AISubs v3.5
In the first episode of "Useless Things Only" we'll be giving away lots of presents!
With staff piercings, we'll have a big "Mote Mote" campaign!
Oh, you guys aren't excited at all!
You know, the reason we're doing this is because you guys aren't popular, right?
That's...
That's... how do you say it? You stink!
Oh, you want me to say that?
Yeah.
Then I'll say it.
Oh, that's fine.
What I'm saying is...
It's hard to handle.
Raise your hand if you think you're popular!
Huh?
This is bad!
You know, I don't care if you're popular or not.
If you're going to do this,
there's going to be a lot of girls you've never seen before.
Get a talent! A talent!
You know...
Is it okay?
When I entered the room full of staff,
it smelled like my house in Peru.
I was about to die!
Now, let's see what we've prepared for you.
This program is brought to you by these sponsors.
Okay, everyone.
Today, we're at Takasu Clinic...
Yes.
...and we'll let you do whatever you want.
Well, it's going to take some time,
so we have to make it something you can do easily.
But if we do it quickly, you'll be popular.
Today...
we'll do piercings.
Piercings?
Like Takeda Techa?
Today, we'll do piercings for you!
If you're conscious of it, it won't be that bad.
I haven't thought about it much, so...
We'll do piercings!
Where should we start?
Let's start with the ears.
What are you doing?
I'm not doing anything.
Right?
The person who gets it...
Okay.
...will get pierced in the ear.
Okay, let's go!
We won't take that long!
Now, pierced in the ear...
Pierced in the ear...
Who could it be?
Now!
Here it comes!
The most unsuitable person!
For me, he's the worst!
Now, Nakamura has gone!
Did you see that?
He's already here.
The newly reborn Nakamura is here!
Nakamura is here!
You're not fashionable!
But now you're popular!
Popular!
You're totally different now!
You're so handsome!
I feel like I want to hit you as soon as possible.
You're excited, aren't you?
Now, next!
Yes, where should we go?
Next...
As I thought...
Here!
Now, let's go!
Yes!
OK!
Yes!
Kobayashi-kun, please come out!
He came out and almost burned himself on the stairs.
That's totally fine!
That's fine, that's fine!
This is really popular, isn't it?!
This is popular!
This is really popular!
He said "sign please!"
Oh no, oh no, oh no!
World peace award, please go ahead!
Good!
This is popular, right?
Is this popular, too?
It's popular!
Next is...
This one, right?
This one!
Let's go!
It's popular!
I think we can do it.
Oh, no!
Ouch! Ouch!
You're fast!
You're my friend!
I didn't see you. You looked like Takashi just now.
Please! Please!
What are you talking about? It's just me!
Stay away from me! Stay away from me!
Let's go!
Oh, no! Oh, no! Oh, no!
It's really bad! It's really bad!
Oh, no! Oh, no! Oh, no!
It's me! It's me!
Ouch! Ouch! Ouch!
I know you!
Motoichi can stand it!
He's in good shape!
Well...
Kim... Kimutaco is aiming for Adachi Motoichi.
Yes.
It's finally over.
Hmm... I'm jealous of you.
Your hair is getting longer and longer.
Yes, yes, yes.
If you do this...
It's complete.
Well...
Here comes Adachi Motoichi!
Yes! Please!
Well...
It's really...
Well...
It's really...
He's a star!
Huh? Why can't you speak?
You can't speak, can you?
No, it's okay.
It's okay.
Not at all.
Kimutaco is getting closer and closer.
Yes!
He's really a star.
It's already open here.
It's already open.
It's up to the third button.
Show me your chest a little.
Well...
How is it?
Are you popular?
I'm popular.
Kimutaco! Kimutaco!
You haven't been to the stars much, have you?
Is it okay like this?
Until now, you've been called "lady".
No, it's not like that.
Why is he suddenly appearing here?
You don't know, do you?
Come forward, come forward.
Oh, is that so?
Maybe he'll do something like this.
Suga-chan, come forward!
Oh, I'm glad it's you, Suga-chan!
I knew it.
Suga-san, you're being weird!
I'm not popular!
What are you laughing about?
What are you laughing about?!
What's up with you? How are you feeling?
What's up with you?
You took a day off yesterday, didn't you?
Yeah.
Yeah?!
When I woke up, I was exhausted.
Life isn't good at all, is it?
- I don't know. - Why do you say such things?
Don't say such gross things, you baldhead!
You know, in front of you, you hit first and rest, right?
I've learned that from my right.
When I'm tired, I rest right away.
Instead of that, I can recover right away.
- Yes, yes, yes. - I don't rest for a day. - That's right, that's right.
