AISubs v3.5
[gunshots]
[all laughing]
This program is brought to you by the following sponsors.
We will now begin the opening ceremony.
Prosecutors, please enter.
Then, defendants, please enter.
From now on, the defendant, Umemiya Tatsuo...
will begin his trial of fraud and deception.
The defendant will defend himself, so please take your defense seat.
Yes.
Umemiya!
Today, I will expose your fraud!
Don't think you can hide it!
- Judge! - Yes.
Regarding this trial...
In addition to giving evidence...
I'm calling for a professor!
- Yes. - May I?
Yes, please.
Professor!
That guy is from Zurana!
- Professor! - Yes?
- Professor Raskin! - Yes, yes.
- Please. - Understood.
- I did some research. - Yes.
I saw quite a lot of evidence.
- First of all, I'd like you to look at the evidence photo. - Oh, yes.
- Then, please show it to me. - Yes, please show it to me.
- If you look at this... - Yes.
- I think this iron-like cutter is also loose. - Yes.
- I see. As expected of Chief Umemiya. - If you don't say a word, are you angry, you bastard?!
Well, well, Professor!
- Oh, this... - Not yet!
Oh, not yet?!
You asked for it, so I was upset, you bastard!
- This brush that Chief Umemiya loves... - Yes.
- I got this brush from his dressing room. - I see.
- This is it. - It's got a great handle!
- I took one of these... - Yes?
- And scientifically expanded it. - Oh!
- This is the photo. - Oh!
- It's 100% nylon! - Oh!
- We were surprised. - You must have lost your temper.
- Yes.
- First of all, please look at this. - Yes.
- This is it. - This is...
- When was this photo taken? - Yes!
- This is... when was this photo taken? - Oh, Umemiya, this is when was this photo taken?
You're fast!
No matter how many years ago, it hasn't changed at all, right?
Well, well, well...
That's what you say.
How is it different?
Everyone, I'd like you to focus on this area.
Between the cheeks and ears...
Yes, yes...
And I got closer to the camera.
You got closer to it, didn't you?
Yes.
And it turned out like this.
Well, well, well...
You still don't know it here, do you?
Yes, yes...
And when I got closer one more time...
Yes!
I learned something amazing!
I see...
Bang!
Gross!
What?
It's a string!
What?
It's tied up like this!
Bang!
It doesn't have a string on it today.
Well, it's for TV today.
I see...
Besides...
Yes?
I also obtained a picture of you in a relaxed state.
I'll end this.
Yes!
Bang!
How is it?
Are you really going to do it?
I said "are you really going to do it?" just now!
May I ask you something?
Yes?
How is your VTR?
Bang!
Your face is not smiling!
Bang!
What? It's in!
It's in!
Bang!
It's in!
Bang!
Why didn't you do it in one shot?
It's like the sound of a wire being hit.
I see...
This is clearly because you're ugly!
Your back is flat!
No, no...
Then, bring me the wire...
That's enough for now!
No, I'll try hitting the professor's head.
I see...
Well, judge!
Yes?
We have one more testimony VTR.
Yes?
May we watch it now?
Is that so?
Yes.
This is "burning point".
"Burning point" is this doll in front of us.
This is important, isn't it?
Are you going to make a doll of it?
(Laughter)
You bastard!
Even the dolls look the same!
(Laughter)
Umemiya-tachi's dolls look exactly the same, don't they?
Of course, they do.
That means they are reproduced as they are.
We saw that the dolls must look the same.
I see.
And when we were hiding them, that's what happened.
Wait a minute. Can you bring me the evidence?
Oh, is that so?
(Laughter)
This is it.
Well, everyone, once you pass in front of a Harajuku shop, please take it.
(Laughter)
It's like this.
(Laughter and applause)
Ah! I'm in trouble! I'm in trouble! I'm in trouble!
The defendant is rampaging! The defendant is rampaging!
(Laughter)
I'm sorry.
This is what it's supposed to be like.
Yes.
(Laughter)
And then, well, if he's a weirdo, friends and acquaintances will, of course, think that he's a well- known kid.
Well, his true form.
I see.
So I'm talking to this person who is very close to him.
I see.
(Drum roll)
No, when I say something like this, it may crack my friendship, so I don't like to say it, but I still have to say the truth.
It's a wig.
(Laughter)
The basis of the wig is that when I was young, I had a shaved head.
What?
And when I looked at it in the dressing room, I wondered what it was.
A wig with a shaved head and a wig without a shaved head, I used both of them.
(Laughter)
It looks like you don't like Kenji very much, but the reason you don't like him is that Kenji has more hair than people.
(Laughter)
This is the only reason you don't like him.
Well, uh, that's true.
Well, friends.
Friends are also wigs.
I'm telling you clearly.
Your friends are saying it.
Yes.
Right?
There's an office in Bohemia.
Yes.
A reporter is there.
I see.
He's peeking into the dressing room.
Something weird may come out of it.
Let me go there.
Yes.
Uh, this is in front of Tatsuo Umemiya's dressing room.
Umemiya-san was here earlier, so I'd like to interrupt you while you're away.
