AISubs v3.5
It seems customers won't come today, so let's make it a signboard, shall we?
Well, I was busy today, too.
It's been three months since he left this house, and he hasn't done anything wrong.
How can he be the best comedian in Japan?
I hope he becomes the best speaker in Japan.
It's like a dead end.
Oh, no!
You!
I just kicked you.
What do you mean you just kicked me?!
Don't even call me!
Come on, it's been a while. Give me a drink.
You... you're drinking again?!
I said give me a drink!
I don't drink anymore!
Shut up!
All right, just one.
You! You're taking my money again!
What's wrong with you, you idiot?!
I can't take that money!
Shut up!
You! Actually, I have something to tell you!
Inside of me...
is your baby!
My baby!
Snow falls on a quiet corner of a northern city.
Tears fall.
A happy woman cries.
A cold night wind blows.
I want to live with a happy man.
Even such a small dream...
can't reach my heart.
Big brother, I'm your big brother.
What are you looking at?
I've brought the finishing touches.
I love you!
- I've done it a few times. - Oh, you have?
I've done it a few times, but I'm sorry for today.
- It's tough. - I'm sorry, Komuru.
I feel like I'm going to collapse.
I'm sorry for today, but it's true.
But I get excited when I talk about something.
- Yes, yes. - I managed to get out of it. - It's strange, isn't it?
Today is...
- Please forgive me. - Please forgive me.
- More than anything...
- What? What time is it now? - It's ten o'clock.
- What? - It's ten o'clock. - Go home! Go home!
Go home!
Lately, I've been...
I don't know where or how it happened, but...
- At home? - Yes.
Only...
- Not only? - Not only. Only it happened.
- What's the cause of it? - I don't know.
- I don't know where it came from. - Isn't it here?
No, it's not. It's not a branch, is it?
No, it's a white fruit.
No, it's not. I found it.
- No, I don't know. - I only know about it.
Do you know how drunk my family was?
It was amazing!
My father-in-law...
- What's that? - That cat...
- Your father-in-law? - My father-in-law's cat...
It was full of drinks.
- Yes. - He said, "There must be a reason."
- Oh, that's the cause of my family's drinks. - Yes, it is.
He said, "There must be a reason." And he put hot water in a pan and...
He said, "You can't put it all in your mouth."
- "You can't have water in your ears." - I see.
"Or you'll die." And he put it all in his mouth.
For a while, he was drinking with his brother.
I still can't forget it.
Drinks all over his body and on his face...
What if it gets into his ears?
What if it gets into his ears and he dies?
That's right!
Even if it gets into his ears and he dies, it's not scary at all!
It's like flying up into the sky!
Wow! It's huge!
I love it!
Wow! It's huge!
But it's no joke.
I've never been hurt that badly.
I've never been bitten that badly.
That's right!
It happens to me all the time!
Why? Is it because you're dirty?
You mean my body?
Yes.
If you're saying my body is dirty, you're the one who's dirty!
Why?
No, it's not about you being dirty or anything like that.
If you're talking about everything you've done so far, you're the one who's dirty!
Are you stupid?
I'm really sorry about that.
It's nothing like that.
No, it's nothing like that.
It's pretty serious.
It's nothing like that.
Don't say things like that.
What?
It's not like you're laughing and hitting people.
You're like an angel!
It's not like you're laughing and hitting people.
I told you to do some research because you kept saying things like that.
But you just wouldn't listen.
You said, "How much did you spend on this?"
I spent 2000 yen.
The wallet,
You have a wallet on the set?
"The wallet," you said.
If you do this, you're going to get caught!
You're so bad!
That's what I do!
Don't say things like that!
You shouldn't say things like that!
Why are you getting so angry?
It's not that bad, so why are you getting so mad?
What's so funny? You did it, didn't you?
No, I didn't. I didn't steal any money.
I was playing a game of baseball.
When I left my house and went back home, my hat flew away.
You didn't push it?
That's right. An old man punched me from behind.
