AISubs v3.5
"Gaki no Sky Arahen" by Professor Matsumoto's "Attack on Celebrities"!
Correct!
- Teacher! - Yes?
- This is the second time. - That's right!
Since we won "Modern Science", we can't let this machine end on the first time, can we?
- But the size of the celebrities on the first time... - Yes, yes.
- Yes! - I understood it well.
- After that, guests came to my school. - Yes.
How did you know?
You were surprised?
It's not like that!
- Well, this time... - Well, yes!
- This year, we don't have enough water. - Yes, yes, yes.
It's really...
Well, it was last year, but...
It's a program where we really show the celebrities' a**es.
We don't have enough compliments.
- Last year, right? - Yes.
- Shall we go now? - Yes!
This program is brought to you by the sponsors you see here.
- Mr. Kageki Shimoda. - I'm a teacher.
- You're a teacher. - Yes.
Until now, do you have any stories like that?
- Well... - Yes.
- A story like... - Yes.
- I had an interesting dream when I was in my twenties. - Yes, yes.
- It was in the middle of spring... - Yes.
- I fell asleep... - Yes.
- I woke up suddenly... - Yes.
- I woke up... - Yes.
- I found an almanac missing...
- I looked at it like that... - Yes.
- There were wings on it, and I was waiting for this moment... - You looked at it like that?
- Yes, it's amazing... - Isn't it a wonderful dream?
- It's a dream you'll never forget. - I see!
- Let's look at Mr. Kageki's a**es. - We'll ask you a few questions.
- Yes. - Let's do it!
- You can't buy a condom in the store, so you use a translucent garbage bag. - No, that's not true.
- Yes! - Yes!
- When you chose a condom, you somehow got a UFO contact. - Yes.
- Do you feel anything like that? - Really?!
- It's like...
- Yes!
- It's like an antenna... - I see!
- I got it! - You got it?!
- Yes! - Then, please!
- It's moving away...
- You got it!
- This is... This is great! - Yes!
- This is great! - It's thin!
- Yes!
- It's thin, but the tip is cool. - Is it?
- Yes! - Is it?
- Yes! - But it's not that long.
- Oh, it's not that long! - Yes!
- I see! - It's blue and red...
- Mr. Kageki, is it like this? - Is it like this?
- Do you like either of them? - Well...
- It's like this now... - To the right!
- I see! - It's like this...
- It's like this... Mr. Kageki's a**es... - Yes!
- Then, next person, please!
- Oh! This is a man in front of you! - Hello!
- Hello!
- Good morning! - Good morning!
- Thank you!
- Oh, is that so? - Yes.
- So you've never had a ***** in front of a man, have you? - No, I haven't.
- How do you feel about it? - Well, you know...
- I've had a ***** since I was born. - No, I'm serious.
- Are you serious? - Yes, I am. I was born in America.
- I see. - It seems like it.
- He says I'm a cheater. - He says I'm a cheater.
- Is that so? - I know it very well.
- Is that so? - Well...
- When I see a little *****, I feel like throwing up.
- Why? - Yes!
- Why do you feel like throwing up? - I don't know.
- Well... - Shout it out loud!
What?
Tarayasa ***
Well, well, say it.
It's not like that.
Oh, you're into TV.
Thank you.
Please say your favorite seven-colored man's name.
Does it matter?
What? Seven-colored man? Daikoku-san?
Daikoku-san?
Oh, Daikoku-san is good.
Okay, it's out!
It's out!
Let's go!
Kuroda Asano ***
What?
It's out.
Oh!
It's out!
This is a sick eye!
It's suddenly big!
It was so big that it didn't come out from the other side.
It's number three.
Congratulations!
For what?
Congratulations!
For what?
Congratulations! Thank you for this year, too.
Thank you.
What about you?
What about me?
Well, you know...
It's bent.
The edge...
Normal people face themselves like this, right?
Yes, yes, yes.
This edge is facing the other way.
Oh!
It's futuristic!
Is it futuristic?
It's facing the other way!