Hair!
What? Hair?
Okay!
Oh, okay!
(Laughter)
Yes, I'm sorry.
Uh, well, you're eating well in your lunch box.
Oh, it's because I'm hungry.
Oh, that's right.
(Laughter)
Oh, look at this!
Yes.
Uh, there's more hair than you need on the desk.
(Laughter)
The mattress is in a strange place.
Uh, look at the thing in the back!
Yes!
Yes, yes!
What is it?
It's like a Juralmin case.
Is it this one?
Yes, yes.
I opened it without asking you.
Don't open the camera!
Oh, okay.
The person is here.
It's weird for you to work with a Juralmin case like that.
Judge, please look at it carefully.
It's not that heavy, is it?
Oh, it's not heavy!
Yes.
I'll try opening it.
Excuse me.
It's not fair!
(Laughter)
It's not fair!
Singing, cooking, fishing, golfing, drama!
We're putting on a variety show right now!
Now, finally!
Yes?
If we don't do this, it won't end, right?
Yes!
The chart-based diagnosis we developed on our own...
Let's do that!
Here we go!
First, this!
Your wife is a foreigner!
Which one?!
Yes!
Here!
Do you think your daughter, Anna, is cute?
Yes!
Of course it's yes! It's yes!
In the past, A used to fight without a human!
Which one?!
Yes!
It's yes, right?!
It's this one!
(Laughter and applause)
It's not fair!
(Laughter and applause)
Thank you very much!
(Laughter and applause)
Now, defendant, please go to the center.
Yes...
(Laughter)
Your Honor, from what we've seen so far...
You've made a firm decision!
Now, I'd like you to issue a ruling against the defendant, Remier.
Ruling...
Execution!
(Laughter and applause)
What?!
(Laughter and applause)
Execution!
(Laughter and applause)
Ladies and gentlemen...
(Cheering and applause)
About three days ago...
Yes...
We had a 24-hour talk...
We did...
We just did it!
And you came out here and told me to talk...
What do you want me to talk about?!
(Laughter)
Yes, yes, yes...
You're amazing...
You're an I.B., aren't you?!
(Laughter and applause)
Yes...
You're talking about old times again...
But you know, I was surprised.
About what?
24 hours of talking and I was exhausted!
Yes...
I was about to die!
That's a relief...
I was so exhausted that I thought I was going to die!
That must have been tough...
So I went home and slept like mud!
You said you were bowling the next day, didn't you?
(Laughter and applause)
Are you a one-night stand kid?!
(Laughter and applause)
You went to Hakone for a different show, didn't you?
Yes, I did...
Everyone went to see the ending...
I joined in about evening...
You joined in about evening, didn't you?!
That's the limit! I thought I might not go!
Before that, everyone said they were going to a bowling competition...
I said, "I can't go..."
I played for about three years...
Are you a one-night stand kid?!
(Laughter and applause)
I thought you were somewhere!
(Laughter and applause)
I haven't played for 24 hours, so I don't know...
But I still feel refreshed!
"Ah, I'm down!" I'm sure you're thinking!
Two hours, three hours, four hours, five hours...
I'm already an ordinary old man!
(Laughter and applause)
Right?!
I haven't seen you play in a while!
I'm like... "Bah..."
(Laughter and applause)
That's right...
At first, you were watching me...
And then...
In the middle of the night...
You gave me curry for dinner, didn't you?
When you get to that point...
You get sick of it...
I'm sick of it...
"Line up!" I said...
And I gave you the curry...
And in front of me...
There's this guy...
He's already staring at the curry!
(Laughter and applause)
Are you mad?!
Get used to it.
Get used to it!
I was wondering if you were going to stare at me for a little while when I was getting the curry.
But you just kept staring at me.
(Laughter and applause)
No, really.
And I've been dating you for a long time.
I've been dating you for a long time, but you don't look at me like that.
Because you feel bad.
We're both the same.
I've been looking at you for 24 hours.
Do you feel bad?!
(Laughter)
I'm serious!
(Laughter)
Wait!
I'm tired of looking at you for 24 hours.
And I'm thinking of staring at you in the car.
But you just keep staring at me!
(Laughter)
Do you feel bad?!
(Laughter)
Oh, you're staring at me, too!
(Laughter and applause)
And you just keep staring at me!
(Laughter)
You're crazy!
(Laughter)
You're funny.
You're really lively today.
I'm glad you came.
Why didn't you sit behind me?
I don't know.
You came in front of me and said "Kato, Shimura!"
(Laughter and applause)
Who said that?
(Laughter)
Who said that?
You said "Shimura, back up, back up!"
(Laughter)
Nothing happened!
(Laughter and applause)
What's that guy who said "Shimura, back up, back up" doing now?
Well, well, well.
Genji, don't do it.
Are you some kind of manager or something?
I'm not like that.
Well, let's go home.
You're in a good mood.
Are you sleeping?
So, I came back on Sunday.
I slept for five or six hours.
And I played bowling.
And I played golf the next morning.
Why?
I can't stand it!
Wait a minute. What do you mean you can't stand it?