That's really the case.
- "Oh, I've done it this much. This is bad." - That's right, that's right.
I'm sorry, but don't write *****.
You said it to me earlier, but now you're rolling in there!
You have a cute face, really.
Why didn't you say it to me?
No, no, you really...
No, that's why!
What's bad about it? It's really not that bad.
But there are times when I can't do anything!
Ah, I can't do it anymore!
My butt is starting to go crazy too!
Ah, my butt is a little crazy too!
You're young!
What's bad about me?
Well...
Go ahead.
What's bad about my butt?
No, it's not that you're bad.
What's bad about your butt?
Well, it's really thick.
I can't stand it.
The demand and supply...
are more...
Are there demand and supply in your butt?
Well, whatever.
I can't answer those two questions!
- You know? - I know.
I couldn't do it.
Sorry, I couldn't do it!
I couldn't do it, Sensei!
Who's the Sensei?
My butt.
Really, Sensei?
If you do it, you can do it.
Once, Sensei said it without thinking.
Then, I said "Pchi!"
If you keep it, it'll get better.
But the next morning...
Sensei came again.
Can you do it today?
He said it.
I'll do my best today!
No, Sensei, you said it yesterday too!
I can't do it! Sensei, I can't do it!
He said it.
Again, "Pchi!"
It's really bad.
By the way, have you ever pooped in this toilet?
Here?
The toilet in this hall.
You can't do it.
Why?
It's really weak.
Because of the water?
It's really weak.
That's because you poop a lot!
I have no intention of doing it.
I can't say goodbye at all.
Even though I'm telling you I'm fine.
I can't do it at all.
Even though I'm telling you...
The sound of the ship's ship is noisy!
Even if it suddenly flows out, it's really slow.
It's really slow.
It's scary! It's thick!
You're staring at it! You're staring at it!
No, it's true. It's true.
I don't have any intention of doing it.
Is that so?
Well...
I want to ask you something.
You're an entertainer, right?
When you walk down the street, you walk like this, right?
And you're wearing a disguise, right?
Disguise?
No, it's just a hat.
That's nothing!
You're just wearing it like this, right?
No, I'm wearing it like this.
No, you're wearing it like this!
It's really shallow!
It's true, right?!
I'm wearing it diagonally!
It's true, right?!
If you were wearing it like that, you'd look like a dirty woman!
You're saying that too much!
Damn it... I'm getting angry...
Who?
He's a self-conscious overbearing man!
Who?
Why?
He went to a yakiniku restaurant!
It's amazing!
Is it because you're not wearing a hat or something?!
Hey, you! Give me my hat back!
Huh? Wait!
How did you get in?!
That's not it!
How did you get in?!
It's true! I was so surprised!
Was it because you noticed and sat down?
No, no!
Or did you come in from here?
No, you're right!
If you did that, there's no way you'd get in!
You're so stubborn!
That's weird!
Think about it!
How did you get in?
The story that you used to be in Onyanko Club is very famous, isn't it?
But you don't talk about it, do you?
Actually, I feel like you're avoiding it!
When I think about something I don't want you to remember, I'm so worried I can't sleep at night.
You're one of the few Onyankos who are still alive in the entertainment world.
Tell me what happened in the Onyanko era.
P.S. What kind of person was Yamamoto Susan Kumiko?
What is she doing now?
I...
Shut up!
What do you want me to say?
"I...!" I said and went to the next room.
I went for the audition.
I didn't think it would be such a stupid story, but...
I was chosen as the second in Tonton.
What's your member number?
A-6.
Isn't that just a number? Why does it say "A" only for you?
It must have been special.
Of course, I didn't know anything about the entertainment world.
I was just doing club activities after school.
Just do as they say!
What kind of person was Yamamoto Susan Kumiko?
She...
She was a nasty person.
What do you mean "nasty person"?
She was a nasty person.
Was she being bullied?
No, she was being bullied.
By who?
Iwai...
Iwai Yukiko.
By Yui?
Yes, yes, yes.
She was being bullied?
She was being bullied.
Yui was still being bullied by Yui.
By who?
Um...
By the Prime Minister.
Oh, I see.
The Prime Minister is the Prime Minister.
By who?
Yamamoto Susan.
He's doing "kya kya kya"
Are you enjoying it?
In Doraemon's pocket, there are things like "doko demo do" and "takecopter"
What kind of things are in Matsumoto-san's pocket?
Of course there are!
- Nobita-kun... - What's in it?
- So... "doko demo do" - "doko demo do"
- "takecopter" - "takecopter"
You always say "doko demo do"!
Oh, I'm sorry, I'm sorry...
Shut up!