I'm looking at the future!
You're looking at the future!
Oh, really?!
I'll think about that, too.
Please sit down.
When you went to Africa, for some reason you met a person you met and they translated you.
So that's what it is!
That's...
That's "no"!
"No", right?
Shout out the teacher's name loudly!
What?
What teacher?
Yume-sensei!
Yes, okay!
What is that?
Is it okay? Is it in there?
The answer is out!
Now!
The ***** in the can is...
It's out!
What is it?
The ***** in the can...
And it's yellow!
What a tough *****!
Is this Arthur's navel?
What?
This is amazing, Arthur's *****!
Look at this!
This is it!
It's so dirty!
But this is futuristic, right?
This is futuristic, right?
It's for "killing" you.
Ebisu Yoshikazu-san.
When we talk about Ebisu-san, we always see a woman's shadow.
She's nowhere to be found.
Have you ever seen anything like that?
Once, I was walking around Osaka.
There was a lookout room.
There was a man with a placard.
It said 1,000 yen.
I thought 1,000 yen would be cheap.
Did you go in?
I went in.
When I went in, a woman came up to me and said...
Can you give me 5,000 yen for showing you a good lookout room?
I gave her 10,000 yen.
She said "I'm sorry, but I don't have any change right now."
She said "Why don't you call a younger woman?"
A young woman came up to me and gave me a beer.
It's a long story, isn't it?
No, it's fine.
A little later, she said "Give me money, too."
I said "No, I already gave you money."
She said "I already gave you money."
I said "Wait a minute."
I went somewhere.
I waited there for about 10 minutes, but no one came.
She looked over there and didn't come out.
She didn't come out?
No, no, she didn't come out.
She didn't come out?
No, no, she didn't come out.
Then she came back.
She didn't do anything.
Don't make up stories!
Then...
You idiot!
You took too long!
She came back!
Well, people like Tony Evis are like that.
Let's go!
When you get on an airplane, for some reason you're treated like a pilot.
Why?
Why is that possible?
What is this?
No, no, wait, wait.
Do an impersonation, please!
Huh?
An impersonation?
Anyone is fine.
Um...
Huh?
Because the sun is burning red...
Evisola Hibari.
An impersonation.
You don't sound like him at all.
Even though you made me look like that!
Do a jump, please!
That's a good one.
(Laughter)
(Applause)
(Laughter)
We have the answer! Do you have it?
Huh?
(Music)
What is this?
This is Ebisu Yosukazu's **.
Oh, I'm scared!
What is this?
It's so big!
This is Ebisu Yosukazu's **.
It's not that big!
My head is bigger than this.
It's amazing!
Ebisu-san was scared of humans.
I was pulling this way and it was dangerous.
You should have been pulled by your own **.
Ladies and gentlemen...
I don't know... I'm really...
Today is the most annoying day for me
Yes, what is it?
It's the news article about Tospo
Ah, so this time it's disbanded
Thank you so much for coming for such a long time
No, no, it's nothing
How about this set?
That's right, that's right
I'm really surprised
It was like this before too, right?
You know...
No, I'm...
Look at you, you're always like this
What's with you?
We're disbanding!
That's not it
All of a sudden...
You're flustered
Eh?
I'm not flustered, I'm flustered
All of a sudden you're flustered
Eh? What is it?
I'm like "isn't it Nestle?"
There's one in front of me but it keeps coming to me
Yes, yes, yes
That one, that one
Ah, is that so?
Yes
Well, well...
W-what?
Well, it's fine now
Well, let's disband like this, let's fool around
Eh, you're going to find out
It's like this
You know, it's really bad these days!
Eh? What's bad?
You know...
A little while ago...
Yes?
You know...
I got removed from SM Town
That's not true!
But it's not a big deal!
How long does it take?
What?
To remove you from town
Well, about 2-3 hours
You know...
Come here!
The other day, I caught a woman in Ikebukuro
Come here!
I picked up her phone...
Listen!
That day we said goodbye
That woman woke up the next day and looked at her phone
From me...
