AISubs v3.5
(crowd cheering)
Listen! Listen!
It's a little weird today!
The theme is...
Is this "patch pro"?
What is this?
I'm going to play a game.
Today, it's "Hurry up, Gunkan".
Yes, yes.
It's a show where Sekine-san says "hurry up", right?
Yes.
He's doing it at a certain TV station.
Yes.
It's a bit of a transformation of that show.
Oh, is that so?
You're so cool!
(crowd cheering)
You're so determined!
It's like...
It's okay, right? I'm really into you.
You're so cool!
Yes.
I'm frustrated!
(crowd laughing)
Right? Is it okay?
Yes.
So, um...
At first, I'm going to be the answerer.
Yes, yes.
You're going to give me a question.
Yes.
So...
Let's give him the question first.
I'll give you the question.
Okay.
I'll give you the first question.
I'll be here.
So, Hamada-kun is going to answer.
Here's the question.
Hamada thinks of Matsumoto as a comedian who hates Yoshimoto.
There are five of them.
If you get all of them within the time limit, you win.
Okay, let's go.
Is Yoshimoto a comedian?
Ready...
Start!
Here it comes!
Kind!
Wise!
(crowd laughing)
Um...
Fun!
(crowd laughing)
Um...
Kosei Midori!
Um...
Marianne!
(crowd laughing)
Um...
I hate!
Nogawa!
Momoko!
Three of them.
Um...
(crowd applauding)
Thank you.
You don't hate me, do you?
No, I don't hate you.
No, I think you hate me.
You think you hate me.
I don't hate you.
I don't hate you, but...
But...
But there was a situation like this.
Let's say you were me.
I was me when I debuted.
In the hallway...
I'm Dantan Matsumoto.
That's right. And in the hallway, it's just you and me.
There's no one else.
And we met in the morning.
I'm Nikaku Shou.
I'll say hello.
Yes.
I'm Dantan Matsumoto.
Yes.
Good morning!
There was a situation like this.
But it didn't mean I hated you or anything like that.
I just want to say that there was a situation like this...
Um...
...for everyone in the Kanto area.
In this episode, we will be providing these sponsors with the following content.
- Next question. - Yes.
- Well, um... - Question...
- "Famada's Habit". - "Famada's Habit".
- Is the answer correct? - Yes, it is.
I don't like it. It stinks.
Ready, go!
Um...
Don't put out the fire of cigarettes.
Huh?
Um...
Smoke.
Um...
Draw a nose.
Um...
I don't think about my body.
Huh?
I don't think about my body.
A woodcutter!
Um...
Tie it to my right!
Huh?!
Wrong!
Two points!
Isn't it easy?!
Slap!
I can do this!
You can do it, right?!
This guy's slap is really...
Right?!
Usually, you slap when you're angry, right?
This guy's different!
Right?!
Let's go to the next one, shall we?
Let's go to the next one.
The next question I have for you is...
Okay!
Matsumoto's favorite type of woman!
Let's go! Ready...
Start!
Kikuchi Momoho!
Kuro Yuki!
Are you reading Japanese?!
What I'm saying now is...
Kuro Hitomi!
Huh?!
Toharu!
Who is it?!
Morita!
That's right!
Also...
Konno Misako!
Huh?!
Let's take a look.
I think I know who Morita is.
Okay.
What's this?
Here you go.
The smell of fire.
Huh?!
There's one more.
That's convincing!
What's the last one?
Are you kidding me?!
These are my...
...favorite...
...types of women.
Types of women.
I see. But you have one point now.
Yes, yes, yes.
The last question.
Yes!
Here's the question.
What kind of show do you want to quit?
"Digger", of course.
Of course you do, but...
The show you want to quit, what are the answers?
"Izuzu"!
You've done seven regular shows in Tokyo Opera.
"Izuzu"!
Almost all of them!
Well, it's okay.
"Izuzu"!
Here we go.
Ready...
Start!
"Dance, Dance, Dance"!
Let's see...
What is it?
"Yantan"!
Let's see...
"If We Met In A Dream"!
"Itomo"!
"Saki no Kikai"?!
It's a show!
What is it?!
I don't know!
It's like...
"Izumi to Isho na Yatsu"!
"Dance, Dance, Dance"!
That's correct.
Let's look over here.
"Dance, Dance, Dance"!
So that's what it is!
Isn't it?!
Here, take a look!
Look!
"Ladies and Gentlemen"!
Well...
Well, today...
Hamada-kun is coming out a little late, but...
Today...
Usually, a talent is someone who pays for their stylist's clothes.
If you like it, you pay for it and buy it.
You really want it.
Well, Hamada-kun likes today's clothes, too.
So he's going to buy them.
Hamada-kun's fashion makes you think it's definitely going to be his stylist's clothes.
Well, everyone, please take a look.
Hamada-kun!
Wow!
