AISubs v3.5
After this, in Downtown's "Gaki no Tsukai Arahende"...
It sucked!
In the third episode of "Gaki no Tsukai Arahende"...
Tsukishige Karamaneko hits...
Nante!
Thank you!
This is the third time.
This is the third time, but we've always been talking about men.
This is the first time we're talking about women.
Today's guest is terrifying.
Please bring it in.
This is it.
What kind of clothes is this?
What should we do? She's a woman.
Since she's a woman...
If you ask for it, it's 50 points.
If you kiss her back of the hand, it's about 20 points.
What is this hand? A cheek?
It's a hand in the middle of the cheek.
If you kiss her mouth, it's over 50 points.
Can you kiss her mouth?
You said it.
I don't know.
Can you think of anything else?
Let's dig up her shoes.
Digging up her shoes is not a bad thing.
It's not a bad thing.
If you dig up her shoes, it's about 10,000 points.
Is it more expensive than a kiss?
That's right.
What else is there?
If you throw it.
If you throw it?
If you throw it around her neck, it's one point.
If you throw it, it's one point.
I'll go home.
Anyway, I can't participate.
If you can put her body in a translucent garbage bag...
It's 20,000 points.
I'll go home.
Let me tell you how to do it.
Let's say you start dancing lightly.
- Who? - Me.
- You? - Yes.
- Okay. - Yes.
Let's start dancing.
Good evening.
I'm Masumoto of DOWNTOWN.
I'm Hamada.
Today, we have...
Actress Mari Kaga.
She's our senior.
I think she has a lot of things to learn.
Let's ask her questions.
Today's guest is Mariko Kaga.
Good evening.
I'm famous Mariko Kaga.
Good evening.
You look like a lawyer.
What do you mean?
I don't know what you're talking about.
I'm Catherine Deneuve of Shellebore.
What are you talking about?
It hurts.
You always say that.
How can you say that?
I'm fine.
Have you been standing for a long time?
Please sit down.
I'm fine.
Be careful of your eyes.
Today, Mariko Kaga will talk about her self- reflection.
I don't want to talk about it.
Why not?
I'm still 15 years old.
I see.
How long have you been an entertainer?
I've never felt it.
But you debuted when you were a teenager, right?
Really?
Yes.
Since when do you think you've been doing it?
No, I...
You didn't start when you were 50.
But you've been doing it for a long time.
What?
It's normal for you to be like this.
You're disgusting.
That's enough.
Ouch!
What's wrong with you?
No, no.
That's enough.
Thank you very much.
You're disgusting!
You're making fun of me!
I'm sorry.
You...
What are you doing?
You're amazing.
Ouch!
I'm sorry.
I'm really sorry.
You...
I want to talk to you.
Do you have any toys?
No, I have my own.
Did you buy these shoes?
Can you show me?
No.
Please.
No.
I don't like you.
Show me!
No!
Show me!
Ouch!
I'm sorry.
Let me wear it.
You...
Stop it!
You're making fun of me!
I'm sorry.
What did you do?
I'm sorry.
Well, when we talked about Kaga-san earlier,
the translucent garbage bag became a hot topic.
Did you complain about it?
Huh? Huh?
Did you complain about it?
No, I didn't complain about it, but it's already prepared here.
This is what it looks like.
You're not supposed to play with it.
Don't play with it!
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
You're not supposed to play with it!
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
Call the producer.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
Well, well...
That's right. Kaga-san just complained about it.
I complained about it.
Do you have tea?
I don't want it.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Do you have anything else?
No, I don't.
What is it?
Oh, Kaga-san, this is...
Wait a minute.
What's this?
This is a weapon.
It's a weapon.
Wait a minute, Kaga-san.
There's something on it.
Wait a minute, Kaga-san.
Kaga-san!
I'm sorry.
I was tired all morning.
Well...
S-shall we go home?
You never let your guard down.
Y-you...
While I'm pouring tea over here, what are you doing?
Don't you want to touch it?
It's fine, Yu-chan.
Let's hold hands.
Oh, I don't like holding hands.
You don't like it?
No, it's fine.
I'm not used to it.
She's putting a lot of effort into this.
This is amazing.
Let's take a break.
Let's take a break?
Just glass.
Oh, really?
This is...
Do you have bad eyesight?
No, I don't.
But you're wearing fashionable clothes today, aren't you?
What?
What are you doing?
Hey, what's wrong with you?
You're carrying me.
Should I throw you?
Should I ride you on my back?
Um...
Thank you.
This is amazing.
Thank you very much.
You're holding it properly, aren't you?
What am I supposed to do from now on?
I don't know about that.
Thank you very much.
That was Ms. Karamura!
Result announcement!
