team's raccoon has joined the show.
Welcome!
(Laughter)
(Cheering)
Mr. Shimano.
It's funny enough already.
(Laughter)
Hey, me too!
I wanted to make this team "Tanuki".
All right, Mr. Taishima.
"Western Raccoon".
Welcome "Western Raccoon" team!
Hahaha!
Look! It's juice!
It's really juice!
Hey, Tanuki Neyri!
Did you drink something?
Tanuki Neyri first round! Who will sleep?
No matter how much you sleep, your body will be tired.
That's right!
This is for boxing.
That's right!
I will put this on my belly.
Here I go!
Who are you talking to?
You said "woo"!
But you said "woo"!
I won't wake up!
I won't wake up at all!
Then I will...
As you know...
This meat bun has a lot of juice.
And... Shumai!
This meat bun...
It won't wake up at all!
It won't wake up!
It's going to wake up!
It's going to...
You did it! You did it!
I did it! I did it!
If you sleep a lot, you'll do it, right?
It's not like that.
It's not like that at all.
You did it twice!
You did it!
Yamasaki Kokoriko team's score is...
We'll do our best too!
8.9, 9.8, 9.8...
Total is...
42 points!
Rontan team's score is...
10.8, 7.9, 7.5...
Total is...
42 points!
I don't know, I don't know, I don't know
Round 2, who will continue to sleep?
For me, next is...
It's my favorite, but...
Raccoon, right?
That's right. Here we go.
My favorite is...
This one!
It's huge!
Absolutely.
What are you going to do with it?
I'm going to stick it to my body and...
I'm going to put it in here.
That's a pretty rough job.
But it's my favorite, so I can just wake up and do it, right?
You can't wake up and do it like that.
I have to catch it.
I'm going to put it in...
There you go!
He's standing up!
No, no, he's standing up!
He's standing up!
Please put it in your mouth.
See?
He's sleeping.
For me, it's a pretty rough job.
It looked like a rough fight, but...
- Now, this position is... - Yes.
- Well, for those who are sleeping, it's always like this, right? - Yes.
- Then I'll do it. - Yes.
- It's moving quite a lot, that one. - I'm surprised.
- It's okay, right? - Not at all.
- It's totally okay. - This is amazing.
- Wow, this is amazing.
- This... this... - You're doing it right and left.
- Which one is this? - Which one is this?
- You're praising me too much. - I'm praising you too much.
- I understand. - Yes.
- Then, let's see the score! - Yes!
- First of all, Yamasaki Coco Rico Team's score is... - Let's do our best! Let's do our best!
- 5 points! 7 points! 10 points! 9 points! 10 points! - Huh?
- The total is... 40 points! - Yay!
- Nantan Team's score is... - Huh?
- 10 points! 9 points! 9 points! 10 points! 7 points! - Huh?
- The total is... 40 points! - Yay!
- Yay!
- Round 3, "Eat your teeth and sleep!" - Okay, show us! - Okay!
- Please! - Huh? What? What?
- Please! - Please! - Please show us!
- It was this big. - It's gross. - It's really gross.
- Isn't that a penis? - Yes, it is. - Yes, it is.
- Please make it an "h" penis. - An "h" penis?
- This is an "h" penis. - It's here! It's here! It's here!
- It's an "h" penis! - It's cute! - It's an "h" penis!
- Does it hurt?
- I want to act! - Shall we remove it? - Yes.
- Doctor? Doctor? - Yes?
- There's something like juice coming out of my nipple. - Isn't it sweat?
- No, it's not sweat. - What is this?
- It's like it's coming out of my nipple.
- Now, Kyrie and Uchi are amazing. They will appear now. - Please!
- What is it? - It's like something happened to Ishimoki-san.
- There's nothing to say. - To Ishimoki-san.
- What are you doing? Don't say anything. - What are you doing?
- I'm going to do something amazing.
- He's licking his nose!
- Do you know what will happen if you lick your nose?
- He's licking his mouth. - That's amazing.
- He's not saying a word.
- Is it over? - Look at his face.
- That was an amazing "h" character.
- That's amazing.
- For Omono-ma-da-ruki, who got 43 points from the water ball attack, Fujiwara-da-ruki got 47 points from Oma-san.
- Next, they will compete against each other.
- Let's do it. - Let's go!
- Be careful! - Yes!
- Ignite!
- OK. - OK.
- We have to watch it a little more. - Yes.
- How long will it take? - Yes.
- Isn't it hot? - Hot... What?
Hot!
- Hang in there, Tanuki! - Hang in there!
- Tanuki! - Why are you talking?
- It's pretty hot. - Yes.
- You sleep a lot. - You sleep a lot.
- You also sleep a lot. - Yes.
- Well, sleeping is a good season, but... - Huh?
