AISubs v3.5
Turn on the f***ing switch!
The first time in Gaki no Tsukai Arena, Chikishiki will become Downtown Houtenshiki!
Hello!
This is weird, isn't it?
Today, on this stage, on Gaki's stage,
young people other than us will be sitting.
It's the first time.
Today, we'll do a survey for you girls.
Let's do it.
I'll explain what it is.
It's a little complicated to explain, but...
Well, everyone...
Here we have something like a formula.
And here...
Famous entertainers...
Well, I won't say they're famous.
We'll put it up here.
For example, the first problem is "plus", so...
"Zero", "two"!
Hey, you shouldn't be so careful!
If you're a girl...
I'll do it!
To make it easier to understand!
Right?
From now on...
Let's see...
Right?
For example, look!
Super-famous entertainers...
My favorite, Mutsugoro-san.
And my admirer, Izumi Pink.
Isn't an admirer usually gay?
For example...
If you want to be hugged...
If you want to be hugged by Mutsugoro...
You want to be bullied...
Right?
It's effective!
Now it's your turn!
My turn!
Are you ready?
Let's go!
If you want to be hugged by Mutsugoro...
If you want to be hugged...
One more time! Switch on!
Yes?
I won't give you this number!
No, no, no!
I won't show you!
This number is different!
We're collecting numbers!
No, I won't show you!
If you want to be bullied by Izumi and Pinko...
These two numbers should be zero!
That's why I wrote this!
Is it zero?
It's zero!
I can't stand you!
Well, well, well...
If you want to be bullied...
You should have been an idiot!
Right?
If you want to be bullied...
What are you talking about?!
Well then, everyone, let's look at the results of the statistics we got earlier.
We'll look at the results, right?
Yes!
The results, one, two...
Boom!
Satan!
What are you thinking?!
Ah, that means...
Either one of you thought of something!
Eh?! Do you want to be bullied?!
Well then, where should we say it?
Yes.
Should we say it in a good place?
Ah, I'm sorry, but...
Let's say it like this.
That's good!
Right?!
Let's say it like this...
I'm Masatoshi, too.
Let's say it like this!
Oh! I see!
Right?!
Yes, yes, yes.
This one's easy, too!
Nagamura Masatoshi wants to be bullied!
Wadabeni doesn't want to be bullied!
Yes, yes, yes. I see.
I want to be bullied.
No, there are quite a lot of people! Fifty people!
I... I don't like it.
I don't want to be bullied!
Eh?!
Ah!
What are you talking about?!
Ah! Nakamura Masatochi doesn't want to be hugged.
If that's the case, it's obvious, isn't it?
He doesn't want to be hugged.
If that's the case, it's obvious.
Wadaben doesn't like it.
How can you say that?!
That's just how you look like!
How can you all think like that?!
I said I don't want to be hugged!
You can say you want to be hugged!
Right?
That's right, that's right.
You can say it.
You can say it, right?
You can say it.
Right.
Then, let's see the result!
The result is... one, two...
Don!
27 years old!
Wadaben doesn't like it!
Let's see the next one.
Ah!
It's not easy.
As I thought, you brought me here.
I'm shorter than Makise Riyo.
Yes, yes.
Kiku!
I'm not shorter than Inogi!
Then, let's see the answer!
Go ahead!
Minus eight years old!
Minus eight years old...
That's not what I meant!
There are many people who are not shorter than Inogi!
I'm too old!
Of course you are!
No matter how you think about it, you're wrong!
You're not shorter than me!
What's with you? You're so stupid!
If you're going to do it, let's do this one.
Gwarizan.
This one is difficult!
This one is pretty big!
Really?
In that sense, it's me, right?
Yes!
You're getting better and better.
Yes, it's interesting.
You're getting better and better.
Yes.
Yes, yes.
So, what does this mean?
It's a simple story.
I want you to hug me.
Yes, right?
You want me to hug you?
Yes, you want me to hug you three times more.
This is interesting.
The closer I get to this answer, the more frustrated I have to be.
Let's just watch it.
OK, action!
0.6?
What does 0.6 mean?
Does it mean there are a lot of toys?
That's good!
0.6.
Ladies and gentlemen...
You're not an old man who does manzai, but you have a dull heart.
You have to apologize to today's guest.
Why?
Today's guest came last week, but when he came back, he came again today.
Really?
Yes!
Is it a new guest?
It's not a new guest!
I'm glad you got it right!
Go home!
And come back in a week!
I didn't know that!
I feel sorry for you!
I don't feel sorry for you!
Each of you should have a cream bun.
You should have a cream bun.
You should have a cream bun!
Seems like you're making a lot of money!
You and I are nothing but different!
Please take good care of us!
You're getting on my nerves!
I've been talking a lot about you since you came out!
Please take good care of me!
I've been doing this show for a while now...
and there's only ever been a difference of 220,000 yen!