That's amazing!
Oh my, your sleeves are the same even before they are cut!
Huh? Where did my ray gun go?
No matter how cute I am, this is nothing for me.
Even though there was nothing, the show continued to...
- ...begin, but... ugh... - Ugh... do I have to do this?
This is also pretty expensive, but if you take it off, it's like this.
Well, well, today, with this...
What are you doing?
It's a great hat, again.
How is it?
I thought you would like hats, so I prepared this hat for you.
What is this?
You can open and close it like this.
Is it okay?
It's the best.
It's really the best.
I can't get enough of it.
I'll do my best today as well.
I'm a little dizzy.
Really?
I'm not feeling well today, but I'm feeling fine.
Why?
My head hurts.
Why?
I don't think I can go on like this.
I have to think of something.
What do you mean?
What?
What do you mean?
If you work at this pace, you'll probably die.
I'm not doing anything to die.
You are.
I'm not.
You are, you are. I'm doing a lot of work.
You don't have to worry about me.
Monday.
Friday.
Tuesday.
Wednesday.
Wednesday. Wednesday. Wednesday. Wednesday. Wednesday. Wednesday.
Wednesday. Wednesday. Wednesday. Wednesday.
It's no use doing nothing on Wednesday.
If you met him on Saturday night, it would be the next Saturday, you're off.
We may be off on a Sunday.
Of course we're off on Sundays.
That's your fault, isn't it?
Is it wrong? Is it wrong for me to like this?
No, it's not wrong.
If you spend time and work hard for it, there's nothing you can do about it.
There's nothing I can do about it. It's something I have to do.
But you've been doing it all day, so it's hard for you, isn't it?
I said I like this, but I didn't say anything else.
I went shopping with a girl and said I like this because I like it.
What did you say?
Shopping is a lie... Swapping is a lie, you know?
Anyway, don't you have anything for three days?
Like a special edition or something like that?
I always have something.
I mean, you have it, so you don't have anything for three days.
You're thinking about it for three days.
You're stupid. You don't move.
You've been in Tokyo all the time.
We move. Osaka, Tokyo, we move.
Calories and energy you use on this three-hour bullet train.
You can't use calories.
Even if you use energy...
If you think about it like that, you'll get tired.
I think that getting on a three-hour-fast train is definitely bad for you.
If you were on an airplane, you could go in an hour.
What?
If you were on an airplane...
That's faster, so you can't go any faster.
But in terms of time, it's shorter to get on for three hours.
Leaving yourself to the train and going forward at incredible speed is definitely bad for you.
Is it?
It's definitely bad for you.
People in the past didn't do that.
They'd get on a carriage or something like that for a long time.
You can't do that now.
It's better for you not to get on such a fast train.
I guess you're right.
But you need more time off.
Can I ask you something?
Yes.
How many more days do you want to rest?
Yes, I want to rest five days out of one week.
That's how it is.
You rest three days out of five days, right?
As you know, if it were me, I'd rest two more days.
You can't do that.
You can't rest like that forever.
Why not?
Do you want so much money?
That's a dirty way of thinking.
I don't want money or anything like that.
You'll hate me if I walk out and pay you a thousand yen, right?
Of course I'll hate you.
What is it? What is it?
Pick it up!
Pick it up?
I'll pick it up!
I'll pick it up! I'll pick it up!
Why do you pick it up?
It's weird.
No, it's not weird. Your intonation is weird.
You still do that, don't you?
I do it at home all the time.
Ah, my wrist hurts.
Wrist.
If you say that, I won't say anything!
Wrist!
No, my wrist hurts.
Really?
Ah, my stomach hurts.
Stomach!
My stomach hurts!
It's not "stomach"!
It's "stomach", isn't it?
It's "stomach hurts", isn't it?
Come on, let's all speak Osaka dialect.
No, really, really.
Osaka dialect is good.
The representative one is "ichiba", right?
Ichiba, ichiba, ichiba.
What do you say when you go to buy bangwan?
You say you go to the supermarket, right?
You say "ichiba", right?
That's "ichiba", isn't it?
You say "market", right?
You say "supermarket", right?
That's weird, it's "ichiba".
I went to "ichiba" today.
I went to the supermarket, but I didn't go to "ichiba"!
You say that!
Why?
There are many "ichiba" like "chuo ichiba" and big ones like that.
That is also "ichiba", but you say "ichiba" including all of them?
I don't say!
If you come back from a party and say "Oh, I'm hungry, are you hungry?" I'll make you dinner right away and I'll go to "ichiba" for a moment.
That's right!
That's "ichiba"!
That's right!
You push something, don't you?
Yes, like this, you know?
You know?
It's like this!
It's not like that!
What?
It's not like that!
If I say "it's not like that", where will you go?
You say it! You say it!
I've been saying it for a long time, what I can't forgive, what I can't forgive the most is "kana bun"!