- Huh?
- What's going on? - It's going to stick.
- What are you talking about? - My Tanuki is going to be...
- Huh? - Huh?
- Tanuki! - Huh?
- Huh?
- It's moving. - It's moving.
- Hang in there, Higashi!
(Come on! Come on! Come on!)
(OK! The hurdle will fall off)
(Ah ah ah!)
(All right!)
(No way!)
The last match of the raccoon and reindeer competition!
The hot hot hot water will show the real strength of the raccoon and reindeer.
Let's hope for the best of both raccoons!
Shall we lift it up? (Yes, yes.)
One, two... (Here we go!)
(Here we go!)
(It's heavy, heavy.) (It's heavy.)
Please put it in slowly. (Right.)
Gently. (Gently.)
Put it in slowly. (From the feet, from the feet.)
Slowly, slowly. (From the feet.)
Ashi, try putting a little bit of squid in it. (That's right, put it in once.)
Will it wake up or not?
It's okay, it's okay! (It's okay, it's okay!)
Do your best, do your best! (Put it in slowly, put it in slowly.)
No? No? (What? What? Why? Why?)
It's awake! (It's awake, it's awake.)
It's awake, it's awake! (It's awake, it's awake.)
I'll do it! (All right!)
Here we go! (I'm counting on you! It's awake!)
Do your best! (Do your best!)
One, two... (It's hot!)
(That was fast.) (That was fast!)
What are you doing? (Here we go!)
One, two... (Here we go!)
Ashi, Ashi, try putting it in once. (That's right.)
Ashi, try putting it in once. (It's like this.)
It's okay. (Here.)
That was fast!
One, two... (One, two...)
That was fast!
I was trying to put it in once.
All right, so now...
The Tanuki of the Yamazaki Gogoriko Team is 2.28 seconds.
And...
The Tanuki of this team is 2.34 seconds!
And this scene is really funny!
Ladies and gentlemen...
I'm very happy.
You know, yesterday, I was boxing in the morning.
Is that so?
Boxing. Has anyone seen it yesterday?
There's one over there.
Oh, there is? I couldn't help laughing and having fun.
Boxing.
You know, there are various names.
Fighting Harada, Guts Ishimatsu.
There are.
You know, first of all, I was surprised at the name.
Ring name.
I was surprised at the ring name.
Cyborg Koichi.
Really?
Yes.
Really?
At that moment, I became a fan of him.
Cyborg Koichi.
First of all, the announcer and commentators call him "cyborg".
But you know, Koichi has a good punch now.
Koichi doesn't say it.
It's strange.
Cyborg's movement is fast.
Of course it's fast.
That's why it's "cyborg".
I forgot his opponent's name.
He has too much impact.
I have to stop his movement.
I can't stop it.
It's "cyborg".
I was surprised.
How was the match?
It was amazing.
I was surprised.
You should come up.
Cyborg was amazing in the first round.
Of course.
In the first round, Cyborg won by 10 to 9.
In the second round, Cyborg was doing well.
But I was surprised in the third round.
Cyborg didn't stand up in the third round.
Cyborg ran out of fuel in the fourth round.
In the fifth round, Cyborg didn't stand up in the third round.
Is it true?
It's true!
Cyborg didn't stand up in the third round.
Referee said "fight", but Cyborg didn't stand up in the fourth round.
Cyborg lost in the fourth round.
Really?
Then, a man with a microphone came up and said "let me explain".
Of course.
I'm a cyborg, too.
I'm sure of it.
At the end of the second round, the opponent's left or right hook entered my armpit.
I see.
Then, Cyborg's armpit broke.
How did it happen?
Did it break like that?
The first round was amazing.
It looks fun.
It was like a lie in the third round.
I thought the lid was open.
The lid would move.
The lid wouldn't move.
You know the lid that goes "kacha kacha"?
Like the one under the TV.
That's like...
Even if you do it twice, it won't move.
Let's do "kacha" one more time.
Even so, this is fine.
It went "kacha" like this.
It went "bam bam bam" like this.
The president did it gently like "kacha".
Gently like "kacha".
No, really...
Yesterday...
It's been a while, hasn't it?
Yesterday... Don't say it in a bad way.
Suddenly...
It fell down.
No, no, no!
You can't do that!
I can do it! I can do it!
I can do it, right?!
I'm glad I didn't do it last night!
Last night! Look at me!
I can't even look you in the eye!
What were you doing?
I wasn't doing anything.
I was just talking with the staff yesterday.
I know, right?
And I felt like something was stuck in my bone.
You know, after you eat something.
I felt like something was stuck in my bone, so I was chewing it.
And I was like, "Yeah, that's how it is."
And I dropped it.
And I put it back in.
And I looked up and no one noticed me!