If you ask me where you can find that 220,000 yen difference...
in a cream bun!
I don't like cream buns for so many people!
Give me back my cream bun!
I don't like it!
Why not?
Since we've been doing this show together...
I don't like it when there's a difference in money!
I don't like it when there's a 220,000 yen difference!
That's not it!
In that case...
I'm terribly sorry!
I'll put...
110,000 yen in my envelope!
I'm really sorry!
Why are you sorry?!
You idiot!
Because of you!
That's not it!
There's a lot of things!
You shouldn't be calculating like that!
Well, well, well...
Well, you're right...
I don't like taxes...
since you don't have a family.
Even so...
we're working in an office together...
and we're doing it equally...
and we're making money in the office...
In magazines...
you write your expectations...
from taxes...
and other expectations...
and your income...
Yes, yes...
In my case...
I'm told a lot more than my expectations...
In his case...
you're making more money, aren't you?
You idiot!
You're saying the same thing over and over again!
You're telling me to do it equally?!
What's going on?!
Don't take it off! Don't take it off!
Don't take it off because I'm complaining!
Even if I make 100 million or 200 million a year, that's a given.
I'm amazing, you know.
Even the clouds are different.
They're all round.
What are you saying?
I know, but...
They're all round.
I know.
I know that expression, but...
I'm amazing, you know.
Even fruits...
I only eat avocados.
You don't eat them?!
You only eat avocados?!
That's...
That's how I am.
Oh, is that so?
I get watermelons in the winter.
Because you have money?
Because I have money.
Can you bring me watermelons?
I can bring you watermelons.
Oh, come on!
You're lying!
Of course I am.
You're lying!
I don't have money or anything like that.
My house is in the Persian Gulf.
The other day, I watched that TV show.
I've seen it at least once.
It's such a moving show.
The Yellow Handle of Happiness.
Oh, you've seen it.
What's so moving about it?
That guy from Takakura Prefecture...
He's such a bad guy!
Oh, is that so?
He's such a bad guy!
He's arrogant and all!
Oh, is that so?
That guy, Takeda Tetsuya...
He met Momori Kaori...
Um...
And they go for a drive.
They go for a drive in Hokkaido with their new family.
Oh...
If that's the case...
If that's the case, Takakura Prefecture...
They were sitting somewhere by the beach...
Excuse me, could you press the shutter?
That's how they met.
Could you press the shutter?
That's what they said.
Right?
That's also arrogant!
It's like a greeting.
Instead of riding it, "Iska!"
What the hell are you talking about?
They ride it and get popular!
Right?
And Takeda Tetsuya is arrogant about it.
He rides it and gets popular.
And on that night, the fishing boat stops.
And Takeda Tetsuya approaches Momokaru.
And Momokaru says "No!" and drives it away.
And then...
All day long, they ride it and get popular.
Chima Yusaku...
Bang!
Stop it!
What do you think you're doing?
Oh, you're angry because I'm noisy?
You're noisy, so you're angry!
If you want to do it like that, do it outside!
Bang!
Ride it and get popular!
And then...
The next day, when I thought they were going by train,
Takeda Tetsuya is behind me again!
No, that's...
No, that's not...
You're a bad guy!
I don't know about that, but...
Oh, is that so?
That's right! I came all the way here and sent you to the station, Takeda Tetsuya.
But Takeda Tetsuya sent you to the station, didn't he?
That's about two hours before the train arrived.
Oh, and he came back from Kanika...
He came back from Kanika and came back to Takeda Tetsuya!
He came back from Kaniko!
That's also Momokaru's people!
When I realized it, Takeda Tetsuya also came back from Kaniko!
And then, Momokaru and Takeda Tetsuya came back and got popular!
Get popular until morning!
Bang!
So you can't ride a car anymore, Momokaru?
That's not how you say it!
You said 'get popular until morning'!
It's true!
Watch the video!
I did! I did! I know about that!
But in the end, you stopped riding the train and got popular again.
Can I say something?
I want to go see if your wife is wearing a red handkerchief in that video.
Red? You don't look like her!
I want to go see if your wife is wearing a yellow handkerchief in that video.
What are you talking about?
She's a nice woman, isn't she?
Let's go, Yuu-san! Are you ready?
Are you ready?
We're going to your house in a car.
Stop us in the middle of the way!
There's no way you're saying that!
Stop it!
"I'm scared," you say and look at me.
No, you should look at me!
"It'll only make you feel bad," Tetsu says, but you're giving me an opinion!
Huh?!
You're still looking at me!
There was a yellow handkerchief like that!
What's up with you?
"I'm fine," you say and look at me!
"I'm bored," you say and look at me!
"I'm a crab," you say and look at me!
There's a "I'm a lobster," you say and look at me!
"I'm a crab," you say and look at me!
Pah!
That's a lie!
So, he got caught up in something and got drunk.
He grabbed a drunk man's head and smashed it into a rock and killed him.