She said "good morning"
So I...
I don't know how to put it like that!
And since she said "good morning" to me...
Why me?!
Right?!
There are a lot of people who say "good morning" to her!
Since she said "good morning" to me...
Why me?!
I don't know about that!
What do you want me to do?!
Come here, Tengu
Be selfish and leave me alone
I've been a Tengu ever since I debuted!
Why do you always come late?!
I'm not late!
That's right...
That's right! I don't want to be beaten up by you!
I don't like it!
I'm begging you!
The number of times I hit Masumoto is decreasing...
You can't do that!
You can't really do that.
Newspaper or weekly magazine, it's all one reporter's opinion.
And you write your own opinion and at the end you write "relatives"
TV relatives
There's no way you can say that!
There's no way I can say that!
All the people around me should like me!
And you think that, right?
That's why I'm saying it!
No, it's not like that.
It's better if you say you're disbanding.
If you don't say you're disbanding,
the reaction of the audience can go crazy!
Oh, really?
What day is it next year?
February 14th.
We're disbanding on Valentine's Day!
The reaction of the audience,
when you do something like this,
it makes you want to disband.
Right?
This is really...
It gets in the way of your work!
That kind of article...
When you're doing business, aren't there a lot of prank calls?
Let's see...
Oh, recently, someone was knocking on the door of my house.
A prank call?
It's him! It's him!
It's not a prank call!
Do you know about the prank call law?
If you're one of those people,
after you get a prank call, you have to call them and say,
Please don't call me again.
If you get a prank call, you can never call them again.
Oh, that's good.
That's good.
The problem is...
For example, you say...
Die.
Wait a minute!
Wait a little longer!
That's not a prank call!
Die!
If you get a call like that,
you hang up and say,
Please don't call me again.
You do that, right?
Right?
For example!
Let's say you come over to my house.
I don't have one, though.
You don't have one, though!
So you want to call my house.
You hang up and say,
Could we talk?
Did you find out?
I'd be like, "Grrr!"
"Gacha! Gacha!" I said.
But you deliberately put black tea in it.
Black tea and... you know...
Marron Glace and "gacha!" I said.
I don't really...
Tadashi-san, if you're going to prevent it, it's totally fine.
I... I'm also thinking about it, you know.
Hmm... that's good.
Well, it's my first time this year.
Yuzu, nice to meet you.
Oh, no, no, it's my pleasure.
It's my first time this year, you know.
What are you up to this year?
Hmm?
Aaaaah!
No, no!
Come at me at least once!
How is this year...
It hasn't changed much.
Have you set a goal?
You said it last year too, but it's not like that at all.
What did I say last year?
I said I'd double it.
I'm doing it! I'm doubling it!
I said I'd double it, and you said you'd double it.
You said you'd double it too.
It's not like that! I'm doubling it!
You don't know it, but I'm doubling it!
It's not like that! You guys are doubling it too!
It's not just you, everyone is doubling it!
Everyone is doubling it!
But you don't know it!
That was a miscalculation!
I didn't think you'd all double it!
I see...
I'll do it this year too.
Do what?
I'll ask you about my goal for this year.
I'll ask you.
Time principle.
Forget it.
I can't do it.
You guys!
If you came on time, it wouldn't have been good!
I'm sorry, but...
Why?
Last year too, when I was at work...
Yes, yes...
I went in at 2 and a half.
Who told me that?!
Damn it!
I went in at 2 and a half and was there at 2 o'clock.
I went in at 3 o'clock.
I went in and I was sitting.
I thought I was going to die!
It was so hot!
There was nothing!
There was almost nothing!
It was so hot!
I remembered a lot of things from when I was a kid.
You were sitting.
You need that kind of time.
Yes.
I was in the warehouse and still...
You came out 3 hours later?
I came out 3 hours later.
Yes.
Right?
That's why!
That's because of that!
You shouldn't have come out earlier!
I have a saying.
If I come out later, will the show be canceled?
That's just what you think!
What?
If I come out on time...
I don't think...
What?