Are there things like "takescopter" in your pocket?
- Of course there are! - As you say...
I came here to save you!
No, I don't know!
Doraemon came to save Nobita-kun, because he's weak- minded and so on...
- I came to save you, Matsumoto-kun... - Who told you that?
The bigger Doraemon.
Big Doraemon...
We call him "Doraemon's old man".
- Doraemon's old man? - Yes, Doraemon's old man.
- He passed away a year ago. - I see.
- Did he say that to you? - Well... "Come here for a second".
- Didn't he call you? - He said "Come here for a second".
- And... "Why are you looking at me?" - "Why?"
- "Come here for a second". - "Don't look at me! Look at me! I'm looking at you!"
- "Don't look at me!" - "Come here for a second"
- "Don't look at me!" - "Sorry, I won't do it again".
- And... "Yes, what can I do for you?" - "I know you're Hamada-kun, but..."
I'm a little...
I'm a little late...
- "Hey!" - "What?"
- "What kind of goods did you use?" - "Actually, I used it at your wedding".
- "What?" - "I used it, you didn't notice".
- "What did you use?" - "That gondola".
- "That gondola is for Tama-hime".
- "What else?" - "Have you ever used any other gondola?"
- "Isn't that a fake one?" - "Fake one?"
- "Why is it a fake one?" - "That's what Doraemon uses, don't you know?"
- "Isn't it okay if Doraemon uses it or I use it?" - "After all, Doraemon is my junior."
- "Because I'm under two years old".
F*ck!
I have a question for Matsumoto-san, who used to be an ace pilot of a jet fighter.
When you're on an airplane, you're told not to use your cell phone while you're flying, but if you do, what on earth will happen to you on the plane?
Were you once an ace pilot of a jet fighter?
No!
I've never denied it!
No way.
Of course not.
You always say that!
But you do tell me not to use my cell phone, don't you?
Of course I do!
You know, you're always told not to use your cell phone while you're flying.
Huh?!
You know, you're always told not to use your cell phone while you're flying.
I don't know what "cell phone" is.
I don't know, it's like...
Oh, like this.
There's something like that.
Even if you say there's something like that in a cake, it wouldn't be funny, would it?
You wouldn't say "bing bing bing bing" like that, would you?
If you say this isn't okay, what will happen to you?
Then it's not...
What will happen to you, Shishito Joe?
Well, well, you don't have to say things like that!
But even now, it's funny when you go around in circles like that.
Well, I...
What?
That's not it! I mean, you know, it makes it hard to get something through the radio or something.
That's what you're trying to say, right?
That's not it.
Oh, it's not?
I mean, don't use cell phones even on the Shinkansen.
But that's... Use it on the railroad tracks.
Is it just because it's noisy?
It's annoying, isn't it? Is there anyone who wants to sleep on it?
But you know, it's just...
What is it? It's to prevent it, right?
Huh? What do you mean?
If you use a cell phone on a Shinkansen or an airplane, it'll be terrible.
But if you say that, it'll cause panic among ordinary citizens.
"Well, what should we do?" "Well, it's too noisy, isn't it?"
"Well, what should we do about the airplane?" "Well, I don't know about the cake, is it okay?"
That's what everyone's trying to convince you of.
But is there a real reason for it?
There's a lot of real reasons for it.
It'll be a terrible thing.
It's a coup d'etat.
I don't know about that.
What's a coup d'etat?
Well, it's not a coup d'etat at all.
It's not, is it?
I just wanted to say it.
What's going to happen?
Japan is going to go crazy.
But we can't go back like this.
Then let's say it.
You're hitting the mic! How many years have you been doing that on TV?!
Well, among the audience...
If you're about to get on an airplane or a Shinkansen,
please give it a try.
Even though you're telling me not to!
Give it a try.
The results will be out next month. They won't come out right away.
Why is it a month later?!
You'll get a lot of calls.
Did you turn it upside down?!
It's a terrible thing.
Let's say you're on the phone.
If you talk for three minutes, how many calls will you get?
About 300 yen?
Let's say it's 100 yen per minute.
300 yen.
Right? That's about it.
But if you're on an airplane, you'll get a lot of calls.
If you talk for about three minutes on an airplane, how many calls will you get?
It depends on the distance and all, but...
I'll give you 2,000 to 3,000 yen.
That's not much!
3,000 yen won't be 2,000 to 3,000 yen!
2,000 yen will come with it!
If it's 50,000 yen, it'll be 52,000 yen!
It's always 2,000 yen!
If you say it like that, people will think it's a lot of money!
What's with 2,000 to 3,000 yen?!
That's what I'm seeing with my wife's eyes!