Now, the tough battle is over.
I'm sweating like crazy.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I'll make sure Chibikku doesn't copy me.
No way, no way.
Now, let's announce the results.
Yes.
Let's start with Mazumosu-san.
Yes.
Let's see it.
Mazumosu-san's score is...
Here you go!
Oh! 1390 points!
1390 points.
Well, Zero-san's score is...
Here you go!
1390 points!
Oh! That's amazing!
Now, my score is...
Here you go!
3580 points!
No way!
Why?!
But, you know, Mazumosu-san,
the big one is only 10,000 points.
That's all it has in it.
No way!
Even if it shrinks, it only has about 50 points in it.
I see. Why do you have 30,000 points in it?
Well, you know, I forcefully threw my shoes in it...
I see.
And I put a plastic bag over it...
No way!
That's why my score was pretty high, wasn't it?
Yes.
Yes, yes, yes.
That's how it is.
Is that so?
So, you only had 10,000 points in your one pair of shoes.
The rest was just Mr. Kawa-san's touch.
So, it only has about 50 points in it, right?
That's right.
I threw my shoes in it...
That's all it has in it...
Well, you know...
That's about it, isn't it?
That's enough, that's enough.
Thank you for coming.
You know...
It's been a while since I've seen you, and I've been wanting to say it!
This isn't something that just happened.
I forgot your name when you came out of here!
Of course you'd say it!
Why didn't you say anything?!
You probably thought about it for a long time!
You know, you're not going to be picked up by people like them.
Because they don't have anything to do with it!
They don't care at all about what people in the modern entertainment world have done!
That's true.
You can't think about it like that.
Won't you say it?
Won't you say it outside?
So, who are you?
Why are you talking to me?!
It's a cab! It's a cab!
I'm talking to you naturally!
I just noticed and was having a little tea time.
I don't know, I'm just...
Well, well...
I think you're popular, too.
I'm popular, I'll say it.
Really?
Yes.
You know me, right?
In a group...
The vocalist is fat and ugly with mini-scars and...
I'm a vocalist!
Is it that bad?
Look at me!
But you're pretty popular.
I'm popular.
You can tell just by looking at me!
Why is it that musicians who are popular are all ugly?
Ugly...
No, I'm not...
I'm not saying this to everyone!
Oh, I'm sorry.
That's how you say it.
No, I'm not!
I'm not saying it!
You just said it!
You're wrong.
I'm not wrong.
You're attacking people you don't even have a chance to meet.
Wait a minute!
I'm not attacking you in that sense!
I know you say I'm ugly, but...
I'm not saying it!
You're just saying it!
Lately, you've been acting like you're ugly, but I don't think you're ugly at all.
No, no!
I don't think you have that kind of personality.
No, you seem to have that kind of unpleasant feeling, but...
Well, well...
That's what you say.
I'm not ugly, okay?
Oh, really?
What makes you unhappy when you watch TV?
I don't know...
I don't know what you're talking about...
No, no!
Why?
He keeps saying I'm ugly, but...
He's not ugly at all!
I'm telling you!
Wait a minute!
What, what, what?
You know what you're saying, don't you?
I know what you're saying.
You're just saying it because of how you look on TV!
That's not it! He's an unpleasant guy!
You remember, don't you?!
A long time ago, about six or seven years ago...
Of course in Tokyo or in Osaka, when we weren't known at all...
That New Year's program "Hit Parade"...
Ah, yes, yes!
You did it in Meiji Jingu.
In Meiji Jingu...
You made us do manzai in front of a lot of people passing by.
That's right, that's right!
Before that, you should have told us what kind of manzai you were going to do!
We wouldn't have said it if you hadn't said it!
But you said, "Hey!" didn't you?
Didn't you? You even said "six"!
You said, "Good morning!" didn't you?
You were really polite, weren't you?
You've changed a lot, haven't you?!
You've changed!
You've changed! You've changed!
You've changed!
And when I went to CX, no matter what they showed me, it was like this back in the day, you know?
It was like this back in the day, you know?
And what did you say?
Baseball jokes are the ones you like the most.
You wanted to do a baseball joke, didn't you?
Well, that's fine and all, but can you do a joke that's not a baseball joke?
"Huh?! Why is that?!" I asked you.
You were wearing it.
I'm going to do a baseball joke.
You were wearing it.
That's why I'm telling you guys to go home!
That's not their fault!
It's their fault!
Why is it my fault?!
It's that rotten comedian's fault!
No matter what you do, if you don't give me a joke...
What's wrong with you?!
And on that day, New Year's Eve, I went to Meijingu and I was already on stand-by.
Early in the morning...
It was about an hour ago.
It was about an hour ago and I went to Meijingu in such a hurry...
