AISubs v3.5
Now, in tonight's "Downtown" "Gagino Tsukai" and "Arahen"
- Today we're from the Philippines - No!
- We're in Shinjuku - Yes, yes, yes
- What are you doing? - Osaka is fine, isn't it?
- Can you speak a little Japanese? - I can't speak at all, you idiot!
- Good evening - Good evening
- You're not an old woman, you're young - I'm young, I'm an older woman
- Do you want it? Do you want it? Give it to me - Thank you - Keep it - Thank you - Keep it in your heart
- Don't put it in my heart! Where should I put it, this long one?
- Thank you - Isn't it the first time you've done this show and given me a present?
- No, it's not - Oh, it's not? - No, it's not - I'll take it - Thank you
- This show, I'll give you a lot of things - Yes!
- Isn't it good? - Yes - Next time you go outside...
- Hey, he's amazing! Look at his outfit! Cameraman! Cameraman!
- Look! - Wow!
- He's walking with his butt out!
- Isn't it interesting? - What is? - A black man coming out of a clothing salon
- You're from Kansai, aren't you? - Yes, I am
- Dad, if you like, we can do this show again - Yes, yes - Look at his shiny gold teeth!
- So, today we're here at Comedy Theater! Is it on the 5th floor of this building? - Yes, it is
- We're at Comedy Theater in Downtown, and this is our 7th episode! - It's our 7th episode - Right? - Yes
- We'd like to know how you're doing! - Yes!
- This show is brought to you by Oyama International Products... - ...sunlact... - ...and Toyosuisan
- Ladies and Gentlemen...
This is the biggest one so far, isn't it?
Yes, it is.
The hut...
Yes...
The hut is big!
The number of spectators is quite high.
Yes, it's quite high.
Today, everyone is keeping their distance.
It's like an experiment.
You say funny things.
I don't know what will happen.
It may be a tough battle.
Yes...
There are many things going on now.
Yes, there are many.
Well...
I'm sorry to say this but...
There is a supernatural power boom.
Mr. Malick is still famous.
Yes, he is very famous.
Of course, he is famous.
Many people know him.
You know him, don't you?
Yes.
Recently, you used to say "Malick, I'm just watching you."
He looked at me and did something and...
He passed a cigarette through a 500 yen coin.
He passed it and then he smoked it.
He is amazing.
What is with that face of yours?
He put 100 yen in his pocket and did something and it fell off.
Anyway, it is amazing that you can break a spoon just by looking at it, right?
You are a fool.
What are you saying?
What is so amazing about it?
What is not amazing?
What is amazing about you?
You are holding a spoon! Just by looking at it!
Is that so?
Is that so? Then try it! Can you break a spoon just by looking at it?
If you do something like that, you can't do it!
What?
If you break a spoon, you can't do it!
No...
Even if you say you can't do it...
If you break a spoon...
Go home and try breaking all the spoons in the house!
You will get hungry!
You will get hungry?
I don't think you should do something like that.
I can't accept it.
I don't want to!
If you see a goldsmith, you will get angry.
You are trying so hard to make it.
Everyone is surprised!
You are super capable!
If you are so famous, you should be able to eat curry all over Japan!
What are you saying?
No...
No?
Is there a person who can eat curry until he dies?
I can accept that.
Then you know what?
Wood...
Everyone is laughing.
Wood...
Do you know Mr. Nishino?
Mr. Nishino is amazing!
Even though he doesn't touch people...
If you touch him...
Mr. Nishino will jump out of here!
To the other side of the wall!
Ordinary people...
Judo...
Karate...
Aikido...
If you don't do it...
You will die!
Then what will you do?
Right?
Wood...
That's how it is.
A person like you...
Even though you don't touch him...
You will die!
Then...
This big guy...
To Mr. Nishino...
Did you say "fool"?
Huh?
What?
Did you say "fool" to Mr. Nishino?
No...
Then you shouldn't have done that!
I didn't do anything! If you do like that, won't you get punished?
No...
It's you, isn't it? Even if you don't touch me, I will fly! You know that, don't you?
As I thought, I shouldn't cause trouble for the Apostle.
No, you shouldn't!
If a person who has been kicked out thinks like that, he will be famous all over Japan!
It's you, isn't it? Even if you don't touch me, I will fly!
I won't admit it.
I won't admit it. If you touch me, I will be surprised.
If you touch me, I will be surprised.
But... Tsumura Illusion...
Ah? Did you see it?
Yes...
The only white tiger in the world...
Yes...
Do you know it?
The only white tiger in the world...
In a moment, it will be extinct!
Why?
Such...
Such an important thing...
Why do you say such a thing?
It can't be extinct forever!
If you touch me, I will fly again!
Stop it!
It's funny!
Don't say what you think!
What are you talking about?
I don't like that kind of boom.
You don't like it?
You are talking about fortune-telling boom, aren't you?
Yes, I have heard of it.
Stop it! You are almost right!
You can't stop fortune-telling!
From nose fortune-telling...
To your...
You can tell fortune by what you like.
By what?
You should think of a new fortune. Think of a new one. It's a boom now.
