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In the first episode of "Gaki no Kikai Arahende", "Chiki Chiki Ikasu Nozojiman Tengoku" is going to be a big success!
As expected of the judges.
Yes!
Good evening!
That being said...
Is this what we're doing today?
Today we're going to do "Nozojiman Tengoku" is going to be a big success.
Isn't it?
Yes.
You don't look like you want to do it.
I do!
First of all, the judges will be these people...
Yoshida Ken-san!
I'm sorry, Yoshida-san.
Really...
Today...
He's the judge.
He's not a judge.
Right?
And!
The performer is...
Yogomori Ryodo-sensei!
There's no song you can't play, right?
Well, sometimes there is.
Ah, is that so?
You've been playing "Ramba" recently.
I've been playing "Ramba"!
"Ramba", "Ramba", "Ramba"...
There's a new song, right?
Look!
It's amazing that you can even play the accordion!
Today we're going to do "Nozojiman Tengoku"...
That's right.
We're going to play 10 songs...
Yes!
...one at a time, right?
The ones you're confident in, right?
The ones I'm confident in?
Yes.
Can I say it?
Go ahead.
What?
"C" of "go".
"C" of "go"?
"Gyaranzu"!
Wow! That's a good start!
It's frustrating, but I'm crazy about you
"Gyaranzu"!
Those reddened eyes
"Gyaranzu"!
I'm crazy about you
Sandact
This program is "Sandact".
We present you with the sponsor you are watching.
Dino!
Go!
You like him, don't you?
Sandact
Stop it!
I was confident!
You put too much emotion into it.
Who do you think you are?
You sing like you have something wrong with your throat.
That's right.
It's not like you have eyebrows or anything like that.
You sing like you're normal.
If you sing too much, people who are listening won't be able to get into it.
Right?
You haven't become your own version of yourself.
You're copying yourself.
Oh, I see.
That was good.
You're good.
I see.
That was good.
Gatchaman with white wings
If you run and jump out
You're a scientist-hypocrite bird
Go! Go! Go! Gatchaman!
The earth is round
Go! Go! Go! Gatchaman!
Wow!
I'm going to sing until the end!
Thank you!
Don't put blood on your body
Oh, don't scream like that
You're a man, aren't you?
You have to live strong
Don't worry about me
Be happy
That's what I pray for
Judges, Yoshida and Ken, what do you think of it as a whole? And which one did you like better?
When you sing a song, you shouldn't be the only one worrying about it, right?
The listener should be the first one to say it, and you should get used to it.
So, you know, you shouldn't be too masterful about it.
And you should stand up to the beat more, you know, stand up and, you know, you know...
Well, anyway...
The first place goes to...
Tama-chan wins!
By the way, did you know we were releasing a record?
Seriously!
And the first place goes to...
Ikasu no Nojiman Tengoku and Dai Gassen!
Ladies and gentlemen...
Well, you know, I wore it every day, but...
This is only the second time.
But what's with that dirty look of yours?
You look like you're poor.
No, I'm rich!
Look at you!
I'm rich and I'm wearing fashionable clothes!
What's with you?!
I don't know what to say about you, but you look like a real gentleman.
What do you mean by gentleman?
You look like you're wearing shorts.
The more I think about it, the more I have to work hard.
What's with you?!
The more we have to work together...
Oh, that's what you regret?
Isn't it different?
It's not!
It's because you look like you're poor!
Look at you, your legs and hands!
Really?!
You don't know?!
Not again!
It's been a while since we went fishing, hasn't it, Kotsuki?
Yeah, it's been a while.
Is fishing a kind of business?
Yeah...
You and your shitty friends...
Tohbu...
Tohbu Zoo.
Where is it?!
It's raining again...
In that shitty zoo, there's a warning sign that says "Don't say this again."
In front of the audience.
It has nothing to do with TV!
It has nothing to do with TV, but you say something like this in front of the audience.
What do you mean?
Like "sabui."
What do you mean?
Sabui.
Like "tohi."
Huh?
You can't say "tohi" like that!
Right?
It took me two and a half hours to go back and forth.
Right?!
I'm hungry like this...
I'm hungry!
This is still fine.
"Sabui" and "tohi" are still fine.
"Racco" and "panda"
Don't say "koala."
Say my name, too!
Tohbu Zoo!
I don't have one, so don't say that!
Right!
It's a lot of fun, and there are a lot of things that can happen.
A long time ago, I went to a place called "Greenpea."
It's in Mexico City in Hyogo Prefecture.
It's also a shitty country.
I won't forget it.
It was summer.
It was sunny.
It was a crazy stage.
There was a big shark!
Inundation of천장...
Shark!
It's like you're saying a new joke.
There was a staircase there, and "tohi" would come at me.
It was a stage like this, you know?
Yes, yes.
An old woman sitting just above me was doing manzai.
Suddenly, from the staircase above...
"goro goro goro"!
It took me two seconds!
Yes, yes.
I was doing manzai, but I heard "goro goro goro"!