Right?!
So, he went to jail.
He regrets killing people.
Right?!
On the way, he got in a brand-new family car and saw Tako Hachiro coming out of it.
Tako Hachiro screamed, "Repent!"
He grabbed Tako Hachiro's head and smashed it into his family car's hood.
Repent!
How dare you say that!
Recently, many media are talking about Futaka Ozaki, but in my opinion, he and Matsumoto Hitashi don't look like them at all.
"Hitashi"? Who is that?
Do you know his real name?!
He seems to have a sharp and naive personality.
He also looks like someone who is working hard for comedy.
If Ozaki is a teacher in his teens, then Matsumoto Hitashi is a poor hero.
Compared to the Osaka period, his skin is a little rough, and soon Matsumoto Hitashi will no longer be in this world.
I don't feel like I'm alive because I thought I wouldn't be able to ask him about his reasons for being where he is now.
I don't know if you've done a thorough examination of him.
Sometimes...
I think it's boring to die of illness.
I don't think it's boring.
I want to die when I'm about forty.
You'll die at forty?!
I'll die at forty.
I've already done everything I wanted to do.
Really? You did a lot of things.
I've also written songs that are still in everyone's hearts.
You're lying!
No, no, everyone's...
I'm not lying!
No, it's me, it's me, it's me...
You wrote a song? What did you write?
I am...
That's you!
There was a "this" in Japanese TV!
But I wrote that song.
That's not a song!
You know, everyone...
For example, it's not bad at all for me to burn up in my forty-year-long life rather than live lazily until I'm eighty.
You're still burning up!
I've done everything!
Um... what was it...
- A guitar and crossing over to America... - That's enough!
I really... um...
Mick Jagger and...
I want to hold a guitar and be carried by a rolling stone.
That's the only name you know!
Are you stupid? Tell me!
I don't know! I don't know anything like that!
Tell me about the members of the rolling stone!
I don't know!
You're so cool! You don't have to be like that! You're dressed like an old man!
Please tell me.
Mick Jagger. I'm a vocalist. Do you know?
Yes, I know.
So?
What did you say?
The members...
The vocalist is Mick Jagger, right?
Yes, Mick Jagger.
Please tell me about the other members.
You want me to tell you about the members other than Mick Jagger?
Yes, yes, yes.
And what do you say about the other members?
I'll teach you here, so please tell me.
Oh, and...
I'll say the names of the members other than Mick Jagger...
You're lying!
No, I'm sure of it! You're wrong!
Yes, yes, yes. That's it.
Is that okay?
Is that wrong?
No, it's not wrong.
I'll review it one more time.
Hahaha!
Well, I don't listen to much of Rolling Stones.
You're lying!
My first album was like this...
What did you sing?
Well...
Nice to meet you, Rolling Stones...
No, no, no!
Nice to meet you, Rolling Stones!
Here you go, here you go.
Thank you.
I didn't ask you.
I love you.
What's this? I want to ask you this.
What is it?
I want to ask you this.
What is it?
What is the bundle of thread on the corner of the button?
Hahaha!
What is it?
I want to ask you this.
That's...
Well...
How can I explain it to you?
If there wasn't a thread...
A thread is a thread, isn't it?
No, it's not a thread!
What did you say about a thread?!
It's not a thread.
If it's not a thread, then what is it?
What are you out for?
Why can't you leave this place?!
That's for you to eat!
(laughs)
I can't help laughing like that.
I don't like it when people think I can't leave this place!
But you can say it!
Right?
Everyone is waiting for you!
Waiting for me? Waiting for me?
What are you saying?
Waiting for me?
It doesn't matter how you say it.
Waiting for me is waiting for you.
What do you mean "waiting for me"?
I'm not an idiot!
Let me explain why it's hard for me to answer.
It's because the question itself is wrong.
No, it's not wrong at all!
You know...
I thought it was a thread coming out of here.
It's not a thread.
It's not.
Then what is it?
It's a cushion.
(laughs)
What?!
I know it's a cushion.
It's a cushion.
This is...
(laughs)
This is the cushion.
(laughs)
I'm scared of you!
(laughs)
I'm scared of you!
What do you mean?
That's why I was wondering what you were saying!
You!
(laughs)
There's one thing I want you to tell me.
It's about the tie on the ring.
Why are you wearing it?
(laughs)
Isn't there something like that?
This...
It looks like it hasn't been decided yet.
(laughs)
That's because...
(sniffs)
(laughs)
Why not? (laughs)
I mean...
Two people do some kind of exorcism, right?
(clears throat)
Right?
At that moment you have to break and laugh like "gaah!", you know?
Yes, yes, yes.
"Cho-cho-cho-cho-cho-cho-cho-cho-cho-cho-cho-cho- cho- cho-cho-cho-cho-cho-cho-cho-cho- Cho-nectar," you know?
(laughs)