Wait a minute. So far we've talked about stars, fortunes, blood flow, speed...
Yes, yes.
Well, there's a lot of things, isn't there?
Yes.
A new fortune.
What kind of fortune?
Goranger fortune.
You can tell it by what you like.
How about this one?
If you like Momoranger, what is it?
If you like peaches...
Just like that!
If you like Momoranger, what is it?
There's also a gourmet boom now.
Yes, there is.
So far we've talked about what we like and what we don't like.
Good evening, everyone.
If you're hungry, it's time for you to rest.
Today, I'm in Gunma Prefecture.
Gunma Prefecture is full of love and kindness.
What will I encounter today?
Hello, good evening.
Thank you for coming today.
What can I say? I'm surrounded by nature and in a good environment...
What a nice environment you have here!
No, it's not like that.
Being surrounded by nature is a nice environment, isn't it, Mr. Matsumoto?
Wait a minute.
Mr. Matsumoto.
Yes?
You can't do that!
The camera is rolling, you know!
What are you doing, being so stupid?
I'll hit you!
It's a show, you know!
I'm getting angry.
Give it back to me, like you always do!
Why don't you just talk to me normally?
I'm begging you, you know.
I'm only here for a short period of time.
Good evening, everyone.
Good evening.
No, it's not time for good evening.
Today we're having a good time!
So, today's guest is Mr. Matsumoto.
Good evening, Mr. Matsumoto.
Good evening.
Yes!
Being surrounded by nature is a nice environment, isn't it, Mr. Matsumoto?
It's true!
"Is that so?", you say!
Be humble!
Don't praise me like that!
Be humble!
Please!
Again? Again?
Yes, yes, yes, yes.
Good evening, everyone!
Good evening, Mr. Fujimoto and Mr. Iyashinbo!
Good evening!
You're a nice guy, surrounded by nature!
Oh, come on!
I'm not like that.
Oh, is that so?
Well, thank you for coming today!
Thank you.
The food is already on the table.
This is it!
Mr. Matsumoto, what is this?
It's ashtray.
Here you are.
Don't make fun of me!
Why do you put out the ashtray?
You do it!
I'm angry!
Put it out!
Put out something else!
Is it out? Is it out?
It's out!
Oh, this is it, Mr. Matsumoto!
What is this, Mr. Matsumoto?
It's grandpa.
Stop it! Stop it!
Don't make fun of me!
Stop it!
Why do you put out grandpa's ashtray?
Don't make fun of me!
Put it out!
Put out something else!
I'll do it!
Is it out? Is it out?
Thank you for coming!
Thank you!
This is it, Mr. Matsumoto!
Today...
Yes.
...we'll check the pigs.
It's my favorite.
Since last night, I've been waiting for it all night.
Who is it?
It's been simmering.
Who is it?
It's been simmering.
It's been simmering for about 15 years now.
It's a pig called Hanako.
I see.
It's been simmering for a long time, hasn't it?
I call it Hanako, but it's always "boo".
It was so cute, Hanako.
Yes.
Look at it now.
When you put it on with chopsticks, it's already...
Ah, it's so soft.
Ah, those are Hanako's legs.
I once wrapped a bandage around it when it was injured.
Ah, ah, I'm sorry.
Hanako's ribbon is in there.
Ah.
Well, uh...
Everyone, I'd like you to give me a moment.
Hanako...
I wonder what it tastes like.
Boo!
Hanako, boo!
Give me back Yoshi!
Give me back Hanako!
Give me back Yoshi!
If you're taking Yoshi's money, I'll buy you a toy, so give me back Yoshi!
Here, eat this one.
Even so, your breasts are a little small.
Really?
Saki V.
Talk with me.
Yes.
But you know, you've already moved to Tokyo, right?
Yes.
It's an amazing city, isn't it, this Tokyo?
Why again?
You can't get a parking lot.
That's right. I've been looking for it, too.
Even if you have an apartment, you can't get a parking lot.
You can't even get around it, can you?
That's right.
It's completely jammed.
And you know, if you stop for a little bit, you'll immediately be towed away, right?
Yes.
I've been thinking about it.
You can't be towed away.
Yes.
You're watching this on TV, right?
It's special, isn't it?
It's new.
No matter how many times you're being towed away, you can't be towed away with only your own car.
Which one? Which one?
Are you going to buy a wrecked car?
No way.
Absolutely not.
Which talent is going to work for you? A wrecked car?
Even if you don't have a Toyota, if you look at a wrecked car, there are 600 of them, right?
Today, you know, it's a little different, isn't it?
That's right.
Please explain it to me.
Today, you know, we always end with a joke, right?
Yes.
But we're going to do something like a free talk.
And say goodbye.
Today, we're going to put up a monitor here.
Actually, in Japanese TV, from 7 o'clock, every Saturday from 7 o'clock,
we're all laughing out loud.
For one hour.
We and others, like B-21 and Bing's phone, we're doing a lot of things together.
In that...
Hey, wait!
Why are you waiting like this?
In that...
Yes.
We did a skit.
That's right.
And, you know, we didn't have enough time.
We didn't have enough time.
That's right.