Noticed you?
You dropped your tooth!
Everyone was like, "You don't know?!"
Don't make fun of me!
But I managed to put it back in.
And I looked up and no one noticed me.
So I probably had a red face.
And the staff said, "You have a red face and you do like this."
So there's something like this, too?!
No, Hama-chan, you know...
Do you have something you're shy about?
She's telling me that.
She's telling me that over the phone.
Shazuna - Every Little Thing
Matsumoto-san, you're the father of a band that's been selling well lately.
Well, yeah...
Actually, it looks like you're about to change your band name to Downtown.
Oh, I can say that.
Matsumoto-san, please raise the band name you're thinking of right now.
And tell me why you came up with that name.
Yes.
You named it Shazuna?
I did.
Why Shazuna?
Well, I'm not asking you what kind of name you like.
I'm not asking you what you like.
I like a band that looks like it has a lot of vitamins.
A band that looks like it has a lot of vitamins in front of a band like this?
So you're going to change "downtown"?
"downtown" is kind of like...
It's in the public eye now.
I think it's about time for it to stop. Don't you think?
I've gotten tired of "downtown" little by little.
Even if you say "downtown", I don't feel like turning around.
That's your personal feeling, isn't it?
In that sense, the thing I like the most right now is...
attention, please.
Thank you.
You have to think about various situations when you're in a duo.
Like when you're called by the staff.
There's a lot of things.
Attention, president, please!
You!
Yes!
You're still in your teens, so you can say "yes"!
I think it's better to have a name in the first place.
Yes.
By doing so, you'll remember it.
Yes, yes.
Remember it...
For example, when you go to America or travel abroad, you'll definitely hear the name "downtown".
Even for a moment, the name "downtown" will come up in your head.
It's the same with that.
Yes.
So when you get on the plane...
Attention, please!
My and Hamada's faces will pop up.
Even if you only do that, it's worth it.
By next month...
I think it'll start to pop up more and more.
Your face will pop up, too.
Mr. Matsumoto, you've been investigating numerous cases as a judge of the Supreme Court.
Yes.
What is the boundary between rape and not rape?
Rape...
Right?
I want to make it easy for you all to understand because you're all stupid.
I want you all to read it out loud.
Why?
Just read it normally!
It'll be easier for you to understand.
You'll understand it, right?
Rape...
Not as an example...
Rape...
A woman who hates you...
A woman who hates you!
You should have said it with confidence from the beginning!
Rei!
Rei Ininaku!
I'm sorry.
I'm really sorry about that.
Go home!
I'm sorry.
Rape.
Rape!
I went as far as to say it.
Here I go.
Rei!
Go home from Rei.
You should have said it with confidence from the beginning!
Rei!
Rei Ininaku!
She...
She hates you!
She...
She doesn't hate me at all.
She doesn't hate you at all.
She doesn't hate me at all.
That's what I thought.
It was too soon!
No.
It's better.
I don't know why I'm doing this.
I can't even panic.
I don't have the courage.
I don't know why.
I want to lie down.
I can't get up.
I want to lie down.
I can't get up.
Let's not forget to send our condolences to all the staff members of each show.
This is a question for our human relations expert, Matsumoto-san.
The other day, I went to the sauna and saw my older brother, who had a painting on his back, suddenly sitting next to me.
I didn't feel like leaving right away, and I couldn't help but sweat and feel like dying.
How can I get through this pinch?
It's not like you can say anything just because you left right away.
You have to lie so you don't hurt your opponent.
It's not like you can say anything just because you left right away.
- When I left? - Yes, yes.
I was sitting like this, and I thought, "Ah, Yakuza is here."
But they didn't wait for me!
They found out!
They didn't wait for me like that!
Why do you say it like you're sulking?
Okay, let's fight, Yakuza.
- This is the most important part. - You...
Why do we have to fight? It's not like you can say anything just because you left right away.
So I said, "Okay, I'm sorry." "Okay, I'll tell you."
So I said, "Okay, I'll tell you."
"Hey, Matsumoto-san." "Yeah?"
"Why did you leave like that?" "Yeah?"
I don't know why, but I had no choice but to leave.
"Matsumoto-san." "Yeah?"
So I said, "It's not like you, Matsumoto-san!"
No, it's not like you, Matsumoto-san!
Didn't you say who it was just now?
I don't know.
What's with you?!
Are you stupid?
What are you talking about?
You're making that face.
What? I don't know what you're trying to say.
- Yakuza and... - Okay, say it. It's hard for you to say it right away.
That's not true. You can say it.
You said it first!
- Did I say it? - You said it.
- Did I really say it? - You said it. Don't point your finger at me.
- You said it. - Wait a minute.
Can I point my finger at my partner who's been doing this for 15 years?