(Laughter)
It's really...
(Laughter)
It's really shaking!
(Laughter)
It's persistent.
I don't know why.
That's why you should say something like "time limitation" or something like that!
(Laughter and applause)
Don't say unnecessary things!
(Laughter)
What should we do?
(Laughter)
Wait a minute. What do you mean "what should we do" now?
(Laughter)
What do you mean "what should we do"?
With this, the building will really collapse...
I don't like you guys!
(Laughter and applause)
I can't win against the old man.
(Laughter)
The old man of the "time limitation" is also shaken!
(Laughter and applause)
Hey, don't say unnecessary things!
(Laughter and applause)
(Music)
(Silence)
(Laughter and applause)
Yes, you can sit here.
Yes, yes...
You!
(Laughter)
She is the mother of the old man.
Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!
Our "skyline" collapsed.
Oh, really?
I want to fix it!
(Laughter)
Don't say unnecessary things!
(Laughter and applause)
When you saw it on the TV, it looks like you were driving a car.
Ah, I see.
Were you really driving it? Are you driving it now?
I took the license plate number and stuff...
Like changing the eye color and stuff...
Right...
But I'm not very beautiful, so I'm not driving a lot...
(Laughter)
But it feels good!
(Laughter)
So that's it for today, mother!
Yes, please go home.
No, it's still fine.
Alright!
It's still fine!
It's fine, please leave it here.
Take it out, take it out and leave it there.
I don't know what you're talking about.
Wow, that's amazing.
What about dogs? Can you swim like a dog other than dog walking?
What kind of swimming do you do?
But dog walking is just putting your ear on it, right?
Well, dogs walk like dogs themselves.
There's no way you're doing it on purpose, right?
There's nothing more than that.
You know, dogs...
Don't underestimate dogs.
Don't underestimate dogs!
Why did you say it so strongly?
I'm sorry, I'm a manly man.
Ah, I see.
So, you said it again.
Ah, sorry. Do I underestimate dogs?
You underestimate dogs!
So, there's only one other dog walking?
Yes, there is.
Then...
Will you teach me?
Submergence.
That's...
A temple, right?
I'm a manly man!
This is...
I don't know what you're talking about.
There's nothing like it.
I'm so hungry right now!
Kuwata Keisuke and Nagabuchi Tsuyoshi's fight, what will happen?
The other day, I said to Izumiya-san on that show...
If you scold me, I'll go in.
Even if you say that, you won't get beaten up, right?
Yeah.
Because I'm weak.
I pulled out "because I'm weak" and didn't say anything else.
Eh, wait a minute.
Eh, what do you mean? What do you mean? What do you mean?
I also thought of going in when something happened.
Who the hell are you?
No, no, I think you know.
Ah, Dantan and Matsumoto went in.
I think so, but...
If you say anything else...
When you look at me like that...
Who the hell are you?!
I wonder if those words can't be thrown away from you two.
There are a lot of celebrities now, but...
In the end, I'm the one who summarizes it all.
This is...
The truth, you know?!
So that's what happened?!
That's why, even if Kuwata Keisuke and Nagabuchi Tsuyoshi's fight...
Ah, wait, wait, wait!
"Wait, wait!" I'll say it.
Have you ever talked about it?
About what?
No, about Kuwata Keisuke and Nagabuchi Tsuyoshi's fight.
You've talked about it?!
That's where you came from today!
That's where you came from?!
Did you come from Kuwata Keisuke's house?
No, no, no.
Um...
Nagabuchi Tsuyoshi's house?
From Tsuyoshi's house.
I'm the one who told you to make this harmony.
That's...
How many years ago?!
Matsumoto...
Who's that?
Nagabuchi Tsuyoshi.
Matsumoto, listen to me!
What's wrong, Tsuyoshi?
Why are you shaking like that?
I'm shaking?!
I can't do it!
To tell you the truth...
I want to play the guitar!
I want to play the harmonica, too!
Matsumoto, what should I do?
Don't cry!
I see! So you're telling me to...
Put this on!