I thought I'd better hurry up and do it.
While I was doing it...
A nurse came and...
Yes, a nurse and a teacher who worked at that green piano came running.
I felt like I was being taken away like an alien.
That old woman...
Why can't I do this?
So I continued doing manzai.
It was like a true story, and everyone would never believe it.
It's true!
After I got sick and went home, there was that night at the store...
I was wearing a hat like this!
I was wearing a V-wrap hat like this!
It's annoying!
Everyone wouldn't believe it.
It's true!
It looks like you're dead, but it's true!
I was walking around like this.
Yes, there are many things like that.
When you gather in the morning...
Yesterday, I didn't like it either.
What?
I didn't sleep for two days.
Yesterday, I didn't like it either.
You didn't do anything different?
I didn't like it.
It's been a while since I went out in a big theater.
There's that kid who's being followed by a car.
And when I go home, there's a lot of people in the car.
And what I don't like about it is...
I end up pulling someone's leg!
Because cars come and go.
I think it's bad, but...
Right?!
But you don't get hurt from being pulled, right?
And you don't know when they come and go.
Look, cars come and go from behind you, so you can't go forward or stop.
You're going slowly, but they come and go, so you don't know!
Even if you're in a car...
You don't know!
I think it's disgusting!
It's raining. It's raining. It's completely raining.
It rained a lot yesterday.
It's not funny, so I think I should stop.
But I stopped with "dung", but I stopped with "dung".
So I went up to "dung" and I went up to "dung" and I stopped with "dung" again.
And I stopped with "dung" again.
It's true!
It's disgusting to pull someone's leg!
I don't know if I pulled someone's leg or not.
Some of them came and hit me.
Right?!
Some of them said "dong"!
Right?!
But I don't know if they said it or not.
Even "dung" came and said "it hurts!"
And I was like...
"Ah! "dung"! "dung"! "dung"!
I don't know what it is!
Yes, but thanks to my guts back in the day, it really hurts!
Of course you can say that! The car is going up and "dung"!
It really hurts!
My friends are coming with me, and I have to show my dead face in front of them!
I have guts!
In front of you!
So I say "gyaaah" there, and when I get home I do "gyaah" like this!
It happens a lot, but yesterday it was especially terrible!
Ah, yes!
What surprised you?
"dung"! "dung"!
One person said "dung" and then "dung"!
It's like this!
You're lying!
It's like this here!
No, no, it's long!
It's like this here!
No, I think it's a donkey!
It's kind of long, the shoes!
"dung"!
It's like this here!
Let's go to the next one.
Yes.
What's that?
Ah, excuse me.
I'm the assistant.
Do you get really mad?
Yes, I get really mad too.
Yes.
hoho!
hohoho!
You're pretty much a cat, aren't you?
What?
Don't touch me!
Say "nyan"!
And with that, our speaker is...
Cat impersonator, Sao.
- I've seen it many times. - What?
- I've seen it many times. - I'm a genius, too, since I discovered it.
Well, I don't like it.
The cat is on the roof... on the roof... on the roof...
At first, it's sleeping, and then it starts purring and crying.
I know it! I don't like it!
I don't like it!
- I think it's funny, but... - Don't make me laugh!
- I want it. I think it'd be better if it came in a bigger band. - No, it'd be funny if it came in a double band.
- A double band? - Like today's afternoon.
- It's probably a small band. - No...
- This is... - Meow!
Meow!
MEOW!
What's wrong with you?!
- I think I'm going to burst out laughing! - No, you probably won't sleep for two days.
- I don't know what's funny, but... - I don't know, either!
- It's funny in the afternoon, but... - Is that so? Well, I guess it can't be helped.
- Well, first of all, I'll read you a poem. - Yes, yes, yes.
- Can I read any of them? - Yes, you can.
- "Kanagawa Prefecture has a pen name 'bono bono'." - Yes.
Matcha-ama-chan, please listen.
My brother and Yoshihiro suddenly started saying ridiculous things.
They started saying that they wanted to join the downturn.
Please don't tell me to not ruin my brother's dream.
Could you please send my brother an answer and a message?
By the way, my brother is in third grade.
I'd like you to take care of him.
It'd be better for you to crush the dream.
- With all your might? - With all your might.
It's not like I have a chance of joining this world.
It's a horrible world, you know?!
I'm already in my ninth year, you know?!
It's not like you guys have come out of nowhere in the first year or two, you know?!
Because in the first three years, I couldn't eat anymore.
Because you didn't have money.
Because I didn't have money.
I don't like it even if you don't make me buy it.
What's gotten into you?!
It's true! I didn't have any money at all! I was broke!
All you had was your cell phone number!
I'm sure those of you who have come to Osaka to hang out will know this.
Because I didn't have any money, I didn't know how far it was from Namba to Amagasaki.
I walked all the way back home.
I didn't have any money!
You didn't work for about 150 yen a day, did you?
No, I didn't.
You worked late at night.
Yes, I did.