Now that you mention it, you don't think about it, do you?
I don't think about it.
If I did, I'd be like a microbus and it'd come and I'd be like...
What are you talking about?
I'm serious!
It's fine like this.
I don't know, like this...
It was amazing!
I'm serious!
It's fine like this, but it's not true at all!
That's not enough!
It's not enough...
What? It's me! It's me!
I said good morning!
I'm older than you!
Right?
And I'm older than you!
But I said good morning!
What are you doing?
You're not going to make me another one of those?
You're annoying! You're annoying!
You're scary!
Are you dancing or something?
You're annoying!
You're noisy!
There are different ways of saying "manzai" in the toilet, right?
Yes, yes.
It might not matter to the viewer...
Who goes first? Who goes first?
Who goes first?
I'm older than you, but it's humiliating.
I get hit first.
I'm not allowed to say anything other than "baseball jokes".
I've received quite a few of them.
Now, you #$%*!
Baseball jokes!
You're making me say jokes!
You're late!
You're not even saying hello!
You're making me smoke!
You're smoking!
Now, what kind of joke will you make me say?
I want it!
I was surprised.
But it's not a big deal.
I said "thank you for your hard work" but I was surprised again.
What are you doing?
You came here before I came!
Give it back!
Don't make me laugh!
That's the only reason I can't say "how about him?"
Why? Why?
He was popular when he came out and he was like this but I don't know why.
I really hate this kind of people.
Right?
I hate this kind of people.
What are you talking about?
It's me!
Are you kidding me?
I said it once before but I don't know it because I didn't cheer for him.
I said "thank you for your hard work" once.
Did you say bad things about me?
No, I didn't say bad things about you.
You said it.
You always come to me.
You're strong.
I'm strong.
I caught you at the dressing room.
I hate you.
He's always like this. He's shadowing me.
Hey!
What?
No, no.
It's just a motive.
You're older than me but...
It's just a motive.
It's not like I said anything bad about you.
It's not like you said anything bad about me.
I may not be able to say it but...
I may be able to say it but...
I'm going to fight you.
From now on?
Yes.
You're going to say bad things about me.
I'm not going to say it.
What?
For now...
For now I'm not going to say it.
Next, KamaSan is going to say it.
You didn't say it at first!
I'm going to say it next!
Do you even know what will happen when you make me angry?
You're here.
I told you.
KamaSan, are you going to say it?
I'm going to say it.
It's the third time.
You're such a brat.
If you do it with me, you will be an adult and a baby.
I see.
If you do it with me, you will be an adult and I will be a baby.
Pachi!
Are you Yutaro?
Be careful from now on.
I'm sorry.
(Applause)
This is because I'm bad.
Because you said it.
Yes, because I said it badly.
Because you said it badly, I was angry.
I didn't say anything to you.
Of course.
On the contrary, if you say something bad about me on TV, I will...
Wait a minute.
Don't say you didn't say anything.
This is me.
At that time, I was...
(Applause)
(Music)
This is a picture of a museum in Victoria Museum in Canada.
What kind of person is this?
This is me, right?
Yes.
Look at the person next to the monitor.
It's similar, isn't it?
I'm not ugly, but the monitor is ugly.
(Laughter)
This is similar.
It's similar.
Well, you know, is my Masa okay at that time?
(Laughter)
Today, I have a question for Matsumoto-sensei, who is the worst in Japan, so I took a pen.
Oh, well, answer it.
From autumn to winter, I often see birds flying in a V-shape or Y-shape line in the west sky.
Does it have any meaning? Is it a code for people?
(Laughter)
I say it because I write like that.
(Laughter)
I say "what is it?" and it's over.
What do birds want to say to humans?
No, no, I don't want to say it because I don't write like that.
Do birds fly in a V-shape or Y-shape?
Yes, they fly in a group. It's a modification of birds.
What?
(Laughter)
No, it's not.
What? It's not?
(Laughter)
It's a trend of the year.
(Laughter and applause)
Why do birds fly in a V-shape or Y-shape?
It's fashion.
Fashion?
Yes.
It's a trend of the year of the V-neck.
Birds tell me about it.
It's a trend of the year of the V-neck.
No, no, no.
(Laughter and applause)
Thank you for your time.
Ah...
Well...
What?
You...
You save a lot of money, don't you?
(Laughter)
You were comparing your savings just now, weren't you?
Did you just say "my father is also a woman"?
(Laughter)
No, no, no.
This is...
You...
Ah! I know what it is!
What is it?
It's what you were doing in Shimodaka Station!
(Laughter)
That's right!
(Laughter)
Ah! Is that so?
(Laughter)
I'm sorry.
I'm really sorry.
(Laughter)