AISubs v3.5
Ladies and gentlemen.
Oh, you're energetic again!
I'm energetic.
You know, when I stand up...
When I stand up, I have a good pose, but...
I don't know if you're watching this show, but...
I don't show my audience at all.
No, but it's the first time you've done that for me.
Thank you. I'll hit you later.
Yes, yes.
I went golfing the other day.
Yes, yes.
I went.
You went. Was it in the middle of it?
Yes, it was.
You did it.
Yes, I did.
I want you to watch it today, but...
I don't know if you like it or not until you watch it.
I dare not say anything in no comment, but...
Then say it! I wanted to say it! Say it now!
You should listen to various stories before you watch it!
Ah, it's here.
That's what you think, right?
What is it?
You're dirty.
He's really dirty!
That's all I want you to say.
Wait a minute! What's dirty is not what you say!
You...
At first glance, my music looks like it has a lot of guts.
But...
I want you to know how dirty his music is!
You know...
When you say you're going to play golf...
And you go up like this...
Stop it!
You can't do that!
That's because you said it to me first!
I didn't say anything.
If you try to hit me like this...
You're going to hit me?
Oh, no! You're not going to hit me?
You've been saying it all along!
You're not going to hit me?
I'm not going to bite you.
You didn't do it, and I didn't say it!
That's all there is to it!
What's dirty about it?
"You're not going to hit me?" and "pfff" don't have any impact.
Is that possible?!
You said it first!
You said you weren't going to hit me, and now you're complaining about it!
You're a human with a tooth shape who can't play golf!
You're not going to hit me?
This program is brought to you by the following sponsors.
Let's watch the match. I'm sure there are various opinions, so I'll ask you later.
Please see the question.
This Umekichi side is a little...
I'll burn you!
This is a golf course.
Everyone's playing golf here.
Right?
Let's go.
Welcome to "Chiki Chiki Penalty Game" at Gaki no Tsukai Arahen!
Golf Match Play!
Let me explain the rules.
What are they?
There are five rounds.
The one who scores three points first wins.
If you lose, you have to go to Kuren-san's place and wait for him in the locker room.
So a pro goes into my house?
Yes.
Just two of you?
Yes.
And I have to put you in my place too?
You have to put me in your place?
Yes.
And today, I've been stopping you all night.
Yes.
Umekichi...
That name is enough!
Yes, yes, yes.
Go further in.
Have you ever played golf before?
I've only seen it.
You've only seen it?
Yes.
You've never played it before?
Yes.
Umekichi, you'll only use it once.
And you'll aim for the first hole.
Until you hit it.
Until you hit it?!
I've hit it so many times!
But you know, Umekichi isn't an ordinary old woman.
I'm not an ordinary old woman?!
You're not an ordinary old woman.
If you look closely, you can see it.
Umekichi, you have a little mustache.
That's Umekichi.
Umekichi's First Hole
Is this it?
Seriously?!
I'm pretty good at this.
You're crazy!
Nice one!
What the hell is that?
In this serious sport...
It's empty, right?
Yeah!
Here we go!
I wanted to say that.
Oh, it's out!
Bro!
Nice one!
I can't do anything.
But will this be the seventh shot?
If it's the seventh shot, no one will know.
They know!
No! Where did you hit it?!
Don't fall!
I fell!
Nice one!
Hey, you.
Yes?
Mark it.
Yes!
Huh?
They sell guns here.
Hey!
You're the one who marked it!
In the foxhole.
You're in trouble, boss.
Is it over?
- Oh, it went over there! - It's a brawl.
You're really something.
- Nanita-kun. - Yes?
I'm going to use a chance card.
Please come to the brawl.
(Brawl)
Oh, it's Meigetsu-san.
I can't believe someone like you is appearing in our show.
I'm really sorry.
- Now, instead of Matsumoto-kun... - Me?
- Yes. - Yes.
- This is sudden, but... - Yes.
- It's at the red flag. - I know!
- Yes, I know. - Please sing "kono haizara" at the red flag.
- It might be easier for me to shoot. - No, no, you don't have to do that.
Please listen to me.
- Oh! - Nice shot!
It's in, it's in, it's in...
Fall! Fall!
- Oh, it's in. - Nice shot!
Thank you very much.
(Brawl)
Hey, did you guys see that?
Did I run too fast?
It's six, so...
Three, four, five, six.
Right?
What do you know?!
- Hurry up. - Alright, alright.
- This course looks complicated. - I don't believe you!
You don't like it, do you?
- It's empty. - Hey, stop it!
- You! - You're really dirty!