You walked all the way back home.
Yes, I did.
When you came back around noon, you said you were thirsty and went home while drinking coffee and milk.
Yes, I did.
I was broke.
Yes, you were.
I had no choice but to stay at home during the day. I didn't have money to go out.
You lived your best life and didn't have anything to do.
That's right. I lived my best life.
While working.
Because my lifestyle was already decided.
That's right, that's right.
I didn't wake up in the evening.
Most of the time.
I didn't wake up in the evening and stayed at home all night.
If I had about 300 yen, I would have stayed up all night and worked until morning.
And when I came back home, I was still sleepy because I had woken up in the evening.
And, uh, in a way...
Uh...
Good morning!
Yes, good morning!
I'm sure I saw it!
Shiga-chan!
I even know her name!
Shiga-chan!
I went to sleep after watching Shiga-chan.
Then I woke up in the evening and went to take a bath.
Then I came back and stayed at home again.
I did this for two or three years.
So I often went to wake her up.
Yes, yes.
Because I watched her in the evening.
Yes, yes.
Sometimes I found weird things.
Yes, yes.
Hey!
So you shouldn't do it.
Yes, I think it's good.
And you say things like "overhand" a lot!
Uh... I went to buy cigarettes and said "overhand" in a cigarette shop.
I said "overhand mild seven light" and she said "yes, yes."
And I said "don't say that on TV again!"
What are you talking about?!
What's funny about it?!
Overhand, I think it's funny!
Yes, it's funny.
If it's on TV and you say it...
What are you talking about?!
Well, I'm telling you this, you know...
When you were on a quiz show on a TV station,
your impression during school days...
Ah, you were probably...
Ah, during school days...
Your impression during school, middle school and high school days didn't seem to have much memories.
In particular, you only wrote that you were a broadcaster.
Did you have such an uninteresting time?
If you have an older story, let me hear it!
When was that?
Ah, when I was in middle school...
This guy, this guy, you know, the white-faced guy...
I've been kicked out of school.
You can get kicked out of school anywhere, right?
You know, the two of us, you know...
You know, like in front of a snack shop...
Is that a smart ball?
Janjanjanjan!
They say "janjan" in Osaka, right?
In Osaka, they say "janjan"...
Janjanjanjan!
There's a guy who presses a button like a bat and shoots like this, right?
Yes, yes, yes, yes...
The two of us used to do that when we were in middle school and high school.
A bad-looking guy like me, you know...
The same age as me, you know...
Bwaaah!
He said to me, you know...
Don't you have any money?
He said that to me.
We had a fight, you know...
Just the two of us against one person.
Because the other guy came with two people.
No, there was one more person with me.
Oh, you were with me?
Yes.
But you know...
Bwaaah!
I was grabbed by my hair and pulled around.
I felt sorry for you, didn't I?
I said, "What are you still doing?"
I looked at you and...
Janjan!
I was still fighting!
When I saw you and the other guy fighting...
I got angry!
Bwaaah!
It was like a slot machine!
Janjan!
It came out of a coin!
I have a question for you, Hama-chan.
If the following happens, which one will you take?
What if your wife is kidnapped by someone?
At that time, the criminal's request is to kill your partner, Machan.
What will you do if you can only take one wife or Machan?
What is it?
That's what I want to ask you today.
I don't know why you're asking me such a question.
I will save you.
You don't have to save me. I don't have to save you.
So you don't mind if I don't kill you, do you?
No, I don't mind if you don't kill me.
It can't be helped since you're so desperate.
You're not going to abandon your wife and take me.
That's right.
You really are a homo.
Are you close with your wife?
You can say that I'm close with her.
There's no way!
It's the worst!
Why?
When I and Nozawa are walking or taking pictures, it's the worst!
It's really ugly!
That's what you think, but what do people who see it think?
It's like a worst couple!
Is it?
Of course!
Why do you say that?
Let's say you go out with her.
You go out for a meal.
You go out for a drink.
What do you do?
That's the atmosphere of the day.
What do you do?
It's a noisy and fun night.
I go out for a meal and drink with her.
What should we do next?
If you think about it, we can dance all night.
That's all for today.
You sang a song that you were proud of in the opening.
Yes, I did.
Was it Yoko Mori's "Ryozo"?
Yes, it was.
I sang it last week.
Hey!
Yoshida Ken san sang it last week.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
I sang it today and it was really fun.
Yes, it was fun.
It depends on how much people enjoy it on TV.
It depends.
Yes.
My assistant came out today.
I'm going to hire more people.
Employees?
Yes.
Employees?
Yes.
Please contact me.
Send me photos.
Yes.
More and more.
Send me photos of shrines.
Ask me questions.
Earlier you said...
No!
I shouldn't have said it.
Questions...
We're waiting for you.
Yes.
We're waiting for you.
Yes.
We're waiting for you.
Yes.
We're waiting for you.
That's all.
Is that all?
That's all.
That's all for this week.
Goodbye!
What are you doing?
Hurry up!