The hat flew away and you were like...
It flew away and you were like...
Stop it!
That's why I'm not mad about what you just said.
I didn't say you stole any money.
You idiot! Think about who just appeared.
Me, you, the old man, you, the hat and the money.
That's all you can think of right now.
You're the one who did the worst thing.
You got punched by me, didn't you?
What did I do?
You got punched and your hat flew away, didn't you?
That may have been bad for the hat, but it wasn't bad for you.
Really?
If you think about it, I'm not bad at all. I'm the best, aren't I?
Well, you know...
You're the worst.
I'm not bad.
Who's bad?
You are!
Of course you are!
Who's bad?
You are!
No!
Who's bad?
It's not me!
Who is it, old man?
Two thousand yen?
I don't have any money!
What's wrong with you?
I wanted to hit you a little more, but you stopped me.
You should have said "one more time", old man.
"One more time"? I didn't hit you!
I didn't hit you!
No, you said "one more time", and I might have hit you.
One more...
You've never hit me before.
First of all, I'm sure I'll be taken in by that world.
You'll be taken in by that world?
I'm sure I'll be taken in by that world, old man.
When I'm taken in by that world, first of all, I'm sure I'll become an angel.
I know that already.
When will you become an angel?
I know I'll become an angel, or rather, I know I'll go to heaven.
I don't know if you'll go to hell or not, but you've come to the wrong place.
In my opinion, humans are born with certain points.
And if you do bad things, you lose those points.
It's like a license.
Let's say you have 5,000 points.
Where do you get 5,000 points from?
From life.
If you don't use up those 5,000 points and die, you'll go to heaven.
You only have about 900 points left.
Me?
Yes.
Here.
I mean, you stole 1,500 yen when you stole gasoline.
I don't want it!
You don't know how to talk properly, do you?
Why do you say that?
Your feet stink, so you get another 500 yen.
My feet don't stink!
Your feet stink!
Don't say that! I've said it before!
Your feet stink!
I said it!
Your shoes stink!
Your feet stink!
Let me get off!
I always watch you two on TV.
About my father...
One day, he met a foreigner on the road.
He stepped on a foreigner's foot.
He shouldn't have apologized.
But my father said, "thank you!"
What did you think of my father?
What did I think of him?
I went to LA the other day.
The coordinator was there.
He could speak English.
He could understand Japanese.
He went out and packed his things.
He was a strong American.
He said, "thank you!"
He came back and said, "did you see the plane?"
Yes, I did!
Are you OK?
Yes, I am.
Foreigners in Japan should learn Japanese.
You don't have to study it.
I don't need it.
In a few years, I think the world should be all in Japanese.
Actually...
I think the world should be all in Osaka dialect.
I'm serious!
Osaka dialect is the best.
I don't know how to say it.
Can you help me?
I don't want to help you.
Help me!
I'm begging you!
I'm tired of this! Help me!
I have to do something about this!
Don't you think so?
Do you think so?
Of course I do!
I think I should do "All Over the World" in Osaka dialect.
Now, listen to me when I was 18 years old.
Go Hiromi was still a celebrity when he went to the swimming competition.
About ten years ago, I think.
When I was watching the competition on TV,
Hiromi was swimming like a man.
The moment the underwater camera caught him,
I saw his nose water coming out of his nose.
Wasn't he swimming?
At that moment, he was swimming with his usual smile and ease.
I realized my childhood dream.
Hiromi and idol are "nose water".
It's weird, isn't it?
It's a fixed concept.
It's weird, isn't it?
I see.
But Hiromi is human, too.
He didn't even show his nose water.
But, you know, those people have different faces and looks.
Well, yes.
It's good to cry when you win an award,
but you shouldn't cry in front of an idol singer with a dirty face.
What I shouldn't do is...
When an idol singer's "nose water" comes out of his nose,
my dad will wake up, won't he?
"All over the world" in Osaka dialect.
How many times have you seen it?