- You're the dirty one! - Let me do something!
Your poo is the worst.
No, you're cutting it!
Oh, I got it!
I'll leave it here.
- It's a miracle shot. - Really?
THE END
Ouch, ouch, ouch!
There, there, there...
That really hurt.
You won at this stage.
What?
Gun.
You hit me five times.
I'll put this in.
Poop, poop, poop, poop.
Newton.
What are you doing?
Let's use umeboshi.
Umeboshi.
What kind of man are you?
You.
You look happy.
Please.
Umeboshi.
No bullets.
It's big.
It's not big.
It's big.
It's not big.
It's fun to pull out.
Umeboshi, do it slowly.
I don't want to see you.
What is your girlfriend's intention?
That's enough.
I'll do it later.
Oh, Eve?
What's this?
Oh, it's a little heavy to turn.
I left a good one.
This is difficult.
What if I put this in?
OK, I'll never put it in like this.
Even if you do, I'll be in trouble.
- Anyway... - What?
- It's over. - It has nothing to do with you.
- You're dirty! - Are you still playing? You're persistent.
- You're dirty, really. - Anyway...
- Matsumoto-kun, you get a penalty. - Why do I get a penalty?
I only played golf. I enjoy playing. Why do I get a penalty?
- Would you like to go to Sanji-san? - Who is that?
- Katsura-san. - I don't know him. I've never seen him.
- No, he's our senior. - I don't know him.
- Katsura-san is missing. - Shut up!
- Anyway, Matsumoto-kun gets a penalty.
- Thank you very much. - Thank you.
- Thank you, Umekichi. - Thank you.
- Thank you very much. - Thank you.
- Thank you very much.
- It's funny, isn't it?
- But you know what? He's dirty!
- What's dirty about it?
- I think you were pretty good for a first-time golfer.
- No, I managed to do it.
- But you know what? Umekichi... - What do you mean "dirty"?
- You're teaching him too much details. - No, I'm not!
- You shouldn't have made Umekichi do whatever he wanted!
- Well, he's been playing golf for a while now.
- But before that, he was so persistent!
- "Umekichi, do like this! Do like this!" He made me do it all the time!
- You know the group I was playing before? The foreign group?
- Yes, yes.
- And even when the foreign group was playing...
- "Umekichi, that's not right! What's wrong with you?!"
- The foreign group said, "Hey, stop it!" And they got angry.
- They were so angry...
- They spoke Japanese all of a sudden!
- Thank you.
- Let me introduce you. This is Bullzord.
- And this is Morisato.
- And this is...
- Chisato Asano.
- And...
- A driver's license and...
- Huh? What's this?
- A first class driver's license?
- A car license? - A first class driver's license.
- Oh, I see. - Yes. - Well, it means you're in good health.
- What is it? Why are you taking it off all of a sudden?
- Well, you know... - Oh, I see. - It's a rule. - Oh, I see.
- I don't have any intention of doing it. - If you like sports, you should do it.
- Oh, but thank you very much. - Yes.
- Oh, you're taking it home? - Oh, thank you. - Yes, I'm sorry. - Goodbye.
- So... - Yes.
- The other day, I was blowing a blackboard and my nail hit it and it made a "kiii" sound.
- Everyone told me "die", "idiot" and kicked me.
- I don't hate it, but why do you hate that sound so much?
- Do you two hate this sound? By the way, I hate it when I put a spoon in my teeth.
- I mean, it hits you, but you don't hate it, do you?
- You know, when you drink something, you say "kan" sometimes.
- Oh, you mean "kan"? - Yes. - I'm sure you've heard of it.
- Oh, no, I hate that blackboard "kii". - What are you talking about?
- I don't hate it, either. - Shut up!
- And you hate "kikkan", don't you? - What?!
- "Kikkan", "kikkan"... - What do you mean?
- There are so many things humans can't stand. - Yes.
- I mean, if you put an ice cube here, you'd hate it, wouldn't you?
- So, why do you do that?
- Why do you put an ice cube in a place like this in your everyday life?!
- What?! - What do you mean "what do you mean"?
- I mean, why do you put an ice cube...
- There are quite a lot of things you can put an ice cube in here!
- When do you put an ice cube in a place like this? - What do you mean "what do you mean"?
- I mean, you don't have to ask me again!
- Why do you put an ice cube in here? - Putting an ice cube in here is a daily occurrence.
- Absolutely not. - It's a daily occurrence.
- You know... - Yes?
- I mean, what are you doing drinking ice in a place like this? - No, no, no.
- I just wanted to comment on your joke. - Oh, thank you.