What do you mean you can't stand it?
Do you want to live?
I don't usually sleep much.
Do you want to live?
No, I want to live.
Do you want to see everything?
No, I want to see.
Do you want to eat everything?
I want to eat. I want to hear. I want to lick.
There are many things you want to lick and only one thing you can lick.
What is it?
I want to lick it.
You can lick it, but you can't eat it.
Are you a chef?
You can't sleep for more than eight hours.
You'll get a headache. Isn't it like that?
Not at all.
Because I slept for three hours in the car on my way home.
And I went home and slept until about twelve.
And I slept until about six.
And I slept for nine hours like this.
And I woke up for about an hour and ate.
And I went to bed at about seven.
And when I woke up again, it was already five o'clock.
You'll get a headache.
No, not at all.
Because I've slept for twenty-three hours.
But you wake up in the middle of the night, don't you?
Oh, I've woken up once.
Oh, you haven't.
Don't remind me of it!
But you wake up in the middle of the night and eat dinner, don't you?
Oh!
Of course you haven't.
No, no, no. I've never woken up for twenty-three hours.
Couldn't you have woken me up? You've slept too much.
I don't know what you're talking about.
I only sleep alone.
Because, you know, when we sleep together, we feel uncomfortable.
Why is that?
Because we sleep with our eyes open.
You know, even a hundred people's love wakes up when you say that.
So, you know, we sleep like this.
It's crazy.
A thief will definitely break in.
You're awake, aren't you?
I'm going to be a great friend.
No, I'm serious.
You've slept for twenty-three hours, haven't you?
Oh, you're right.
Well, you know...
You're late.
I'll write it again.
No, you've written it a lot.
I'll write it again.
No, I'll write it with my left hand.
Do you remember?
I wrote it.
Work out!
That's enough for you.
But you are fine, aren't you?
Maybe you won't live long.
- Really? - Yes.
That's impossible.
You can't catch up with that kind of sleep.
To whom?
So you haven't regained your tiredness.
You are always tired.
(cough)
Don't turn your neck!
- This one? - No, no, no.
- This one? - No, no.
Why is there a board in a kamaboko?
Well, if you look at how it's made, you'll know.
Kamaboko was made about 4 or 5 years ago.
- No way! - Yes, yes.
- Before that, there wasn't a board. - No way!
You must have worked with a kamaboko board!
No, no, no. That's not it.
It was like that in the past.
- 4 or 5 years ago! - I'll tell you why there are boards now.
5 or 6 years ago, flooring became popular.
Since then.
Who do you think you're talking to?
A kamaboko will come looking for a room!
Kamaboko will come looking for a room!
What's that? Kamaboko without a board?
That's right.
What do you think?
Even if you put out a tatami mat, it's no good. I don't need it anymore.
They...
There's a theory like that.
A theory?!
Also, I think you're misunderstanding something about kamaboko.
What do you mean?
Kamaboko is that kind of creature.
Kamaboko is swimming like that.
It's like a deep sea fish.
When you pick up a kamaboko, you have to dig it up with a board.
You have to pick it up with a board.
You have to scoop it up.
Everyone has picked up a kamaboko once or twice.
When should you take off your arm pillow when you sleep with your girlfriend?
The color has changed.
I'm sorry.
Before you say that, are you going to take off your arm pillow?
If you're going to do it, you should do it.
It seems like you're being manly.
You have a kind side.
Don't hold it in until it tingles like that!
No, no, I mean...
If you do it, then...
Somehow, Hama-chan's image has gone crazy!
Oh, is that so?
Yeah.
What if the color changes?
No, I mean, there's no one who would do it until it tingles like that.
I mean, there are people who don't wear arm pillows and say "no", right?
Oh, is that so?
No, I mean, there are people who don't wear arm pillows and say "no", right?
I mean...
Oh, is that so?
What, what, what, what?
There's a face like this.
I mean...
Look, it's like this, right?
What are you doing?
Don't tell me you're holding a wine glass!
I... I do have one, but...
Hey, you're holding a wine glass and wearing arm pillows!
How do you drink that?
When it's about me, it's amazing, you know?
What is?
You put on a new one first, right?
Yeah.
Take it off and put it back in.
What's with you?!
Shut up!
Once it comes out...
Why does it go "bang"?
What's with you?
No, no, no...
It's good!
Where do you sleep?
In your room?
No, in my house.
But...
But you're already home!
Well, I'm exploring...
What kind of clothes are you wearing?!
Are you wearing boots?!
Boots, boots, boots...
Boots like these?!
Take this one...
And put it here...
And this one...
Hey, wait!
Both of them are too long!
Open it up!
And then...
Take this one...
And...
You're already home!
I am!
You're not home yet!
And...
Take this one!
For now...
And...
What are you doing?!
Wait, wait, wait!
It's a little cold!
Wait, wait, wait...
Wait, wait, wait!
Wait, wait!
What is this?!
W-what is this?!
You're too dazzling!
What's that?!
B! B! B!
Ah, B!
B! B!
B!
B! B!
You're both!
And! Go home!
Wait!