When an idol singer is crying in a short skirt,
and when an idol singer is looking at a girl with a gas mask,
it's not good.
If you don't do it right...
Where did it go?
Yes, it was there.
It was there.
Where did it go?
I forgot where it went.
It was there.
That's it. Maybe it's...
Where did it go?
It's...
It's somewhere...
It's...
It's definitely there!
It's there!
On the previous broadcast,
the story of "Masao, buy a giant and go home right away, father"
was published in the newspaper.
Yes, it was.
It's quite an old story.
I also found something amazing.
Yes.
Picky Kyoko
I understand how you feel. Please contact me.
Papa, mama
"Papa, mama" means a daughter?
It's a daughter, isn't it?
You're calling your daughter "Picky Kyoko"?
No, it's "Picky Oyako".
It's "Picky-san's house".
You're calling her "Kyoko", aren't you?
No, it's "Picky Kyoko".
Your son calls you "Picky"?
That's right. It says "Papa, mama",
but "Papa, mama" is...
That's right.
It says "Picky" in Katakana?
That's right.
What kind of story do you want me to tell you?
If you were a couple,
you'd call each other "Picky Kyoko".
But isn't there
something else
before that?
"Kimura Picky Kyoko"?
Even if there is something like that,
isn't it strange?
No, there isn't.
There is no "Picky Kyoko" like that.
There is none like that.
Aren't you a comedian?
No, I'm not!
That's why I think that "Picky Kyoko" was given that name.
While she was born...
This Kyoko...
Kyoko is...
No, no, "Picky Kyoko" is...
Okubo "Picky" Kyoko.
I'm glad I'm saying this.
You're saying Okubo "Picky" Kyoko, right?
Yes.
I'm saying Okubo "Picky" Kyoko.
We're friends!
No, this is the problem. "Picky" Kyoko is a name.
If you say it like that...
I asked my parents "Why do you call me "Picky" Kyoko?"
But it meant...
Do your best.
In which sense?
It meant "Do your best."
That's "Picky"!
I said "That's "Picky" Kyoko!"
But she didn't hesitate and jumped out.
I know how you feel.
Call me.
What are you saying?
How can you say that?
Why can't I say that?
But "Picky" Kyoko said "I know how you feel."
Call me.
Mom, dad, call me.
That's all I can say.
At grandpa's funeral...
Grandpa's nose hair came out of the coffin.
I was curious and pulled it out.
I was stimulated and went home.
It's a lie!
It's definitely a lie!
It can't be!
Grandpa's nose hair came out of the coffin!
I was stimulated and pulled it out.
It's a lie!
It can't be!
You know...
This happens often.
You know...
Grandpa died, right?
Grandpa was buried.
But he was buried.
He was buried.
But his nose hair came out more than I thought.
What kind of nose hair?
He usually had a lot of cotton in his nose.
His nose hair was as white as Tsundaku's.
He was white.
But you know, if there was a Death God,
when this old man died,
this old man would be wrapped in a veil.
He would be angry like that. He would be tied up.
If his nose hair was very long, he wouldn't be tied up.
Do you see it? There is a membrane here.
There is a foreign object that jumps out of the membrane.
When this was pulled,
this was just in between the old man and the old woman who died that night.
When this was pulled, the old man would naturally...
Look at me now.
Look at me.
Here, here.
He would naturally...
Shut up!
I'm sorry I said that.
I'm sure there is something like that.
Even if you think you're dead, you should try different things.
You know...
You know what happens when you get into a car accident?
You bump into something and your head hits something.
You're angry and you can't say anything.
Your brain...
If you hit your head and you're about to collapse,
you should call for help.
You should be desperate.
Even if you're stuck.
You should call for help.
That's why I was reading a book about people who survived.
What is it about?
When I realized it, I was walking in the dark.
There was a light in front of me.
As I was walking, I heard a voice calling me.
It was me.
What should I call you?
Don't call me like that!
You're not dead!
Don't call me like that!