- Well, I'm a first-year middle school girl who loves you, Hama-chan. - Oh, I see. Thank you very much. - I have a problem.
- Just like you, I smell like you. - You smell like me?!
- He's the one who says I smell like you! - Have you ever smelled like me?!
- You bastard!
- What did you say? I'm the only one who says it?! - That's right.
- You're the only one who says it! - What are you talking about?
- Look, I'm lying, but I'm saying it! - But you're the only one who says it! You smell like someone else!
- I just got used to it. When I first smelled you...
...I thought you had poop on your nose!
I thought you were weird!
- Oh, I didn't know you smelled like me that much. - I didn't know you smelled like me that much!
- You nostrils are so busy!
- What? My nostrils are so busy? What's going on?
- People who've never been here before are trying to get in, so your nostrils are full of scrum!
- That's amazing!
- It's like you're trying to get in!
- Stop it!
- This is amazing!
- Seriously!
- How much do you smell like me?
- You can't speak Japanese at all, foreigner!
- It's the same as before!
- If you smell like me that day, I'll say you smell like shit!
- That's instinct!
- Instinct!
- I thought you smelled like shit!
- That's right!
- Children who've never spoken before are still...
"Dad!" "Mom!" Children who've never spoken before are still...
Wow! It stinks in here!
That's how it is.
But I get why you're so stubborn.
That's enough!
Why?
Because in the end, you'll show your stubbornness.
For example, what?
For example, your grandmother is in a traffic jam and can't cross the street.
You'll pretend you didn't see that, right?
Not at all.
What will you do?
I'll pull her hand.
I'll never do it.
I'll never do it with you.
You will.
What?
What will you do?
Nothing.
What will you do?
What do you mean?
That's what you just said!
What will you do if your grandmother is in a traffic jam and can't cross the street?
What will you do?
What will you do if your grandmother is in a traffic jam and can't cross the street?
She won't cross the street.
What will you do?
She won't cross...
She won't cross the street.
That's what you said!
What?
That's...
She will cross the street but won't cross.
That's what you said!
If you say it, I'll go home.
I'll go home.
You know, it's a normal road.
Yes, road, road.
Sometimes, cars...
Suddenly, there's no old woman.
Yes, there is.
I can't go.
What would you do if there was an old woman like that?
But...
An old woman trying to cross such a place...
I don't think you can.
You're annoying.
No, I want to cross!
No matter what...
There must be something where I can cross.
An old woman has a lot of faith, so it's okay.
What's faith?
She has a lot of amulets.
That's none of my business!
What if there's an old woman in trouble?
What are you talking about? Tell me.
Why are you in trouble? Tell me.
Well... The stairs to the church are long.
They're long, they're long.
When I was young, I used to go up really high.
I used to go up one step at a time.
But now...
I can't go up like this!
You're only using your legs.
I can only use one leg.
I can't go up like this!
What would you do if you had an old woman like that?
An old woman like that?
With a big church?
But you can still go up, right?
She even has luggage!
Oh, I forgot!
She even has luggage!
One at a time!
An old woman like that?
How old is an old woman like that?
Oh, that's...
An old woman close to 70 years old.
Oh, 60... something?
When I say "old woman",
I mean 75 years old.
75!
Sorry, I forgot!
I forgot!
An old woman in her 70s.
An old woman in her 80s.
An old woman in her 80s!
You're all wrong!
You're wrong!
You're like someone's comic book!
What would you do if you had an old woman like that?
What would I do?
You're dirty!
What's dirty?
What would you do if you had an old woman like that?
I'd help her a lot.
How would you help her?
By doing a lot of things like this.
What would you do?
I'd carry her like this.
I'd hug her like this!
I'd definitely do it!
I'd walk down the street and an old man would say, "Hey, you! I have a stomachache!"
I have a stomachache!
I'm scared, so don't go!
The game is over and it's time for the punishment game.
As you know, we can show you the results of the punishment game at the end of the show.
Also, before "Gag no tsukai ara enji" was aired,
Ucchan-nan-chan did "shalala", right?
That show brought "shalala" and "gag no tsukai ara enji" together.
We're doing a special show.
It's Saturday, December 29th.
From 2pm to 3.25pm.
It's a special show.
See you next week!
You're going to do the punishment game with Ucchan-nan- chan, right?
Well...
If I win, Ucchan-nan-chan will be punished with "dance, dance, dance".
That's good.
Let's do it!
So, for me...
I'll go to Ucchan-nan-chan's house.
That's the event.
Please do your best.
Please look forward to it.
That's all for today.
Bye!
(Fall into me...)