That is "kana bun"!
"Kana bun" ? What is "kana bun" ?
It's "boss bun" !
"Kana bun" !
Yes, "kana bun" is "boss bun" !
Hey !
Don't laugh !
I can't deal with you guys anymore !
You guys are "kappe" !
Osaka is a human after all !
That's why I think...
Osaka and Tokyo people get married a lot.
I like you for that.
Why ?
Everything gets mixed up.
I don't know what you're talking about !
Everything gets mixed up...
Osaka dialect and standard language get mixed up...
and a new word is born.
I see...
I'm exhausted today !
I'm just saying it mixed up.
Like "mangana" !
"Today I'm going to "mangana" !
And we move on to the next step.
What is the next step ?
If Japanese people communicate with foreigners...
"This is a "pendengana" !
It's a little painful...
Let's move on to "hagaki" !
"Hagaki" doesn't have much meaning...
Oh, it came out on its own !
Hello !
Please sit in the middle.
Are you a model again today ?
What's your name ?
I'm Yoshimura Nishiko.
How old are you ?
I'm 20 years old.
What's your biggest weakness ? Your hair ?
Yes, I eat a lot !
I eat a lot of hair !
Thank you very much !
This person's pen name is "If you get drunk, it's Rurai Rurai."
On a radio show the other day, Matsumoto-san said in a question "If you were to die for this person, would you have any friends?"
that you could at least protect your loved one and your partner, but is that true?
Even when I'm in danger, I can only sing Matsumoto- san's singing style of running away by myself.
Is this my selfish imagination?
No, I'm sure everyone thinks so.
What do you think, Hamada-san? Do you think Matsumoto- san would die for you?
It's rude of me to say this.
Um, I'm Ohagaki.
What's rude about it?
I'm a person who really cares about love.
That's why I can definitely protect my loved one and my partner.
It depends on the situation.
What do you mean?
Let's say you're involved.
What kind of person am I involved with?
Huh? Is there anyone involved with me?
This "ra" quarrelsome person involved with me.
What kind of person are you?!
What do you mean "ra"?!
For example...
If you're holding a knife...
I've never been afraid of a knife.
Well, if you have a girlfriend like that...
Yeah, like that.
Huh?
You're holding a knife.
Oh, that's a knife!
It's a knife! What's it got to do with you?!
Wait a minute! How long is that knife?!
Huh?!
I'm asking you how long it is!
If it's this long, it's probably been stabbed before.
If you ask me that, you can't tell me the truth, can you?
It's this long.
It's probably been stabbed before.
Is it this long?
Well, let's say it's this long for today.
Let's say it's this long for today.
It's been stabbed!
Yes.
But wait a minute.
No, it's not.
You don't have to say anything.
There are a lot of people like that.
That's what weirdos are like.
It doesn't matter who it is.
It just happened to be in front of me.
Oh, it's true that weirdos like this are weirdos.
Ah!
I'm going to wrap you up in love.
At a time like this.
It's stabbed to the root.
What are you going to do?
Wrap you up in love.
Why?
Is there a truth behind this?
There is, but I'm going to wrap up that poor girl like you.
I'm going to...
No, I'm going to wrap you up in love.
What?
I'm going to wrap you up in love.
Is that the pattern?
You have to protect girls, don't you?
Yes.
Wrap you up in love.
What are you doing?
What kind of big show is this?
What is this?
It's like a festival.
Just kidding.
Leave it to me.
I'm really good at telling the truth.
It's like we're in a mansion.
What do you want me to do?
Can you fall down like that?
I can fall down like that.
What?
I can fall down like that.
If you say it like that, I can't do it like that.
You can do it like that.
Tell me about that knife.
What about the pistol?
Oh, the pistol.
The pistol is the easiest for me.
Die!
Bang!
What are you guys doing?
Anyway...
Yes, yes.
It's over for today.
What? It's over for today?
The show is over for today.
Oh, the show is over for today.
It's over for today, but...
Well, let's face the spring again.
Yes.
Can you face the spring?
Let's face the spring.
Let's face the spring...
Well, the spring festival is coming soon, so...
Shall we have another event for the show?
What?
Why?
It's hard.
One shot with the aurora, right?
You...
In the spring...
You're always good.
That's enough.
What?
Let's play the punishment game we played last time.
Fan... Gather...
Oh!
When I was a young girl, I used to play it a lot.
It's my father's invention.
That's nice.
I don't know what I'm doing.
And...
I want to be like Mr. Rasaru Ishii.
A talent.
I want to be like him.
Like Hagaki Motenguri.
I want to be like him.
For example, who do you want to be like?
If it's a big star...
Then...
Mori Ogaki.
You're lying.
I knew it.
For now, everyone...
Please give up.
I can't use you.
Next time.
Goodbye!
The assistant and the talent are waiting for you.