It's a waste of time, isn't it?
Even though we're doing our best.
Today, we're going to show you that.
I bit it! I bit it! I bit it! I bit it!
I bit it!
Hey!
Don't make me do it!
Shit!
Somebody help me!
Help me!
Everyone! Everyone!
Someone help me!
(Laughter)
You're kind of stupid.
You know, every time we talk about the Shingansen on the instrument,
I don't know if you've seen it or not.
The family of monkeys?
That was kind of in my head, and I was like, "Argh!"
You said it right away.
That was kind of in my head.
I'm glad we didn't delay it.
I was looking forward to it.
You saw it with your own eyes.
I'm glad we did.
Is this okay?
Yes, yes.
Thank you very much for that.
Can you take this off for me?
This?
Just a second.
Today's girl was the prettiest among the staff so far.
That's true.
(Laughter)
Is it heavy?
It's a little heavy, but it's not bad.
If you're done...
Yes?
Can you bring me a scissor instead?
Sure.
I've been doing this Osaka dialect course lately.
By the way, in Osaka dialect, Hama-chan often says...
Itemauzo!
What's that?
Waitonnoka!
What does it mean?
Is it stupid?
Is it weird?
Is it raining?
Yes, yes.
Is it raining?
Itemauzo!
"Itemauzo" means "I'm going to beat you up!"
What's "itemauzo"?
(Laughter)
What's "itemauzo"?
I don't know.
I'm going to bite you up!
What's "itemauzo"?
What does "itemauzo" mean?
Tell me!
(Laughter)
Where does "itemauzo" come from?
Shut up!
(Laughter)
"Itemauzo" means...
I'm going to beat you up!
"Itemauzo" means "I'm going to beat you up", right?
"Itemauzo"!
"Itemauzo" doesn't mean "beat you up"!
"Itemauzo" means "I'm going to beat you up"!
(Laughter)
(Applause)
Your face is turning red.
(Laughter)
Can't you say anything?
What are you saying?
I've told you!
I've told you everything you need to know about Nasus-san!
But you know what I really think?
You know Yasu-san, Yokoyama Yasu-san?
His words, even in Osaka dialect, are pretty cruel.
In terms of grammar, they're pretty funny.
Well, it's not pop music. It's his words.
That's right.
"Okoru de mosairo"?
"Okoru de shikashi"!
What's "shikashi"?
"Okoru de"!
"Okoru de" means "shikashi", "shikashi"!
(Laughter)
It's really funny!
(Laughter)
Normally you'd say "Okoru de", but he said "shikashi" instead.
(Laughter)
It's funny, but-
(Laughter)
- That's amazing. - But...
- But what? - But...
- There's a guy who's always mad in Tokyo. - Yes, yes.
- I said it before, but... - Yes, yes.
- I sometimes say it like a makeup artist. - Yes.
- When I'm doing my makeup, I laugh like...
I laugh like...
And then I think it's weird.
What?
What's weird?
Are you laughing now?
Why are you laughing?!
Hey, listen to me!
I'm not the most popular one!
I'm the most comical one!
You'll be happy if you get it!
I don't think I'll get it!
Maybe you're wrong!
I don't know!
I've said it before, but I'm thinking of making a present for this show.
What is it?
Two sets of something.
I think you'll like it.
You'll be happy for sure.
Don't say you'll like it.
You'll be happy for sure.
I like you.
What is it?
I like you.
Once you say it, you'll know what it is.
Two sets of something.
What do you mean, "two sets of something"?
My face says it.
I like you.
You'll be happy if you get it!
I won't be happy!
You will be happy!
Who will be happy?!
Who will?
Um...
Is the person in front of you happy?
Or...
Is the person in front of you happy?
Isn't it fashionable to have a face written on something like this?
The person wearing it will have a big face.
Good morning.
Good morning, Allen.
It's over now.
It's over.
Today was your first attempt, wasn't it?
At what?
At the comedy show.
It was pretty popular.
How was your assistant?
My assistant taught me about the dirtiness of this world and this entertainment world.
With an assistant?
Because...
Who is it?
It's a good guy.
I don't know where he went.
Who is it?
I don't know.
Someone is hiding it somewhere.
The one you sent?
Yes.
And my manager, Nittana, is desperately trying to hide it.
But it's fine.
Everyone is young like that.
It's normal for a man and a woman to have that kind of relationship.
At that time...
You have to wear something properly.
And for that...
You have to go.
You have to go, Tissue.
This is it, right?
I want you to wear it.
This is really a gift.
I think it's good.
It's good.
But you have to think about it more.
Like an anarchist.
It doesn't work.
If you can, you should try it.
I'll use it.
Which one?
Huh?
I'll use yours first.
No, you're right.
I'll use it first.
I'll use yours first.
But it's pathetic, too.
Being dirty with an intern.
You can laugh and have fun at the same time.
You can have sex.
It's like sex in Japan.
What's with that face?
Why are you laughing?
What are you saying?
You can come up with ideas.
You can come up with a plan for a show.
You can come up with ideas like that.
This program is brought to you by Oyama International Products...
...Sunlact...
...and Soyo Water Resources.